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    Yes to Gossamer   
      
    All That I Love   
   by Lashala   
   Lashala@hotmail.com   
      
   Part 2   
   See part 0 for header information.   
      
      
   No one addresses who those connections might be and I don't offer anything   
   more. "Look, I need to *do this!*"   
      
   Scully nods at me and I turn to Fox. This isn't going to ever be a simple thing   
   with him. "Fox, I can't promise I'll be able to contact you. We're talking   
   countryside. Villages without indoor plumbing or running water. I don't know   
   how often I'll be able to make a call or get a card out but I'll do what I   
   can."   
      
   "I...know."   
      
   It's so weak, so forlorn I almost change my mind. Then an image flows through   
   it and I steel myself. "I'd better go."   
      
   "How... How will I know if I *do* get a message. How will I know it's you?"   
      
   //Oh, my dearest baby.// I look into those eyes and feel my love for this man   
   drive truth into each word. "You'll know, Fox. You'll *know!*"   
      
   "A-Alex? I-I..."   
      
   Before he says anything else to tear up my resolve, I wrap my fingers around   
   his neck, pull his lips to mine and kiss him slowly. Memorize the contours of   
   his tongue, lips and mouth; pray the memory will keep the love between us   
   strong. I need it to.   
      
   He kisses me back and tears fill my mouth, his lips hungry over mine. As if   
   this is the last time we'll do this and he can't get enough.   
      
   I won't *let it* be the last!   
      
   I ease back, nuzzle our cheeks together; cherish the rasp of bristle and   
   whisper, "Will you wait for me? Will you wait for Michael Knight to come   
   back?"   
      
   Tears stain his face again and I fight not to lick them off. I can't. "I-I'll   
   wait," he pants in a voice weak with grief, "but it's 'Alex' that I want to   
   come back. I'll wait for *him* forever."   
      
   That promise twists my heart; makes my entire body ache. I know he'll keep it   
   too. To the extent if I die there, he'll never know. Will wait for me. Will   
   live out his life, waiting for a few pounds of dirt that may never return.   
      
   I'd almost convinced myself I *wouldn't* come back; wouldn't put him through   
   anymore risk of injury or worse because of me. Then his slow exhale, a hitched   
   agonized sound, convinces me I *will* come back. Now, I *have* to!   
      
   The dreams did this. To him. To me. Brought us to this point, this time, that   
   we can't deny any longer. He needs me and I need him. Can't live without him.   
   Know that he'd die waiting for me, deny himself to anyone else because of a   
   dream. A dream in which he knows how much I love him; learned how much he loves   
   me. I have to come back!   
      
   //I will, Fox. If I have to drag myself, crawl the whole fucking way, I *swear*   
   I'll come back to you!//   
      
   His arms start to wrap around me and I dance back, away; manage to give him a   
   daring, flirty wink to take away the sting of rejection. I know if I get caught   
   up in those loving arms now I won't be able to do this.   
      
   I *have* to do this!   
      
   "Well, I... I guess I better go. Got a long trip."   
      
   Dana looks at me and I'm surprised at the sadness on her face. I'd still   
   thought she'd want to do cartwheels knowing Fox could slip away from me. "Alex,   
   can't you at least wait a bit? Get some breakfast? I got bagels and strawberry   
   cream cheese. I made a fresh pot of coffee."   
      
   My stomach grumbles in delight but *I'm* in control here. "And get how much   
   'knockout juice' *with it*, Dana?"   
      
   It was a joke. Really, but I guess my own sardonic humor's not sharable. Dana's   
   eyes lighten and in this short time together I know it's *their* version of   
   'hurt'. "I didn't lace anything, Alex. I just thought you might want something   
   to eat *before* you left."   
      
   Damnit! I can't stop even now, can I? "I'm just joking there, Doc. I know...   
   Eat right, exercise, don't smoke." I flash a hot look at Fox letting my eyes   
   rake over him openly. "I don't smoke anymore and I *do* exercise. How's two out   
   of three?"   
      
   Dana rolls her eyes, the color's back better and I know the breach is bridged   
   again. "I'm not going to go there. As it is, you two are nearly disgusting.   
   Between the noise and..." Her face goes red and I can't help but grin back as   
   she quickly thinks of something else. "Well, you're just *noisy*.   
      
   Yeah, I'm sure. The hallway and my bedroom also smell like cum and sweat every   
   morning, too. That's what she wants to say and won't. Sweet little gal.   
      
   I feel sorry for her. I do. Let's not play here, Fox and I have been at it bad!   
   We'll like two horny teens or worse (if we can *be* worse). I mean he's no   
   novice in this... Um, well I *am* the first he's ever sucked off... Um, yeah,   
   I'm the first he's ever *rimmed*...   
      
   Look, he can fuck so he's not *that* naive, okay?!   
      
   What I'm trying to say is we can't help it. We just needed to connect; to be   
   close, touching. That we overdid it a few times (yes, *every* time. Happy?!),   
   wasn't done to be crude or mean to Scully. Hell, half the time we forgot she   
   was *there!*   
      
   Which brings me back to her earlier words and I manage to look deeply sorry. I   
   am. I know how loud I can be just jerking off. Add Fox and the 'real   
   deal'...   
      
   She's a good kid. Didn't shoot us both just to be able to sleep.   
      
   "Dana, I'm sorry about the noise. Fox is too."   
      
   She glances at my lover who looks more grieving than guilty. He says nothing   
   and I'm not sure if I should push him to. She saves us both moving right on to   
   the next thing. "There's a bag on the table with a bagel for you. Take it on   
   the way."   
      
   Did I say I *like* her? God, if I wasn't gay I might be tempted to marry her!   
   "Thanks, Dana. That's sweet of you." I mean it and she manages a soft   
   smile.   
      
   "You're welcome."   
      
   I turn to Fox, his face is tilted down now staring at his feet but I can see   
   the expression. He's that small puppy found chewing his master's shoe and   
   confused, frightened, by the smack of a newspaper on his butt. He's dangerous   
   this way. To himself. I don't want him to brood himself right into the   
   hospital; know he's got the best person to prevent that at his side. For once   
   I'm grateful he does.   
      
   "Scully, take care of him for me. Please?"   
      
   Dana looks at me equally hurt. "Alex? Why don't you take a moment to *listen*   
   to re...?"   
      
   "Dana, just promise to take care of him, *will you?!*"   
      
   I hate to snap but she gets it. I can't be dissuaded. "I'll do what I can,   
   Alex, but you *know* Mulder. Do you know where to start looking? Where to begin   
   searching for your family?"   
      
   No, I don't. Then again, I'm not planning on finding anyone. Least not all   
   'family' but I can't let either of them know that. Even get a hint of what I'm   
   *really* going to do. Fox would pin me down and Scully... She's still got that   
   voodoo bag of hers. I've had enough of that!   
      
   What did she do? Dragged me in for a checkup. Twice! If you want details just   
   ask Fox. I don't want to remember! I'm still trying to get linoleum floor chips   
   out from under my nails! That's why I made the remark on the bagel.   
      
   Let's get back to right now, please!   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)