From: sloopdougb@webtv.net   
      
   Just for old times sake.  From four years ago...   
   -------------------------   
      
   You know, all this election confusion has got me all upset and I've been   
   trying to figure out a way that would best decide who the rightful   
   winner should be.  It seems too risky to leave the choice of who will   
   be the most powerful man on earth to the mere mortal folks of Palm   
   County, Florida, so I contend that we should let the Beach Boys decide   
   amongst themselves who the next president should be.  Now, since I   
   don't actually know any of the Boys and it's doubtful that any of them   
   would return my phone calls, I have used transcendental meditation to   
   get inside the heads of each member of the group and find out for whom   
   they are voting.    
      
   Each member will have one vote, except for Bruce, who, in a throw back   
   to the original constitution, and since there is some debate as to   
   whether he is a "real" Beach Boy or not, will have his choice count as   
   only 3/5 of a vote.  In addition to Brian, Mike, Al and Bruce, I am   
   including Carl and Dennis in this vote.  Also, I'm throwing in David   
   Marks to eliminate the possibility of a tie.   
         
   Okay, first I have channelled the spirit of our much beloved and sadly   
   missed, Dennis.  When I axed him to choose between Al Gore and George   
   W., he said it was a tough call.  He liked Gore's daughters better,   
   but he respected Bush's "party" mentality.  He mentioned something   
   about snorting a line with the governor back in the 70's, but he was   
   kind of fading out and I really couldn't understand what he said.    
   Finally, he said that Clinton had "bush" in the oval office for the last   
   8 years, so we might as well keep it there and elect G.W.     
      
   Next, I conjured up Al Jardine.  Man, that fella has a lot of crazy   
   stuff going on in his head.  Anyway, I got around to soliciting his   
   choice for the White House and  without hesitation, he chose Gore.    
   He figured that having a President named Al might help his band get more   
   recognition.  He's thinking of making a minor change and calling his   
   group President Al Jardine's Family and Friends.      
      
   After Al, I summoned the spirit of the man with the most beautiful voice   
   I've ever heard, Carl Wilson.  He was singing in the heavenly choir   
   and I hated to interrupt, but the country is counting of me to figure   
   all of this out, so I quickly explained that the Beach Boys were   
   choosing the next president of the United States and I needed to hear   
   who he was voting for.  He told me that angels are officially   
   non-partisan, (they're much smarter than we are.)  He wished us the   
   best, then excused himself to go back to his singing.     
      
   Next, I axed Brian.  He response was quick and in the form of a   
   question.  "Which would piss Mike off more?" he asked.  "Probably   
   Gore," I guessed.  "Then Gore it is!."   
       
   Now, I was ready to axe Mike.  He thought long and hard about it.    
   He didn't like that Gore tried to take credit for HIS internet   
   invention, but he also didn't care for Bush's unfriendly environmental   
   stances.  He briefly considered voting for Buchanan, but thought he   
   might be a little too liberal for his taste.  Then Mike started to get   
   a little bummed that he wasn't in the running.  After all, he was the   
   musical genius that brought the world together with songs like "Good   
   Vibrations" and "California Girls."  Not to mention "Back in the USSR"   
   which he never got credit for.  Mike then insisted that there be a   
   re-vote in Florida. Before I left, I heard him talking on the phone with   
   his attorney about filing a suit in federal court to have his name put   
   on the ballot.   
       
   After being inside Mike's head, I needed a break.  When I came back, I   
   contacted David Marks.  He sympathized with Bush.  Said he reminded   
   him alot of himself.  David's miffed that most folks don't think of   
   him when they think of the Beach Boys and he says it was kind of like   
   that for George.  He says that George was never considered to be   
   presidential material.  He brother, Jeb W., was the one everyone   
   thought would make something of himself and go on to great things.    
   George would be lucky just to stay out of jail, they thought.  Anyway,   
   David always roots for the underdog and in this case, he's rooting for   
   Bush.   
       
   Wow, at this point, it's incredibly close.  Bush has two votes, Gore   
   has two votes, there's one no vote, and one vote for Mike Love.  So,   
   it all comes down to Bruce Johnston's vote.  Amazing!  The victor   
   will only win by 3/5 of a vote.    
      
   I got inside Bruce's head.  Sometimes with people, it's hard to hear   
   what they're thinking because there's so much going on inside their   
   heads, but with Bruce, it was pretty simple.  I do remember him   
   thinking something about white tube socks, but other than that, it was   
   very empty in there.  When I told Bruce that the election rested in   
   his single vote, he thought real hard.  Well...as hard as he could,   
   anyway.  He asked again who was running.  I told him Bush and   
   Gore.  "Ah yes," he said, "I like Bushin Gore.  I think I'll vote   
   for him."  I explained that they were two different people.  He   
   thought about it some more, but his mind kept gong back to the tube   
   socks.  Finally, he asked me, "Do you know who invented tube   
   socks?"  I didn't, but I figure that if anyone would take credit for   
   it, Al Gore would, so I told him Gore did.  Bruce seemed very   
   pleased  with that and gave his vote to Gore.      
      
   With that, the results were final with Gore winning by a slight margin.   
   I was all set to announce to the world who our next president would be   
   when, of course, I was told of an injunction placed on me certifying the   
   vote.    
      
   Apparently, Mike had been successful in his bid to have his name placed   
   on the ballot.  Now, they tell me it won't be until early next week   
   before we know.   
       
   Doug   
       
      
      
      
   The Many (mis)Adventures of The Beach Boys!   
   http://clik.to/dougburrell   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)