From: d4niphile@yahoo.com   
      
             Title: Right Now   
     Author: Daniphile   
     E-Mail: daniphile@hotmail.com   
     Archive: Goody gum drops. Keep my name and e-mail attached.   
     Rating: R for adult themes and language   
     Feedback: Hit me   
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     The case had been a nightmare, so it was only natural that the detective had   
   been a bombshell with a badge. Scully’s claws had been out the minute the   
   sassy wench had looked Mulder up and down with a very predatory gleam in her   
   emerald eyes. This one    
   was hot alright. She had those exotic Eurasian features with dead straight jet   
   black hair. She had that look about her that made every other woman within a   
   hundred feet of her feel… inadequate. No point mentioning that every male of   
   the species within a    
   hundred feet of her had their ears pricked and tongues wagging.   
      
   Mulder had behaved. The expression on his face had remained blank, he treated   
   her professionally, asked the appropriate questions and even remembered to   
   introduce his partner. Scully wasn’t impressed. Mulder wasn’t a fool. He would   
   play it cool with this    
   woman, downplay the attraction, probably trot out the whipped puppy expression   
   once or twice and get exactly what all the other guys were thinking about at   
   that moment; a night with Detective Aprile. Nina Aprile. Could it get any   
   worse?   
      
   Oh yes.   
      
   At the police station Scully had looked up from the fax machine to find ‘Miss   
   Aprile’ perched on the edge of a desk with Mulder standing next to her   
   pointing out something in a photo. Standing a little too close for Scully’s   
   comfort. She had marched over    
   there with the autopsy results from a previous victim and before she began to   
   explain to Mulder what they meant, she threw a predatory look of her own at   
   the detective.   
      
   For the following two days Scully found that the more her jealousy grew, the   
   more her insecurities began to plague her. She despised her insecurities. She   
   felt they were weaknesses. They made her furious with herself. They scared   
   her. They scared her    
   because they were too real. From a young age she had known she was different   
   from the other little girls. She couldn’t explain it at the time, she just   
   knew she was not like them. As she grew she had alienated herself from other   
   young girls by being ‘one    
   of the guys.’   
   Little Dana tagging along with her brothers, climbing trees, shooting bb guns,   
   building forts and occasionally picking fights. When she became a young woman   
   she had used her brain to alienate her from the masses of young, married,   
   family starting women.    
   She fought and studied and lost no small amount of blood, sweat and tears to   
   prove to the world that she didn’t need anyone to validate her. She had been   
   different from the start and she would remain that way. As a young woman she   
   began to notice other    
   young women. They had boyfriends, active sex lives, pregnancy scares,   
   whirlwind rollercoaster romances and she had text books. At twenty one years   
   old she was a virgin with an attitude problem. How depressing. She couldn’t   
   let anyone in. She couldn’t    
   bear to part with her emotions. Marcus had been the twelfth grade love of her   
   life in name only. She had only dated the little prick because Melissa had   
   harped on about it ever chance she got. She had been far too busy with   
    studying and playing off the ice queen façade to actually deal with her   
   issues and maybe enjoy herself a little bit.   
      
   Daniel had come along a couple of years later. Older, authoritative, softly   
   spoken and so mind bendingly intelligent. He had always looked at her with   
   such light in his eyes. She was the golden egg. She could do no wrong. Daniel   
   had made her feel like    
   she was the only thing that existed. She hung on to ever word that fell from   
   his lips with the blind devotion that can only come from young, first time,   
   inexperienced love. She could hardly believe that such a brilliant man found   
   her appealing. She often    
   wondered if he found her attractive. Her insecurities spoke loudly to her in   
   those days and they regularly made her doubt her sexual appeal.   
      
   Finally, after half a bottle of tequila and a few drags of a joint that the   
   guy down the hall offered to her she had mustered up the courage to make her   
   way to the office of Dr. Daniel Waterston. He had taken the burden of her   
   innocence that night.   
      
   Three incredible months later she found out he was married with children. The   
   world crashed and she was left with her painfully inflamed insecurities. She   
   had been nothing more than a warm body to a horny middle aged pervert. He had   
   taken what he wanted    
   without a thought for her feelings.   
      
   Long story short she completed her studies in medicine without ever allowing   
   herself to be tempted by another man. Eventually against the wishes of the   
   only man that would ever love her unconditionally, her father, she chose to   
   join the F.B.I. She wanted    
   to make a difference. She wanted to seat herself on the side of justice. Plus   
   carrying a gun for a living was just too beautiful for words.   
      
   She hadn’t counted on Jack, another older, authoritative figure. Jack had   
   given her the approval that she craved in the face of her father’s   
   disappointment. It didn’t take long for Jack to become too demanding, too   
   possessive of her, he tried to make    
   decisions for her. She had put an end to it. She wasn’t any man’s belonging.   
   She had joined the F.B.I to prove that. Eventually the constant fighting   
   became a burden and she felt relieved to find out that he had started seeing   
   someone else. She had ended    
   the relationship with a wry smile and some deadpan quip she couldn’t quite   
   remember. They were pleasant to each other when they happened to bump into   
   each other, no great deal of damage was done. Despite her relief she had felt   
   betrayed. What was it    
   about her that made a man stray? What was it about her that attracted straying   
   men? Couldn’t anyone just love her?   
      
   Ethan had been fun while he lasted. After she had been assigned to Mulder for   
   a few months Ethan dumped her with a message on her answering machine. How   
   mature. According to gossip through mutual friends Ethan had been seeing   
   someone at his work for a    
   couple of months before he ditched her. Third strike. She was out. Three men,   
   three liars, three cheaters. Three men who didn’t and couldn’t love her. Maybe   
   she was just unloveable.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)