XPost: alt.atheism, alt.atheism.satire, alt.fan.jesus-christ   
   XPost: alt.flame.jesus.christ   
   From: larry_jackowski@hotmail.com   
      
   Earle Jones held us spellbound with...   
      
   >  The scholar St. Jackanapes shared his wisdom...   
   >   
   > >  Father Haskell held us spellbound with...   
   > >   
   > > > Wise St. Jackanapes enlightened us all with...   
   > > >   
   > > > > Irv Hyatt held us spellbound with...   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > The Teacher "St. Jackanapes" taught us...   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > > Father Haskell held us spellbound with...   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > >> > > > Some Christian madman raved insanely...   
   > > > > > >> > > >   
   > > > > > >> > > > Jesus Christ was the greatest man in human history!!!   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > >> > > > He did never, ever hurt anyone!!! But he gave his life to   
   > > > > > >> > > > save the human race!!!   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > >> > > > If you don't like him, you are a sinner and you must BURN   
   > > > > > >> > > > at the stake!!!   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > >> > > Did you know he only had one testicle?   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > >> > Who did he steal it from?   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > >> Thought he whittled it from an old corn cob.   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > > Knowing about Jesus' disdain for hard work, I know that he sure had   
   > > > > > > enough time on his hands to whittle all day long.   
   > > > >   
   > > > > > Whittle or diddle?   
   > > > >   
   > > > > During his long dull days, Jesus would occasionally become sexually   
   > > > > aroused by the odd shape of a knot in a wood plank. This problem often   
   > > > > caused an long interruption in his work. Because of his lazy ways, his   
   > > > > income from fabricating Roman crosses wasn't steady, and he'd have to   
   > > > > make do with his donkey. When he could afford it, he would ride to town   
   > > > > on his long suffering donkey, and procure the services of a favorite   
   > > > > Nubian prostitute at Flavius Genitalius' Greek Style whorehouse.   
   > > > >   
   > > > > His donkey was prematurely aging, and wouldn't serve him much longer,   
   so   
   > > > > he had an idea. He found a block of wood the perfect size, and began to   
   > > > > whittle away until it resembled something like an American football.   
   > > > > Then he began to whittle out a cavity within this wooden shape,   
   slightly   
   > > > > larger than a man's member. He stuffed it with leather strips and then   
   > > > > poured in olive oil. Forget women, this thing didn't talk back or   
   demand   
   > > > > money. You couldn't get Jesus away from the thing. Now you know why   
   > > > > Jesus was known for his celibacy - he'd whittled a place to diddle!   
   > > >   
   > > > Also, it didn't leave jesus smelling like a cantaloupe, something   
   > > > that always made the disciples tease him.   
   > >   
   > > Those clowns never gave the poor guy a break. It's not easy being   
   > > celibate. Especially when you've got the hots for your own mom, and   
   > > she's always hanging around giving Roman soldiers blow jobs.   
   > >   
   > *   
   > Support your local priest:  Send him an altar boy.   
      
   A very good point!   
      
   The Bible doesn't mention much about the camp followers that went   
   wherever Jesus and his entourage went. You get hints about rich women,   
   wealthy men, the prostitutes. But you know damn well that young boys   
   wanting to run away from home were certainly hangers on of such a   
   romantic group. Just as kids would want to run away to the circus in the   
   20th Century, boys would run away to join up with charismatic doomsday   
   cults.   
      
   Think about it - Here's the charismatic Jesus with his impressive   
   oratorical skills, healing people, catering weddings, bringing the dead   
   back to life, and never having to punch a time card. And his group was   
   never out of wine! What kid would want to stay at home tending the olive   
   trees while old dad whipped them silly. The Jesus show was a way to   
   escape all that drudgery and be in the limelight!   
      
   And back in those days pederasty wasn't as frowned upon as much as it is   
   today. It was how older men "taught" young boys the ways of nature - the   
   ways of religion - since Greek times. And Roman culture idolized Greeks.   
   This is where the dark heart of the Catholic Church got it's start. The   
   next thing you know, the leaders of the church swear off sex with   
   females. And they demonized Mary Magdeline by putting her story right   
   next to a prostitute's in the Bible. The institutionalization of   
   misogyny got rid of any female competition in the boy's club of   
   Christianity.   
      
   And to make the rape of young boys look on the up & up, and to keep a   
   steady supply coming, the Catholic Church quickly gave them jobs: as   
   altar boys, of course. What was exposed in the Church in the past few   
   years is nothing new at all. It's been going on since the whole damn   
   thing began.   
      
   --   
   St. Jackanapes   
   http://www.jackanapes.ws   
   ============================   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)