From: polly122456@yahoo.com   
      
   *NO ARCHIVE*   
      
   Title:  Sweet Surrender (2/2)   
   Author:  Polly - polly122456@yahoo.com   
   See Part 1 for Headers and Disclaimers   
      
   ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~   
      
   For a few moments we just sat there looking at each   
   other, me bug-eyed, sputtering, and stuttering,   
   Scully casually sipping her wine waiting for me to   
   get a grip. Finally the ability to form words   
   returned and I threw my hands up to assist in   
   illustrating my confusion. "You're telling me t-that   
   on our first case ... in Oregon ... you w-were in   
   love with me?"   
      
   She raised one eyebrow and nodded slightly, her lips   
   perched on the rim of her glass. "Uh-huh," was all   
   she said.   
      
   My mouth dropped open and I curled my fingers into   
   tight fists. "And in six years, you never once   
   thought to mention that?"   
      
   She sat her wineglass in the headboard alcove and   
   pulled my hands out of the air, trapping them both   
   between hers. "Mulder, that night in Oregon I   
   listened to you talk about the importance of your   
   work, your suspicions about government conspiracies,   
   and your need to find your sister. You made your   
   priorities very clear. In fact, I think your exact   
   words were 'nothing else matters to me'."   
      
   Just my luck; Scully had a photographic memory too.   
      
   "It was for the best, really. Romantic entanglements   
   were the last thing either of us needed." She relaxed   
   her grip on my hands. "But you *did* need a partner   
   whether you wanted one or not, and I knew working   
   with you would be challenging and rewarding. So I put   
   aside my feelings and concentrated on being your   
   partner and your friend."   
      
   "So you *stopped* loving me, just like that?"   
      
   "I didn't say that." She let go of my hands and   
   folded hers in her lap. "I continued to have very   
   strong feelings for you, but eventually I convinced   
   myself it was my usual pattern and I was determined   
   not to let it go any further than that. We were   
   working well together, and I didn't want anything to   
   interfere with that." She picked up her wineglass but   
   didn't take a drink, just held it at the ready.   
      
   "Then so much happened," she continued. "I was gone,   
   and your father was killed. And Missy. My cancer. I   
   tried to shut you out then, but you wouldn't let me.   
   You did everything in your power to save me. I hope   
   you realize you are the best friend I've ever had."   
      
   I smiled at her as warmly as I knew how. "Likewise."   
      
   Her eyes sparkled and she tilted her head to the   
   side. "Then I was well again, and you were so sweet   
   and supportive when everything happened with Emily,   
   and for the first time I started to wonder if it was   
   possible that you had feelings for me that were   
   stronger than just friendship."   
      
   "Why didn't you say anything then?"   
      
   "Because then Diana showed up." She kept her eyes   
   trained on her wineglass as she traced a finger along   
   its edge. "And you hurt me very deeply -- not because   
   you'd never told me about her.  You didn't owe me any   
   explanations about old partners or past   
   relationships. It hurt because you didn't acknowledge   
   that you knew her right up front. I was extremely   
   embarrassed that I had to find out from *her* that   
   you two once worked together. I didn't understand how   
   you could be so cruel."   
      
   "I didn't do it on purpose, Scully," I said. "When I   
   walked into that briefing room and saw Diana, it   
   threw me for a loop. I know I should have said   
   something, but I didn't know what to say."   
      
   "I know," she replied. "But I still felt betrayed. I   
   felt you were deliberately hiding something from me.   
   So I came here and asked the guys about Diana. They   
   told me she was there when you found the X-Files, and   
   they implied you had a physical relationship with   
   her. Diana obviously still had feelings for you, and   
   because you were being so secretive, I thought you   
   must still have feelings for her."   
      
   "Scully, I ..."   
      
   "Everything happened so fast after that. Diana was   
   shot, they closed the X-Files, and eventually I   
   decided to quit. But you asked me to stay." She   
   reached over and trailed one fingertip along my   
   forearm. "That afternoon outside your apartment you   
   said all the right words I'd been waiting five years   
   to hear, but I couldn't trust that you truly meant   
   them. Were you telling me how you really felt, or   
   were you reciting the lines that would get me to   
   stay? Then I realized you were going to kiss me, and   
   I knew from that kiss that I would know if you were   
   telling me the truth or not. And then ..."   
      
   "And then we were so rudely interrupted."   
      
   She smiled and set her wineglass aside again. "When   
   you ran to call the ambulance, I remember laying   
   there thinking I was going to die never knowing for   
   sure how you really felt."   
      
   I lowered my eyes and I whispered, "I'm sorry I never   
   got the chance to show you."   
      
   "But you did show me, Mulder," she said, waiting for   
   me to look up again. "How many girls can say that   
   their man literally went to the ends of the earth for   
   them?"   
      
      
      
   "But after we got back from Antarctica, things got in   
   the way again," she continued. "The X-Files were   
   reopened without us and we were both having a hard   
   time adjusting. You didn't seem interested in picking   
   up where we left off in that hallway, so I thought it   
   was best to forget it and only concentrate on   
   maintaining our partnership and our friendship."   
      
   "But I told you I loved you. In Bermuda."   
      
   "Ha!" It was part gasp, part laugh. "It's a little   
   hard to wrap your brain around that sentiment when   
   you've already heard it uttered to one doctor, two   
   nurses, three Gunmen, and Assistant Director   
   Skinner."   
      
   "That's what Frohike said."   
      
   She nodded. "You were drugged to the gills, Mulder. I   
   wasn't about to take you seriously or hold you to   
   anything you said at that point."   
      
   "But I meant it, Scully." I took her hand and pushed   
   the words out before I had time to swallow them back.   
   "I love you. I've loved you for so long, but I never   
   thought you could feel the same way about me."   
      
   She smiled and her thumb played over mine. "Amazing,   
   isn't it? Sometimes when we're on a case, you and I   
   are so in tune that I feel like I can read your   
   thoughts and you can read mine, yet somehow we've   
   never been able to apply that professional ability to   
   our personal feelings."   
      
   "I know," I agreed. "I guess you were right. I could   
   have used a few of those communication seminars after   
   all." I paused for a moment, wishing I hadn't been so   
   anxious to chase mothmen the last time Scully wanted   
   to share a glass of wine with me. "Why tonight?" I   
   asked. "What made you finally tell me how you felt?"   
      
   She pulled her hand away and reached for her   
   wineglass, tipping it toward me in a mock toast.   
   "Well, *this* didn't hurt." She tossed back the   
   remaining liquid, licked her lips, and set the empty   
   glass back on the headboard. She stretched out on the   
   mattress again and motioned for me to do the same. I   
   think Scully had discovered what I realized earlier -   
   - it was easier for us to share our true feelings   
   looking into the mirror instead of at each other. It   
   was intimate, yet kept things at a safe distance. I   
   guess for both of us old habits died hard.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)