From: sloopdougb@webtv.net   
      
   On Halloween day, Brian, Carl and Dennis picked out their costumes in   
   preparation for a long night of "trick-or-treating." Brian wore horns   
   and carried a pitchfork.   
      
   "You must be the devil," said Carl.   
      
   "No, I'm Mike Love's attorney!" laughed Brian.   
      
   "Ha, good one," said Dennis, who was dressed as a baby.   
      
   "Who are you supposed to be?" Brian asked him.   
      
   "I'm one of Mike's illegitimate children," Dennis explained.   
      
   They all had a good laugh. Carl had on a skull cap and a clothes pin on   
   his nose.   
      
   "Let me guess," said Brian, "you're Mike Love."   
      
   "That's right!" said Carl, and they all laughed some more.   
      
   Just then, Al came in. "Hey, Mike, what's your attorney and bastard   
   child doing here?" The laughs just kept on coming.   
      
   The boys goofed on Mike for a few more minutes before they left to go   
   trick-or-treating. Little did they realize, though, that Mike was in the   
   next room listening to all that was being said. He made a vow right   
   then, "As sure as I wrote "Good Vibrations", I'll get my revenge on them   
   Wilson boys tonight!"   
      
   But, for Mike's plan to work, he needed the help of his most   
   trusted...and only trusted...friend, Bruce Johnston. "Bruce, where are   
   you!" Mike called out.   
      
   "I'm right here, Mike," answered Bruce, "who did you think was giving   
   you a massage?"   
      
   "Never mind that right now, Bruce," said Mike. "I need you to help me   
   get even with Brian, Dennis and Carl."   
      
   "Anything you say, boss," said Bruce.   
      
   So, while the Wilsons were out collecting candy from all the houses in   
   the neighborhood, Mike and Bruce were scheming to get back at them.   
      
   "First thing we gotta do is get each of them alone," said Mike.   
      
   "How are we gonna do that?" asked Bruce.   
      
   "Simple," said Mike, "Just do as I say."   
      
   Mike gave Bruce a cheerleader's outfit and a wig. "Aw c'mon, Mike, you   
   always make me wear this," complained Bruce.   
      
   "Shut up, Bruce. It's for a different reason this time. When we see   
   Dennis, whistle at him. Since it's dark, he'll think you're a girl and   
   he'll follow you. Then, you can lead him right into my trap."   
      
   So, Bruce put on the outfit and went out to find Dennis. When he saw   
   him, he whistled, and sure enough, Dennis followed him. Bruce led him to   
   a dark alley where Mike was waiting. Dennis called out to his smitten   
   cheerleader.   
      
   "Hey baby, wanna ride in my 'woody'", he said. Just then, Mike came out   
   of nowhere and clobbered Dennis with a surfboard.   
      
   "Surf's down, bucko!" yelled Mike.   
      
   "Yeah, wipe out!" cried a giddy Bruce.   
      
   "One down, two to go," said MIke.   
      
   Next, Mike thought of a plan to get Carl. "Bruce, I want you to dress up   
   like a Big Mac. Run by Carl and scream, 'please don't eat me!'. Then,   
   just like with Dennis, when he chases you, lead him right into my trap."   
      
   So, Bruce put on the hamburger costume and ran by Carl. Carl heard the   
   burger yell out not to eat him and he couldn't resist trying to take a   
   bite out of it. He chased Bruce to the same dark alley where Mike was   
   once again waiting. Mike grabbed him around the neck and stuffed a whole   
   bag on potato chips down his throat. Carl frantically tried to chew as   
   fast as he could, but it was too much. He choked on the chips and died.   
      
   "Need some root beer with that?" laughed Mike.   
   "Yeah, wipe out!" cried a giddy Bruce again.   
      
   "Shut up, Bruce. You're ruining my witty one-liners," said Mike. "You   
   just got lucky with that first one."   
      
   So, now only Brian was left and Mike thought of an evil plan to get him,   
   too. "Bruce, go get Brian's piano and put it on the train tracks. When   
   he sees it, he'll try to play it and I'll go get The Beach Boys train   
   and run him over."   
      
   "Great idea, Mikeharishi!" said Bruce.   
      
   Bruce set up the piano just like Mike said. Sure enough, when Brian came   
   by, he sat down at it and started to play. He heard the train coming,   
   but because of all the medication, he thought it was just the ending of   
   the PET SOUNDS album and didn't pay it much attention. Seconds later, he   
   was crushed as Mike raced by in the train.   
      
   "Ha!" chuckled Mike, "PET SOUNDS not only killed your career, it killed   
   you, too!"   
      
   "And now it's going to kill you!" said a voice behind Mike.   
      
   "What? Who was that?" asked MIke. He turned around to see Bruce standing   
   over him with with a large, blunt object in his hand. (Later, police   
   forensic evidence identified the object as the PET SOUNDS Box Set.)   
      
   "Bruce, what are you doing? Put that away, you'll hurt someone with that   
   thing," yelled Mike.   
      
   "That's the point," said Bruce. Just then, Bruce peeled his mask off. It   
   wasn't Bruce at all. It was Al Jardine in a Bruce Johnston costume.   
      
   "Damn, I should've know it was you after you made that witty comment   
   when I killed Dennis. Bruce would never have thought of something that   
   clever," said Mike. "But, why? Why do you want to kill me?"   
      
   "You try making a living without being able to use The Beach Boys name.   
   It's hell! Now, since I'm the only surviving Beach Boy, I'll have full   
   rights to the name and I'll make millions touring with Bruce," explained   
   Al.   
      
   "Where is Bruce?" asked Mike.   
      
   "I killed him three years ago," said Al, "but I had his body frozen so   
   that I could bring him back to life when the time was right. Now, I'll   
   unfreeze him and he can tour with me. We need someone to drive the tour   
   bus."   
      
   "Then who was that touring with me all those years?" asked Mike.   
      
   "That was a trained monkey in a wig," said Al. "I knew no one would know   
   that difference."   
      
   "You bastard!" Mike screamed. But it was no use. Al beat Mike upon the   
   head unmercifully with the box set until Mike took his last breath.   
      
   And that, my friends, is how Halloween began.   
      
   Doug   
   --------------   
      
   I posted this on the Male Ego board, to which Bruce Johnston responded:   
      
   Date: 10/29/02 03:58:52 PM   
   Name: Bruce Johnston   
   Email:   
   Subject: Re: A Beach Boys Halloween!   
   What's in your CD player today?: "The Genuis of Ray Charles" Atlantic   
   Records-1959   
      
   Very irreverent, funny and cool...really made me laugh! Now start   
   working on something about Santa Claus etc.   
   Bruce Johnston   
   Santa Barbara   
   October 29, 2002   
       
       
      
      
      
   The Many (mis)Adventures of The Beach Boys!   
   http://clik.to/dougburrell   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)