From: dana_scully_mulders_protege@hotmail.com   
      
   Title: It's Not Easy To Be Me   
      
   Author: FoxsDana   
      
   Email: dana_scully_mulders_protégé@hotmail.com   
      
   Rating: PG   
      
   Category/Keywords: Mulder Angst, Lonegunmen   
      
   Spoilers: "The Truth", "Jump The Shark"   
      
   Summary: Missing scene from "The Truth". Fox Mulder is told by   
   Scully about the Lonegunmen's courageous sacrifice to save their   
   country. After hearing the news, he sits in his cell remembering his   
   beloved friends.   
      
   Dedication: To all X-Philes present and future as well as The   
   Lonegunmen fans out there. To the group Five for Fighting for making   
   a beautiful song called "Superman" which was the inspiration for   
   this fic To my friend Marissa who did a slide show tribute to the   
   Lonegunmen and used this song, which made me cry. To Bruce Harwood,   
   Dean Haglund and Tom Braidwood for bringing to life some of the most   
   beloved characters in the X-Files universe and to Chris Carter for   
   creating them.  I will never forget the Gunmen. They are truly   
   heroes in every sense of the word.  Gunmen rule!   
      
   Archive: Sure, just let me know where it's going!   
      
   Feedback: Please, I love it!   
      
   Disclaimer:  The characters of the X-Files do not belong to me but   
   are the property of Chris Carter, 20th Century Fox and 1013   
   Productions. Any similarities to the names or places of the   
   fictional aspects of this story are purely coincidental.   
      
   Note: We never got the chance in "The Truth" to see Mulder find out   
   about the Gunmen's death and reflect. This fic attempts to give him   
   that chance.   
      
      
   I hear the clanging of the cell door as I sit on the cold floor   
   taking in what I've just been told. The scene and words still echo   
   in my head.   
      
   "Mulder, I'm afraid something else has happened."   
      
   What could possibly be worse than hearing about our son having to be   
   given up? I don't know how much more pain I can take.  "What is it,   
   Scully?"   
      
   She takes a deep breath. "Byers, Langly and Frohike….they're dead."   
      
   I stare back at her in disbelief. I say nothing for a minute and   
   then let out a chuckle thinking this is just some kind of bad   
   joke. "Come on Scully. Really what is it?"   
      
   She places her hand on the side of my face." It's true, Mulder.   
   They're dead."   
      
   My smile quickly fades. Byers, Langly and Frohike dead? It's not   
   possible. I can tell by the seriousness in her voice tone and facial   
   expression that it is no joke. They are really dead? "H…how?"   
      
   She takes her hand away from my face. "They were…exposed to a fatal   
   biotoxin."   
      
   "Biotoxin? You mean some kind of chemical?"   
      
   She nods.  "The biotoxin was going to be used by terrorists as a   
   weapon. They….found out about it and tried to stop it." She pauses   
   taking a swallow. "They made the ultimate sacrifice to save the   
   lives of thousands Mulder. They died as heroes."   
      
   I step back away from her and turn toward the window, which gives me   
   the only light in my cell. "That's how they always wanted it."   
      
   "I'm so sorry, Mulder. I didn't want to tell you but…I figured you   
   should know."   
      
   I continue looking out the window. "What kind of burial did they   
   get?"   
      
   She smiles. "They were buried in Arlington. They…received the kind   
   of burial that any hero would."   
      
   I lean against the barred window. "How ironic that they would die   
   and be buried in the same cemetery owned by the government they   
   didn't trust. Buried next to fallen soldiers who sacrificed their   
   lives for a government that doesn't even care."   
      
   "Mulder…"   
      
   I turn around to face her. "It's true, Scully. You can't stand here   
   and tell me that the government knows every single solider that is   
   buried in there! The government doesn't care about their families or   
   widows or significant others left behind! They don't care about the   
   sacrifice that was made to defend a country that uses its own people   
   like pawns!"   
      
   "So, you think it would have been better that they be buried out in   
   some regular cemetery? Or…or just some big hole dug out in the   
   middle of nowhere?"   
      
   "At least it wouldn't have been a burial filled with deceit. The   
   government doesn't care about what they did, Scully. No matter..how   
   many official burials or flags put on the caskets or….or huge   
   headstones with their names chiseled. All they care about is that   
   they have been silenced."   
      
   "I…I can't believe you're saying this."   
      
   "They deserved more than that, Scully. So much more."   
      
   She clears her throat trying to hold back tears in her eyes. "Well,   
   I'm sure they would appreciate knowing that the one person they   
   believed in more than anyone was saying their honorable burial was a   
   farce!"   
      
   "I didn't say that."   
      
   "Oh but you did. You said that their burial in Arlington was a slap   
   in the face to them. You're right, Mulder maybe the government did   
   it to rub it in their faces. But did you consider something else? If   
   they had been buried in some other cemetery amongst people of no   
   significance or out in a huge hole in the middle of nowhere, no one   
   would know of them. No one would ever see their names on a   
   headstone. But now…because they are in Arlington, people will come   
   and see that headstone. And one person will read their names and   
   want to know whom they are. They will find out whom they were and   
   what they attempted to accomplish in this life. And then…that one   
   person will feel so strongly about their cause that they will make   
   it their own. THAT is how they will be remembered, Mulder. They may   
   be silenced but their cause isn't. And as long as there are others   
   out there who believe in it, they will never truly be dead. They   
   will be immortalized."   
      
   I stand looking back at her in complete shock over what she has just   
   said to me. I had never really thought of it that way.  As usual,   
   Scully had taken my negative feelings and turned them into positive.   
   It's one of the many reasons I chose to be with her. Once again, I   
   let anger interfere with my thoughts. Anger at losing three good   
   friends who helped me with the quest that I am now myself on trial   
   for.  And it angers me that they have now become yet another victim   
   of it. Yet more people to add to my list of the dead.   
      
   "Maybe instead of being so angry, you should take this time and   
   reflect on what they contributed to you. Remember the good parts of   
   their lives. Don't let their deaths have been in vain, Mulder."   
   Without another word, she turns around and leaves me.   
      
   My eyes open as I come back from the scene that took place just   
   minutes ago.  Even though it hasn't been that long, I'm still   
   struggling with the fact that my three comrades are gone. That I   
   will never hear their voices on my answering machine asking me to   
   come over and listen to another one of their crazy theories about   
   Kennedy's assassination.   
      
    Langly was always good for that. Sometimes I think that's all he   
   wanted to prove in his lifetime, the truth about what happened to   
   Kennedy. That and winning all the money he could from his games of   
   Dungeons and Dragons. Now, Lord Manhammer's presence would no longer   
   be felt. The Ramone's t-shirts would just gather dust in a closet or   
   wherever it was that he kept them. And all of the software and   
   gizmos that he had personally invented would remain forever turned   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)