On Wednesday, 17 December 2014 09:32:48 UTC, Trade  wrote:   
   > Hi I'm new here and you can call me Trade. I'm 29 years old and from central   
   England. I said to myself that if I don't make anything of my life by the time   
   I reach 30 I would kill myself. Well I've got 3 months left till I'm 30, so   
   things aren't    
   looking great.   
   >    
   > I could on forever for my reasons for wanting to kill myself. But in short,   
   my life is one big fuck up and the only thing that really makes me happy (and   
   sad at the same time) is thinking about my death and planing my funeral. It's   
   werid, I get this '   
   warm fuzzy feeling' every time I think about killing myself, it's the second   
   best thing to an orgasm for me - I feel more alive when I think about being   
   dead.   
   >    
   > For me, killing myself is the ultimate form of control of my life - the one   
   thing that I can fully control. To kill myself, I don't need the help of   
   government, churches, mates, family, etc to kill me... I can do it myself.   
   What I love about killing    
   myself is that I don't have to worry about the welfare of the people I love (I   
   care them more than myself), I don't have to worry about getting a job, eating   
   healthy, getting laid, saving for old age, etc, etc.    
   >    
   > You see I've spent my life caring for others but the one person I can't seem   
   to help is myself. It's a far too big a job and I can't handle the   
   responsibility. Maybe I enjoy being this way, maybe I'm too lazy, maybe I just   
   don't care anymore or all of    
   the above.   
   >    
   > Anyway hello and I hope to be gone soon.   
      
   Have you got a fool-proof method in mind? I'm in central England but can't   
   afford failure so it must work.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)