From: mshaw@panix.com   
      
   James Lileks marks the occasion:   
      
   https://jameslileks.substack.com/p/the-truth-about-the-ancient-a   
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       Erich von Däniken, popular author of a series of books about   
       "ancient astronauts," passed away on the tenth of January. His   
       most famous work was "Chariot of the Gods?, a book that surely   
       did not need the question mark. You can just respond "No," and   
       move on to the next subject. You probably remember his thesis:   
       mankind was visited by aliens long ago, and they taught us   
       things before heading back to the stars, never to return. You   
       probably don't know this: next Friday you can to his theme park   
       to get drunk and dance. But we'll get to that.   
      
       I'm sure I found the idea intriguing as a kid, because these   
       unfalsifiable conjectures fire the young imagination. Look at   
       that ancient stone carving, it looks just like an astronaut in   
       a capsule with a control panel wearing a pressurized space   
       suit! Or it's a lizard in a pot. I can't say it didn't happen,   
       but if it did, it probably went like this:   
      
       The ship descends, all the humans drop the ground gibbering   
       and bowing: the gods have arrived! Didn't have that on the   
       bingo card. Everyone bows down. The aliens give each other that   
       look: every time. Always with the bowing.   
      
       "Okay, get up, we have work to do. No, we don't want you to   
       cut up a cow for us. No myrrh, we're allergic."   
      
       "Yes my lord god! I mean no. What do your greatness commandeth?"   
      
       "We're going to build pyramids."   
      
       "Pyramids."   
      
       "Yes. Big square buildings with pointy tops. Here's how." (Hands   
       over the plans) Now, we want you to build many of them. We   
       really like pyramids. We gave these plans to some guys on the   
       other side of the water, and they've already started. When we   
       get back we will see who built the most, and whose are taller."   
       The other aliens are trying to hold back laughter, which the   
       humans interpret as a sign of goodness and benevolence. Then   
       the aliens get back in the ship and take off, and let their   
       laughter loose. Those idiots will be building pyramids for a   
       thousand years, thinking we'll be back some day and measure   
       them and hand out trophies.   
      
       The same year as Chariots? Came out, we had 2001: A Space   
       Odyssey, which also had some extraterrestrial intervention.   
       You know, the monkeys and the monolith.   
      
       There was some guy in charge of dropping off the monolith on   
       Sol-3. The alien equivalent of appliance installers delivered   
       it overnight, made sure it was level, turned it on, and left.   
       In the middle of the night the lead monkey had a strange dream   
       asking him how satisfied he was with the monolith delivery, on   
       a scale of 1 to 5 stars. He knew not what this meant, but was   
       compelled to visit the spot the next day, whereupon the Monolith   
       activated its Smart Rays and started to impart Knowledge to   
       the stinking, lice-ridden hominids. The guy in charge of Sol-3   
       marked the job as COMPLETED and moved on to placing a monolith   
       on a watery planet inhabited by translucent turtles. A few   
       years later the boss asks for a report on the monkeys, and he   
       checks out how it's going. Uh oh.   
      
       Project Manager: the Smart Rays have been working for the   
       desired interval; how goes it? Are they building homes and   
       cultivating crops?   
      
       Employee: uh - maybe? I haven't checked the entire planet.   
      
       Project Manager: so what are they doing?   
      
       Employee: well, uh, the ones that listened to the Monolith   
       picked up some bones and beat the other monkeys to death and   
       stole their berries.   
      
       Project Manager: (Silence)   
      
       Employee: I can write up a ticket and see if the Rays need   
       adjusting   
      
       Project Manager: they're beating the other monkeys to death   
      
       Employee: well they did learn to sharpen the bones.   
      
       Project Manager: to dig in the earth and plant?   
      
       Employee: actually no, there's been some stabbing. Well quite   
       a lot actually.   
      
       Project Manager: great. Fantastic. Now we have to intercept   
       these morons when they get space travel and send them a Big   
       Baby. Don't ask what that means. I don't know. It's above my   
       pay grade.   
      
       Anyway. The ABC obit for Erich von Däniken ended thus:   
      
       His last major venture, a theme park based on his books, failed   
       after just a few years due to lack of interest. The "Mystery   
       Park" still stands, its man-made pyramids and otherworldly   
       domes rotting as tourists prefer to explore the charms of the   
       nearby town of Interlaken and the imposing Swiss Alps that   
       surround it.   
      
       I wouldn't say it's rotting.   
      
       [Photo: Google Earth view, or view from ancient astronauts   
       returning to see how it's going]   
      
       The Mayan pyramid is now a nightclub, according to Google. It   
       opens on weekends. No human sacrifice, as far as I can tell,   
       although it's possible you could meet someone who would later   
       rip your heart out, so to speak.   
      
   --    
   Mark Shaw                                        moc TOD liamg TA wahsnm   
   ========================================================================   
                        "Anyway, we delivered the bomb."   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)