From: zen114216@zen.co.uk   
      
   Flashback scene: The Alternative Red Dwarf:   
      
   White Hole: Episode IV, Red Dwarf IV:   
      
   There had also been the time, when Kryten had repaired Talkie Toaster,   
   much to Lister's horror! But that said, Kryten, had pioneered a process,   
   which could restore, the mechanical intelligence of a device, at the cost   
   of reducing, it's operational life-span! And Talkie, was his Guinea Pig!   
      
   Even though, Talkie kept on, continually pestering, Lister and Kryten, into   
   eating, a wide range of bread related products, Kryten's most recent   
   experiment, had proved, to be a great success, and he had reasoned, with   
   his fellow Dwarfer's, that he wanted to use, the same process, on Holly,   
   which would definitely cure her, of her advanced case, of computer seniliy,   
   which would, eventually, restore her IQ, to six thousand! In the end,   
   Kryten's   
   experiment, on Holly, proved to be a great success, and she had, suddenly   
   turned into, a female version of Dr Magnus Pike and Dr David Bellamy, well   
   especially, in terms, of personality, anyhow!   
      
   Unfortunately however, even though her intelligence was raised to double,   
   it's original level, she still could not, get an intelligent conversation,   
   out of   
   Talkie Toaster, with the exception of him asking her, if she knew anything,   
   about the use of Chaos Theory, in predicting Weather Cycles! And even   
   though, Holly had assured Talkie, that she knew everything, that there was   
   to know, about the use of Chaos Theory, in predicting Weather Cycles,   
   he suddenly asked her, a very important question: "Why have you got an IQ   
   of twelve thousand, when it was supposed to return, and level out, at six?".   
   Holly informed Talkie, that there had been a miscalculation, and that her IQ   
   had doubled, and that the penalty, for that, was, that her life expectancy,   
   would be exponentially reduced! Unfortunately however, there had been a   
   major side effect, where Kryten's major experiment, was concerned, and it   
   had actually turned out, that Holly's life expectancy, had been drastically   
   reduced, to three minutes and forty five seconds! And therefore, in order to   
   conserve, her remaining run time, Holly had got no choice, but to shut down!   
   And as a consequence of that, all of the ships electrical power systems, did   
   exactly the same! And the Boyz, from the Dwarf, who were making their way,   
   back to the Science Room, soon found, that they had suddenly been prevented,   
   from going any further, because the lack of electrical power, had stopped   
   the   
   doors, in the corridors, from opening! And therefore, they were now trapped!   
   Fortunately however, a very resourceful Lister, decided to use Kryten, as a   
   battering ram, and there were fifty three doors, between them, and the   
   Science   
   Room! Kryten, was a little bit disorientated, by the experience, naturally!   
   But that said, he was more than capable, of working out, just exactly what   
   was going on, where their situation, was concerned, which was more, than   
   could be said, for Rimmer, who could not understand, the simple premise,   
   that Holly, had only got one minute, and thirty seconds left, of her   
   runtime,   
   remaining, after she had explained to him, the reason, why she wanted to   
   remain,   
   switched off! But it suddenly came to him, in the end, anyhow!   
      
   This meant, that the crew of Red Dwarf, had the option of either starvation,   
   (well,   
   there were the options, of eating cold baked beans, which meant, that Lister   
   would   
   have to spend, the best part of twenty minutes, sawing the lids of the cans,   
   off, and   
   keeping the electric blanket warm, by using a bicycle-powered hairdryer!   
   Unfortunately   
   however, a very selfish Cat, usually took advantage of Lister's generosity,   
   by   
   hogging the electric blanket, for   
   the best part of eight hours, by making poor Lister pedal, on the exercise   
   bike, in the sleeping quarters, which would eventually warm up, after the   
   best part of eight hours worth of pedalling, on the exercise bike! And all   
   that   
   pedalling, on the exercise bike, would usually, take it's toll, on poor   
   Lister,   
   which wasn't all, that surprising, really! And Rimmer, had utterly refused   
   to   
   switch himself off, to conserve, emergency power. But that wasn't really an   
   issue, especially as Kryten, informed his fellow Dwarfers, that the   
   life-support   
   systems, would cease to function, in all too short, a time, anyway!   
      
   But even worse than that, without the support of a navigation system, they   
   were heading, towards a white hole, the opposite of a black hole, which   
   spewed time and matter, back into the universe. And after a number of   
   chaotic   
   incidents, which had occurred, on the   
   Dwarf, the Boyz all had a very disordered discussion, in the Science room,   
   with regard, to their new predicament, where the Cat kept on, annoying   
   everybody so badly, especially as he just, could not understand, the theory   
   of a white hole, and why they were all experiencing problems, where the time   
   phenomena, was concerned. And the Cat, kept on asking: "What is it?!", and   
   an extremely annoyed Lister, eventually ordered, someone to punch him out!   
   And this was, because he had basically, worked it out, that the Cat,   
   wouldn't   
   have understood, what everyone was talking about, even if their discussion,   
   wasn't all over the shop, thanks to the problem, where all that time   
   phenomena,   
   which had been caused by them, been gradually, sucked, into the white hole,   
   was concerned!   
      
   Holly who had had her IQ doubled, by 12,000 was finally switched on, for one   
   more computation, and Lister was amazed, at the situation, that she came up   
   with.   
   The answer it seemed, was to play planetary pool, by knocking a nearby   
   planet,   
   into the "pocket" of the white hole, thereby sealing it up. Unfortunately   
   however, to   
   Lister's mind, Holly had got the shot wrong, and if they did it, her way,   
   the shot   
   would be off the table, and straight into, someone's beer! To the complete   
   and utter horror of the others, Lister decided to trust, his own pool   
   skills,   
   over Holly's own computations! Thanks to many evenings at The Aigburth   
   Arms in Liverpool, which Rimmer quite charmingly, referred to, as "a Scouse   
   drinking pit!". And Lister, took his aim and missed! Starbug was now   
   trapped,   
   in the path of an oncoming planet, and all aboard, were doomed, or so it   
   seemed...   
      
   Fortunately however, the balls ricocheted, and the pot, was achieved! "A   
   trick   
   shot, played for and got!", claimed Lister. And Rimmer, kindly referred to   
   Lister,   
   as a jammy goit, naturally!   
      
   The pool playing with planets incident, also had, quite an unexpected side   
   effect, for the Boyz from the Dwarf...   
      
   Once the white hole had disappeared, for once and for all, the time, that it   
   spewed, into the universe, no longer existed, as it was during this time,   
   that   
   Holly and the Toaster were 'repaired', these events, had no longer occurred.   
   And as Starbug, faded away, around them, and the Red Dwarf crew, were   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)