From: ibshambat@gmail.com   
      
   I am writing now on a subject that I know a fair deal about. It is about how   
   to be a good parent. My daughter and I have a wonderful relationship, and I   
   want to share some insights as to how such can be achieved.   
      
   The first ingredient of good parenting is love. If you don’t love your child   
   you might as well give her up for adoption, as you have no chance of being a   
   good parent. Love provides nurturing soil for the raising of life, and all   
   children deserve to be    
   raised with love.   
      
   Another essential is self-control. Children will do things that will anger you   
   and annoy you. How you react to that says everything about what you are as a   
   person. Character means controlling what you do with your fists and your   
   mouth. Remain in control    
   at all times and refrain from abusive behavior.   
      
   Another is treating the child as an intelligent form of life. When children do   
   wrong things many parents punish them or attack them. In many cases that   
   approach is wrong. What you really need to do is explain to the child why what   
   she is doing is wrong.    
   In most cases the children will understand and react accordingly.   
      
   The same approach is necessary in motivating the child. Many parents try to   
   get the children to behave by telling them that they will be losers or   
   criminals if they don’t. That approach is also mistaken. It gets the parent   
   being seen as a bully.    
   Instead the matter needs to be put into the framework of good will. Tell the   
   child that you want her to have a good life, and that this means staying in   
   school, learning how to deal with people, following the law and avoiding   
   teenage pregnancy.   
      
   Another ingredient of successful parenting is responsibility. If you have   
   brought life into the world, you are responsible for it. Many people become   
   parents when they aren’t willing to be responsible, and that hurts the   
   children and the society.   
      
   Still another ingredient is commitment. Your child is the most important thing   
   in your life, and the child needs to know that. Commitment to the child is   
   lifelong. It doesn’t end when the child turns 18. It is valid to encourage   
   the children toward    
   independence; it is not valid to not care what happens to them after that.   
      
   Another is compassion. Children will have their concerns and they will have   
   their struggles. Your job is to be there for them. It is to be their mentor   
   and their best friend. It is to use your experience and intelligence to help   
   them through whatever    
   concerns and whatever struggles they may have.   
      
   Another is tolerance and open-mindedness. There are going to be many   
   situations in which the child is not like the parents, and the parents need to   
   accept that. There are some – especially in Asia – who want children to do   
   what their parents did; and    
   that is wrong. Where would we be if Isaac Newton, Thomas Jefferson or Steven   
   Jobs did what their parents did? Children are not their parents, and in many   
   cases these differences are valid. Children should not be made to do what   
   their parents did. They    
   need to be able to figure out what they themselves stand to be good at, and   
   thus be encouraged into directions that reflect their talents rather than the   
   choices of their parents. I have seen intolerance practiced on both the Right   
   and the Left, and in    
   both cases it is wrong. People should be free to contribute whatever they   
   stand to contribute, whether or not it accords with the way in which the   
   parents have themselves chosen to live.   
      
   Still another is having faith in the child and building confidence and   
   strength. Whatever the path the child chooses to take, it is inevitable that   
   she will be dealing with all sorts of bad people. The child needs to know how   
   to take care of herself.    
   Some children are naturally more sensitive; others less so. In either case   
   strength is something that can be built; and I, having been the shortest and   
   weakest kid in class, have built strength by doing tons of exercise and   
   demanding of myself a high    
   standard of conduct.   
      
   Another is ethics. While ethics can be practiced in oppressive, cruel and   
   hypocritical ways, that is in no way the only possible outcome. It is possible   
   to conduct yourself in an ethical way without doing any of the above. This   
   coincides with what I’ve    
   written before about treating the child as an intelligent form of life. Teach   
   the child good values and explain the reasons for them, while taking good care   
   to avoid cruelty and hypocrisy. That way the value will not be associated with   
   things that are    
   wrong, and the value itself will be preserved.   
      
   Still another is respect. While some people think that there is nothing to   
   respect about children, in many cases that is not true. My daughter has shown   
   herself to have good judgment, and she is conscientious and responsible. Her   
   first social interaction    
   at age 1 was coming up to another little girl and giving her a hug. She has   
   many good qualities that I don’t have, and I respect her.   
      
   Many people see wrongdoing done in families and become against family as such.   
   I used to be one of these people, then I had a family of my own and realized   
   how foolish that stance was. Like anything human, family can be done right and   
   it can be done    
   wrong. What I have done as a parent has worked. I suggest these insights to   
   other people.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)