From: kyouryokusenshi@michirutenou.com   
      
   Title: Remorse   
      
   Author: Kyouryoku Senshi   
      
   E-mail: kyouryokusenshi@michirutenou.com   
      
   Rating: PG-13   
      
   Classification: Mulder/Scully Romance   
      
   Spoilers: Via Negativa and references to several other Season 8 episodes.   
      
   Summary: Mulder empathizes with what Scully has gone through more than   
   she could possibly know. Perhaps he always has.   
      
   Disclaimer: I do not own the characters...you know the drill.   
      
   Mulder sat in the darkness of his apartment, his TV was the only   
   source of illumination.   
      
   `We will find him. I have to.'   
      
   `I'm having a hard time explaining it. Or believing it, but um...I'm   
   pregnant.'   
      
   Up until a few nights ago, the reoccurring nightmares involving his   
   abduction had ceased. Although, recently he'd been experiencing these   
   visions involving his partner that had taken place during his   
   abduction. Terrible, sometimes violent and vivid images of despair.   
      
   Mulder witnesses Scully's melancholy as she passed almost absently   
   through his apartment before she settled down onto his bed with one of   
   his dress shirts clasped tightly in her hands before closing her eyes.   
      
   `I can't take the chance that I'll never see him again.'   
      
   He winces as he sees Scully's face contort in anguish before she   
   collided into a glass wall.   
      
   In an attempt to rid these images, he shook his head and snatched the   
   remote control. He punched the power button before throwing the remote   
   control to the other side of the room, hitting a vase unintentionally.   
      
   Paying no attention to the inanimate object, he swiftly turned out the   
   light and hurried out of the room as if to seek escape from the   
   ceaseless dreams. However, he had no such luck. Scully's words   
   continuously plagued the back of his mind.   
      
   `Because it's what the boy saw and in an instant I realized it's what   
   Mulder would have seen or understood.' Scully's voice broke   
      
   `Because that's just how he came at things, without judgment or   
   prejudice and with an open mind that I am just not capable of.' She   
   began to cry   
      
   "Oh god, Scully." He whispered as he stared into his bathroom mirror   
      
   He knew she had cried for him...ended up in the hospital infinite   
   times. Yet he still couldn't quite fathom why he had distanced himself   
   from her, pushed her away.   
      
   As he gazed into the mirror, he gazed into what was no longer his   
   reflection but Scully who was now being restrained by several cult   
   members.   
      
   `No, No! I'm pregnant! No! No, don't do this! I'm going to have a   
   baby!' she cried out desperately as she fought with her captors only   
   to find her efforts futile   
      
   `No, don't do this! No! I'm going to have a baby!' she yelled frantically   
      
   Mulder grabbed a medicine bottle prescribed that would help him sleep   
   and quickly took a few pills before washing it down with a large glass   
   of water.   
      
   He nearly slammed the medicine cabinet. Eager to break away from these   
   unavoidable visions and reoccurring nightmares that plagued his mind,   
   he jumped into his bed. The idea of changing or brushing his teeth for   
   that matter was the furthest thing from his mind.   
      
   He lay in bed for what seemed like an eternity before a welcoming   
   blackness overcame him...or so he thought.   
      
   --    
      
   Scully shot up in bed, the sound of her heart racing drowning out any   
   other audible sound. She quickly inspected her surroundings as though   
   she had momentarily forgotten where she was. Coming to term with   
   reality, she found herself wrapped warmly in the blankets of Mulder's   
   bed. Finally realizing why she had been drawn out of her reoccurring   
   nightmares about Mulder, a sharp pain had cursed through her abdomen   
   immediately alerting her of the unborn child growing inside of her.   
      
   `No...'   
      
   She immediately moved to switch on the light while her gaze shifted to   
   the digital alarm clock at Mulder's bedside which displayed 3:00AM.   
   Another pain shot through her.   
      
   `Oh god, no! My baby!'   
      
   Clutching the small swell of her abdomen, she forced herself to vacant   
   the warmth of Mulder's bed. She faltered over towards her long winter   
   coat which lay sprawled out over a chair near the entrance of the   
   bedroom before she awkwardly made her way out of the apartment.   
      
   `I can't loose this baby.'   
      
   --    
      
   When Scully arrived at the hospital a short while later, the pain had   
   subsided and even if it was only slightly, she was grateful that she   
   had made it to the hospital safely.   
      
   She quickly exited her car and began to jog lightly over towards the   
   emergency wing of the hospital. When she reached the entrance, unable   
   to keep up the pace, she slowed to a brisk and insistent stride.   
      
   She managed to pass through the crowded waiting area, anxious to be   
   assured that she and the baby would be fine.   
      
   Sure enough, a nurse asked to her sign herself in. Scully took the pen   
   from the woman's outstretched hand and the clipboard from the other.   
      
   As the nursed turned around to go about various insistent and urgent   
   tasks, Scully studied the admittance form before she wrote down Dana   
   Scully, for Acute Abdominal Pain.   
      
   She handed the clipboard back to the nurse before making her way back   
   into the congested waiting area.   
      
   She was able to spot a vacant seat beside an elderly couple. The woman   
   was obviously tending to her husband who appeared to be suffering from   
   pneumonia. The woman looked up as Scully approached them and managed a   
   weak smile as she moved her purse from the vacant seat beside them to   
   make some room.   
      
   Scully returned the same sad gaze and simultaneously placed her hand   
   gently on the tender skin of her abdomen before she gratefully took   
   the seat. "Thank you."   
      
   The elderly woman looked over at Scully who was unconsciously making a   
   soothing circular motion over her stomach in an attempt to relieve the   
   severe abdominal pain.   
      
   Scully caught the woman's gaze as the woman slowly nodded in   
   understanding before turning back to her ill husband who was coughing   
   ceaselessly in an attempt to comfort him.   
      
   Scully lay her head back against the cold and hard wall of the room   
   while she immersed herself into her thoughts. At one point, when she   
   first joined the X-Files, feeling embarrassed and being degraded by   
   her co-workers about working in the X-Files division bothered her. At   
   this point, she could care less about what people thought of her. All   
   she was concerned about was the safety and well being of her unborn   
   child and to find Mulder.   
      
   She had come to believe that they were her soul purpose for living.   
   They were the reason that she had to keep fighting, to stay strong.   
      
   While she had been waiting, she had made a phone call to Agent Doggett   
   to check up on him and his investigation and inform him that something   
   had come up. However, she wasn't ready to elaborate on anything just   
   yet. She just couldn't take the chance that they would use her   
   pregnancy against her.   
      
   Drawing herself out of her reverie, Scully glanced at her watch to see   
   that it was nearly three twenty now. She looked over to see that the   
   two seats beside her that the elderly couple had just been occupying   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)