From: polichinkin@gmail.com   
      
   On Monday, August 18, 2014 1:23:40 PM UTC-4, ctb_sloth wrote:   
   > I don't know if this is necessarily completely on-topic, but I haven't   
   really been able to find anywhere else I feel comfortable enough to post at,   
   so what the hell.   
   >    
   > I was in a therapy group once, and I remember the guy saying "Suicide's a   
   permanent solution to a temporary problem."  Apparently that's a cliche --   
   seen it around lots since then -- but it was the first time I heard it.  I'll   
   grant that it's got some    
   truth to it in a lot of cases.  I mean, I don't think anyone should off   
   themselves just because one or two things went sour, not with extensive   
   thought going into it.  Wait a few months after that bad breakup, or you lost   
   your job, or whatever.  Give it    
   some time to see if things get better.   
   >    
   > But what about depression in general?  I mean, when you *could* take a step   
   out of your life and tell yourself "Hey, you've got it halfway decent," but   
   that part of your brain is always too quiet and/or ignored?  When depression   
   itself become a    
   terminal illness, where you know that no matter what happens, it'll never get   
   better?  You'll never be "normal", you'll never be "happy" for any real length   
   of time.     
   >    
   > I've been fighting it for over 20 years, and I'm just tired of it.  I'm   
   tired of being miserable no matter what happens in my life, good or bad.  It's   
   gotten to the point where it's no longer a "temporary problem," it's life.    
   It's my life.  It's    
   waking up in the morning, it's everything that happens throughout the day, and   
   going back to bed so I can be miserable again tomorrow.   
   >    
   > For Christ's sake, I was having some minor health issues a couple of months   
   ago, and they took some chest x-rays since I'm a smoker and there's an   
   off-chance the problems could've been cause by lung cancer.  I literally cried   
   when I found out the pics    
   were clean and I was "healthy".  The entire drive home from work -- about an   
   hour and a half -- I cried.  At least if I had cancer, I knew it'd be over   
   soon, and I'd get good drugs for pain and nausea that would knock me out most   
   of the time.  Hell, I'm    
   still extremely disappointed I'm cancer-free.   
   >    
   > I'm not brave enough to kill myself.  I know.  I've tried a couple of times,   
   and I chickened out both times before it even got serious (tried suspension   
   hanging; didn't even go far enough to get rope burn out of it).  But I'm not   
   brave enough to take    
   on life either.  I'm stuck in this sick limbo of wanting things to end but not   
   being strong enough to do it.  And that makes me even more miserable -- I'm   
   too weak to change my life, and too weak to end it.   
   >    
   > I don't know where else I planned on this to go, so thanks for reading.   
   >    
   > Here's hoping we all find whatever peace we're looking for.   
      
   I am in exactly same sit as you.  Cant go/can't stay but the depression is   
   awful.  Please email me.  Maybe we can chat a bit?   
   Polly   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)