From: mermaidprincessmeg12@gmail.com   
      
   On Saturday, January 10, 2015 at 6:15:33 PM UTC-5, Lost wrote:   
   > On Saturday, January 10, 2015 at 4:10:02 PM UTC-6, Megan wrote:   
   > > On Saturday, January 10, 2015 at 3:08:44 PM UTC-5, nickfur...@gmail.com   
   wrote:   
   > > > Me either Lost, I don't want to die somewhere my family goes regularly   
   so home is definitely out. I'm going to be in a beautiful natural setting when   
   I ctb so at least I'll have that.   
   > >    
   > > lmao, no offense but I think we're kind of kidding ourselves by acting   
   like dying away from home will make it any easier on our parents/families. I   
   went through that train of thought too, but honestly It's gonna be just as   
   traumatic if not more so    
   for them to have to go in and identify your body at the morgue once you're   
   eventually found (and worst of all would be if they never found you, your   
   family would never have closure and it would eat at them forever.) Not to   
   mention idk how your families    
   are specifically, but if they're private or sensitive people, knowing your   
   body/death was in public might unsettle them extremely. NOT saying not to do   
   it outside if that's where you would feel most peaceful catching the bus, just   
   saying not to think it'   
   s a helluva lot better. We need to be conscious of the facts that our suicides   
   are going to be devastating to those we leave behind no matter where and how   
   we do it. In my opinion, at least, it's important to come to terms with that   
   before leaving.   
   >    
   > No offense taken, Megan.    
   > You made a lot of good points and it is the primary reason why I'm here.   
   Heck during my first therapy session when she asked why I was here I said,   
   "for the sake of my friends, I don't give a crap about myself".  How did you   
   come to terms with your    
   departure Megan?   
      
   Same here Lost, <3 I'm only here right now solely for my family. And well,   
   I've come to terms with it because of the simple fact that I really and truly   
   believe I will never "get better" or be okay. I will ALWAYS require an insane   
   amount of care,    
   attention, and money for treatment, and the best I will get is barely   
   functional. It's not a life for anyone involved. It'd be one thing if my   
   suicide was because I was "mad" at my parents or resentful of them or   
   something, but this is well thought    
   through and rational. I love my parents. We are all living in misery right now   
   with me (amongst other problems) and despite my best efforts, nothing has   
   changed or will change. Another reason I have come to terms is that I have put   
   in a substantial    
   amount of effort trying medications, therapist, inpatient programs, outpatient   
   programs, PHP programs, the works, as well as trying other things to fill my   
   time to assure myself it wasn't just staying stagnant that was the problem. It   
   comforts me to know    
   my family and friends will at least have peace that they offered me all the   
   possible help available and I tried it and gave it my best shot. They will   
   still be DEVASTATED, I'm not kidding myself there, but they will at least have   
   ANSWERS and not "what    
   ifs?" They will not be left with the guilt of not having gotten me help or   
   supported me or anything of the sort. I think it will be more like having a   
   terminal child finally die after a long illness rather than a spiteful or   
   abrupt suicide. It's still    
   HORRIBLE and the grief will be immense, but they won't be left with angry   
   words from me, they will know just how appreciate I am of all their help. In   
   all my letters (which I have finally finished, just have to print them out   
   now) I gave clear answers    
   and assumed responsbility for my sickness, outlining the ways in which each   
   individual has helped me and how much they meant to me and made my time   
   special, also assuring them why anything else they would have done would not   
   have worked. I know there    
   will always be hints of doubt, but as opposed to spiteful suicide in the heat   
   of a moment after an argument or one after estrangement, they will at least   
   have the peace of knowing I died feeling loved and supported, but that some   
   lives are just cut short    
   for many reasons. My mental illness causing my death is the equivalent of an   
   18 year old dying from cancer or a 22 year old dying in a car wreck, at this   
   point. It wasn't FAIR and it's extremely painful it happened, but there was NO   
   stopping it and    
   nobody is to blame, it just IS, and I think after all the years I've spent   
   trying to better myself, going to school, working, etc, they can at least know   
   we all tried.   
      
   Sorry for the novel, just wanted to elaborate for you as best I could because   
   I've been in that spot myself. I'm also always here if you want to have a   
   private conversation! <3   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)