From: wog-NotThisBit-george@amd-p.com   
      
   "That Guy" <7@f.com> wrote in message   
   news:y8GdnUWWw7cVp4janZ2dnUVZ_tyknZ2d@giganews.com...   
   > I, too, have grunted, groaned and wheezed out a massive fill of feces, and   
   > I did also call my wife, "Dear, come look at this!"  It took a little   
   > convincing but she came and looked.   
   >   
   > But my best ever was when no one else was home.  I was like the energizer   
   > bunny, just kept going and going and GOING...  Unfortunately it was the   
   > consistency of mud so there was no intricately-curled pipe or ribbon   
   > shape, it was more like a wide cone or pyramid... that filled the deep   
   > part of the toilet bowl and actually rose up out of the water a good inch   
   > or two.  And it's an elongated-bowl toilet.  It was a massive pile of   
   > shit, far beyond what any ordinary man could achieve.  It was truly   
   > heroic.   
   >   
      
   That was my MO when I was eating lots of vegetables and whole grain rice, as   
   well as exercising vigourously.  There was no effort involved, however.  It   
   was a case of sit, release, and stare in amazement.  Whatever Richard   
   Dreyfuss was working on in Close Encounters paled into insignificance each   
   and every time I let go.  I was the champion.  No-one could accuse me of   
   being full of shit because I had evidence to the contrary - irrefutable   
   evidence by its sheer volume.   
      
      
   > Knowing that no one would ever believe me, I got the camera and took   
   > several shots.   
   >   
      
   You're a man after my own heart...   
      
   > Damned if it didn't look WAY smaller in the photos, wouldn't you know it!!   
   > I almost cried.   
   >   
      
   I never suffered in such a way because digi cameras weren't as prevalent   
   when I did my best work.   
      
   > Still, my own version of the Great Pyramid pales in comparison to the log   
   > I saw at work one day.  It was again an elongated toilet bowl, and the log   
   > was suspended in the bowl from back to the front.  It was bowed slightly   
   > in the middle due to gravity, and the water came up to about the halfway   
   > point on the lowest part of the turd which of course was the center.  It   
   > was a good 2 1/2 to 3 inches in diameter and about 18 inches long.   
   >   
   > I tried to flush the beast, but even without the water supporting part of   
   > the middle, it was too strong to fold up and let the currents carry it to   
   > its watery grave.   
   >   
   > Since that day, I've wondered if it was fake.  It seems logistically   
   > impossible for something that large and stiff to come out of a person.  On   
   > the other hand, it just doesn't make sense that someone would go through   
   > the trouble of creating a very realistic-looking fake turd, bringing it to   
   > work, sneaking it into the bathroom and positioning it carefully in the   
   > toilet bowl so that it wouldn't jam it up.  It's just not the kind of   
   > workplace that attracts that sort of joker.  There'd be no payoff because   
   > most of the guys who work here don't enjoy that sort of humor enough to   
   > talk about it at work.   
   >   
      
   Crap was no laughing matter at IBM in Brisbane a few years ago.  We had a   
   phantom shitter who would cake the back of the bowl in seemingly unreachable   
   areas.  One day, we noticed a distinctive odour emanating from a cubicle but   
   no feet were visible under the door.  Apparently we'd found a "squatter" who   
   would put his feet on the bowl, settle down to whatever was comfortable, and   
   then proceed to spray paint the joint.   
      
   Trying not to seem too obvious, we didn't hang around, but we identified the   
   culprit a few days later.  While the phantom was plying his trade, we   
   (including a manager) convened a "meeting" at the lifts, which you had to   
   walk past when returning from the crapper.  No-one was in there, and this   
   Russian guy was the only one who came out.  A quick inspection revealed that   
   the phantom had left his calling card and Peter Pooper's identity had been   
   revealed.   
      
      
   > So, it was probably real.  I wish I'd had my camera that day...   
   >   
   >   
   You'd have only been disappointed again anyway.   
      
   --   
   George   
   "The standard measuring unit for human faeces.  One Katie Couric is   
   approximately 2½ pounds of excrement." - European Faecal Standards &   
   Measurements  - 10 October 2007   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)