From: colbysgurl@shaw.ca   
      
   Authors: Sassy and Jacquie   
      
   Category: MSR Romance   
      
      
      
   Summary: A post episode for "Kitsungari"   
      
      
      
   Rating: M   
      
      
      
   ..............................   
      
      
      
   Mulder didn't even go back down to the basement to gather his things. He   
   just walked out of the FBI building and headed home. Scully had doubted him.   
   That's what hurt.   
      
   When he arrived home, he opened the bottle of Jim Beam that was in his   
   cabinet. "Guess you're the only friend I can count on." He drank straight   
   from the bottle.   
      
   He was halfway through it when there was a knock on his door. "Go away!" he   
   shouted as he wrenched open the door. A little old lady stood on the other   
   side. "I must have the wrong apartment. Do you know where Dale Anders   
   lives?"   
      
   "One floor up." Mulder slammed the door in the woman's face and took another   
   swig from the bottle.   
      
   Scully couldn't hide her tears as she went on an ice cream run. Her hand   
   kept going to her cell phone and then going off again. 'Let him feel sorry   
   for himself. I'm tired of fixing the damage.'   
   Then her cell phone rang. When she picked up, Mulder's only words to her   
   were "You didn't have my back." Then he hung up.   
      
   Scully's eyes stung as she turned her phone off. She went back to her   
   apartment and took out her suitcase. She needed to get away...get away from   
   Mulder for a while.   
      
   Mulder passed out drunk on his couch with a game playing. Scully's hands   
   were in his hair. Her mouth was on his. His body was atop hers...   
   He woke with a start. "Well, Jim. You give me some good dreams." He   
   stretched. He glanced out the window from where he lay. It was now dark.   
      
   Scully found herself driving past Mulder's apartment building. She stopped   
   and looked up at it.   
      
   Mulder stood slowly. When he looked outside, he saw her car parked across   
   the street. He picked up his cell phone. "Where are you?" he asked when she   
   picked up.   
      
   "Outside your building." Scully sighed. "Look, Mulder, I don't want to fight   
   with you. You don't want me to coddle you, fine I won't." She blinked back   
   tears. "See you Monday." Scully hung up and got back into her car.   
      
   Mulder called her back. "Scully?"   
      
   "Yeah?"   
      
   "I don't want to fight with you either. I just wish sometimes you had my   
   back...you called me out in front of Skinner. That hurt." he took a deep   
   breath. "Come up so we can talk."   
      
   Scully could tell Mulder had been drinking. "I'll be right up." She glanced   
   at her suitcase which was still sitting beside her on the passenger seat.   
   Still gonna go away when we're done...still need to get a handle on things.   
   She looked at herself in the rear-view mirror.   
      
   Mulder walked steadily to the door when he heard her knock. "Hey. Want some   
   coffee? I need coffee."   
      
   Scully silently followed him into the kitchen, hoping she looked calm. She   
   didn't want him to know she had been crying.   
      
   "Sorry I was a jerk before...on the phone...I was drunk... which I never   
   am..." He had his back to her so she wouldn't see his trembling hand as he   
   scooped the coffee. Scully came up behind him, putting her hand on his.   
      
   "Scully...I..." Mulder stopped, unsure of how to phrase what he wanted to   
   say.   
      
   "The only reason I acted the way I did was because I was scared," Scully   
   said softly. She removed her hand.   
      
   Mulder stopped her. "You think I wasn't?" He finally turned to look at her.   
   "I almost shot you. She almost won. Do you know how bad in that one moment I   
   wanted to be wrong?"   
      
   "Wrong about what? That I wasn't dead?"   
      
   "No. Wrong about Modell. I saw you... I mean her...she looked like   
   you...dead on the floor...because of me..." His knees nearly buckled under   
   him. He grabbed the counter for support.   
      
   Scully only hesitated for a moment before taking him in her arms. He   
   crumpled to the floor, taking her with him. He laid his head on her chest   
   and sobbed. "I'm sorry, Scully. So sorry."   
      
   Scully gently stroked his hair as she held him against her.   
   When he was all cried out, he looked up at her. "I didn't mean to push you   
   away."   
      
   Scully pushed her hurt back down, making herself smile. "It was my fault   
   too." She slowly let go of him, resting her head against the cabinet.   
      
   "There's this great documentary on Discovery if you're not busy," Mulder   
   said softly.   
      
   "I'll get the coffee" Scully started to get up before she felt Mulder grab   
   her hand.   
      
   "You're not mad at me...are you?"   
      
   Scully smiled at him. "Of course not."   
      
   "Skinner tried to apologize in his own way...all I could think about was   
   almost shooting you." Mulder helped her off the floor.   
      
   "It took its toll," Scully said, trying to tell Mulder that she understood.   
   Mulder held her hand a moment longer, reluctant to let go.   
      
   "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" Scully asked softly.   
      
   "How do you do that?" Mulder asked with a smile. Scully smiled back at him,   
   giving his hand a gentle squeeze. She poured two cups of coffee.   
      
   Mulder stood and watched her. "It's scary sometimes...how you read me, I   
   mean."   
      
   Scully gave him a small smile. "You can read me just as easy."   
      
   "I love it when you are thinking hard and you chew on the end of your pen. I   
   never can figure out just what you're thinking about then though. I know for   
   a fact it isn't work." Mulder didn't miss the pink in her cheeks. "Ah hah! I   
   hit a nerve" Mulder moved hair out of her face.   
      
   "What nerve?"   
      
   Scully tried to remain calm, but Mulder could feel her pounding heart.   
      
   "What do you think about? I hope it isn't that geeky looking dude from the   
   third floor." Mulder made a face.   
      
   "You," came the whisper.   
      
   Mulder's breath caught in his throat. "What?"   
      
   "I'm thinking about you," she repeated.   
      
   "Good things?"   
      
   "Good things."   
      
   Scully closed her eyes and shivered.   
      
   Mulder stroked her cheek. "Hey." Her tear filled eyes opened. "Why is it so   
   hard for us to be honest with our feelings?"   
      
   "Wanna start being honest," Scully whispered. Mulder moved forward and   
   brushed her lips with his. "Maybe the couch would be better?" she suggested   
   as she licked her lips.   
      
   "Yeah." Mulder lead her to the couch. He sat down with his arms in his lap,   
   afraid she wanted to forget what had just transpired in the kitchen. Slowly,   
   she reached for his hand as her other hand reached for the remote to turn on   
   the documentary.   
      
   Mulder relaxed when her head rested on his shoulder. "I don't remember what   
   it's about."   
      
   "That's okay." Scully wasn't paying attention to the TV. She was studying   
   his face...his hands...how good he felt against her. Suddenly Mulder turned   
   his head and cupped her face in his hands and kissed her long and deep.   
   Scully whimpered as her arms went around his neck.   
      
   "I don't know what came over me," Mulder panted as the kiss broke and his   
   forehead rested against hers.   
      
   "Don't...don't apologize," Scully whispered. He gave her another quick kiss   
   to the lips. Her hands caressed his face. "You look exhausted," she said   
   softly.   
      
   "I am," Mulder said honestly.   
      
   Scully gently tugged Mulder's head down to her lap.   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)