From: susanf34@comcast.net   
      
   *NO ARCHIVE*   
      
      
      
   **Headers, disclaimers, etc. are all listed in   
   chapter one. susanf34@comcast.net   
      
      
   Chronology   
   by Susan   
   ~~~~   
      
   chapter two   
      
      
   Bellefleur, Oregon   
   10:23 pm   
      
   She was exhausted.   
      
   Not just from the long flight and the drive to   
   the motel, but being sick most of the flight had   
   left her drained both physically and emotionally.   
      
   Taking a long warm shower had helped though, and   
   now she was ready to at least *try* to settle in   
   for the night and get rested up for what would   
   most certainly be a difficult morning.   
      
   Reaching over to the nightstand, she picked up   
   the notebook she'd brought along with her, then   
   adjusted the covers over her legs.   
      
   At the time she'd decided to bring the journal,   
   she thought that it would help her feel closer   
   to Mulder, but now that she was holding it in her   
   hand, her heart ached with a longing so intense   
   it made her entire body hurt.   
      
   Should she simply tuck it back into her suitcase   
   and forget that she'd even brought it?   
      
   Or should she actually read some more of it,   
   letting his words comfort her?   
      
   Knowing that there was really only one answer to   
   her question, she opened up the book and turned   
   to the third entry.   
      
      
   XXXXXXXXXXXX   
   3/18/92   
      
   I had an unusual encounter with someone today at   
   a bar where I was meeting with Scully. The man   
   actually cornered me in the men's restroom and   
   told me that I should leave the Budahas case   
   alone.   
      
   He also told me that I if I pursued it, I would   
   not only be putting myself at risk, but Scully   
   too.   
      
   Of course, I don't want to put her in a position   
   where she might get hurt, but I can't help thinking   
   that he wouldn't have told me those things unless   
   there was something out in Idaho he wanted me to   
   see.   
      
   I made arrangements for us to leave tonight, then   
   talk to Colonel Budahas's wife in the morning,   
   and though I still feel a little uneasy about   
   taking Scully with me, I'm almost positive that   
   I'm going to find something there.   
      
   I just hope that when I find it, it won't disappear   
   like the evidence from our first case did.   
   XXXXXXXXXXXX   
      
      
   Laying her head back against the pillow, she closed   
   her eyes and thought about what she'd just read.   
   When she was first partnered with Mulder, she knew   
   that nothing else mattered to him except for his   
   work and finding his sister, yet even as early as   
   their second case together, he'd apparently had   
   concerns about her safety.   
      
   Of course, she'd felt the same way about him too,   
   but somehow seeing such a simple thing in words,   
   *his* words, made her love him even more.   
      
   And she did love him.   
      
   It took her a long time to admit it to herself   
   and then him, but she loved him more than she'd   
   ever loved anyone.   
      
   And right now, she was missing him more than she   
   thought possible.   
      
   Where was he? Was he even alive? And if he was,   
   was he hurt?   
      
   After she was abducted, They'd performed horrific   
   tests on her, tests that even now she tries not   
   to let herself think about, and if now They were   
   doing that to Mulder too, how could she possibly   
   stop it?   
      
   The truth was, she couldn't.   
      
   Just as he couldn't stop it when it was happening   
   to her.   
      
   Opening her eyes again, she softly brushed her   
   thumb across his words and continued reading.   
      
      
   XXXXXXXXXXXX   
   3/21/92   
      
   We got back from Idaho about an hour ago, and I   
   still haven't been able to figure out what the   
   hell happened out there.   
      
   Something was done to me at Ellens Air Force Base,   
   that I'm sure of, but I'm still not clear on what   
   it was. After we met with Colonel Budahas, I   
   remember telling Scully that I thought he may   
   have had some sort of selective memory drain and   
   though I don't want to believe it, I think that's   
   what probably happened to me too.   
      
   The whole idea that the thoughts and memories of   
   a person can actually be taken away scares the   
   shit out of me, and the fact that it appears to   
   have been done to me so easily makes me wonder   
   just how many other people have had the same   
   thing done to them.   
      
   What did I see at the Base that was important   
   enough for them to take away a part of who I am?   
      
   Did I see a UFO? An extraterrestrial?   
      
   Or did I see the men behind all the lies?   
      
   Whatever or whoever it was, I can't remember any   
   of it, and according to Scully she doesn't really   
   know what happened to me there either.   
      
   Will I ever figure out what it was that I saw?   
      
   Probably not, but that doesn't mean I'm going to   
   stop trying.   
      
   I can't give up, and even though Scully's pissed   
   off at me right now for ditching her and having   
   to put herself on the line in order to rescue me,   
   I know she won't give up either.   
      
   She's tough, my new partner, and she's also smart   
   and resourceful, which is why I'm beginning to   
   believe that maybe she really does want to help   
   me get to the truth instead of trying to dissuade   
   me from pursuing it.   
      
   I just hope that she doesn't get hurt in the   
   process.   
   XXXXXXXXXXXX   
      
      
   Scully shut the notebook and then her eyes,   
   letting his final words sink in.   
      
   *I just hope that she doesn't get hurt in the   
   process.*   
      
   If only they'd known at the time just how much   
   both of them would be hurt by the path they'd   
   chosen.   
      
   If only they'd known how many times their lives   
   would be ripped to shreds, then patched together   
   again.   
      
   If only they'd known when to simply stop looking.   
      
   But they kept on going, and now Mulder was gone,   
   and she was pregnant with a child who might never   
   see his father.   
      
   And now, she never felt so completely alone.   
      
   Tears now flowing down her cheeks, she clutched   
   the notebook to her chest, then did the same   
   thing she'd been doing every night since Mulder's   
   disappearance.   
      
   She prayed.   
      
   ~~~~   
      
   9:04 am   
      
      
   "Just what is it you hope to find out here, Agent   
   Scully?" asked A.D. Skinner as he tromped through   
   the woods towards the last place he saw Mulder.   
   "The authorities have already gone over this area   
   with a fine tooth comb, and they came up with   
   nothing."   
      
   "I don't care what the authorities did," she said,   
   scanning the ground as she slowly walked deeper   
   into the woods. "There's got to be something here,   
   something that was missed."   
      
   Skinner hoped that she was right, but he'd seen   
   what happened to Mulder.   
      
   And then he'd seen nothing.   
      
   Not a trace of a craft landing or taking off from   
   anywhere, not a trace of Mulder's footprints, or   
   even of the equipment he was carrying.   
      
   It was gone, all of it, and all of him.   
      
   Mulder had vanished right before his eyes, and   
   he was completely powerless to do anything to   
   stop it.   
      
   And now he felt powerless again.   
      
   How could he tell Scully that they'd flown all   
   the way out here for nothing? That they weren't   
   going to find anything because there was nothing   
   here to find?   
      
   How could he tell himself that it was because   
   of him that a child might never see his father?   
      
   "Do you remember the exact location where you   
   last saw him?" she asked hopefully, snapping   
   him out of his guilt-fest.   
      
   Skinner looked far ahead to the right to the   
   familiar clump of trees where he'd last seen   
   Mulder standing. "It was over there, and I   
   remember calling his name, but he didn't hear   
   me."   
      
   Not wanting to look at her while he explained   
   the rest of what had happened, he looked off in   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
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    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)