From: cybill@pacbell.net   
      
   XXX   
   Dana Scully's Apartment   
      
   Struggling with my keys, my briefcase and my jacket   
   tossed over my arm, I tumble through the front door.   
   "Amy, you here?"   
      
   Amy comes out of the spare bedroom, cell phone stuck   
   to her ear. "Soon," she says softly. "No, I know, I   
   miss you too. Soon," she says again and clicks off   
   the phone. "Hi, Danes. That was Russ."   
      
   I look at her sympathetically.  "Getting any better?"   
      
   "Actually it is. He really didn't think I was going   
   to jet off to D.C. Now he's wondering why I didn't   
   invite him along." I nod my head, leaving her the   
   opportunity to continue. "I explained that we needed   
   some time apart and I needed some time to think. He   
   apologized for the fighting that's been going on   
   between us lately and said that he thinks it's a good   
   idea we have a little time alone."   
      
   "I'm sure it's the best thing for both of you." She   
   nods her head in agreement. Within moments, her face   
   goes from solemn to glowing with a huge smile.   
   "What?"   
      
   "I had a very interesting lunch with that partner of   
   yours," she says slyly.   
      
   "Well, Mulder is an interesting person," I agree.   
      
   "And he confessed some very interesting things to me   
   this afternoon."   
      
   I go silent. She sits on the couch, adjusts herself   
   until she's comfortable, and stares at me.   
      
   "Oh no, what did you do Amy?" I'm going to die.   
   Please tell me she didn't discuss my relationship   
   with him.  She snickers.   
      
   "Only what you should have done years ago."   
      
   My stomach drops. I can't breathe. I feel the affects   
   of a minor panic attack building slowly.  "Amy, tell   
   me you didn't tell him what we discussed last night?"   
   I look in her direction nervously.   
      
   "I didn't tell him a thing you told me. I swear.   
   However, I did grill him," she says bluntly.   
      
   Amy grilled Mulder. Flashbacks to our college days   
   run rampant through my mind. Back then, she played   
   twenty questions with every male suitor that   
   approached me. She was always protective of me. It   
   had a lot to do with her growing up in the streets   
   versus my safe military upbringing.   
      
   "You didn't?" I beg.   
      
   "I did."   
      
   "So what did you ask him?" I feel the panic rising to   
   increased limits, bubbling internally.   
      
   "Well, I asked him a little about work, but mostly we   
   talked about you." And the bomb implodes within. I   
   think I'm going to be sick. I clutch my stomach   
   protectively. "He's very fond of you."   
      
   "He said that? He said he was fond of me?" I wait for   
   her response anxiously.   
      
   She thinks about it for an excruciatingly long   
   moment. The anxiety builds.   
      
   "No, I'm sorry Danes, he didn't say he was fond of   
   you."   
      
   See, I knew it! He can't see past my height, medium   
   sized breasts and red hair. I'm not his type.   
      
   "He said he was in love with you," she says strongly.   
      
   My mouth falls open in shock and I choke on a gasp of   
   air. It takes me several moments to get my voice   
   back. "He said what?"   
      
   "He said he was in love with you. Damn girl, are you   
   deaf?"   
      
   I wrap my mind around the words "in love with you"   
   over and over. It's on rapid repeat in what I'd   
   imagine Mulder would sound like when saying it,   
   instead of Amy's squeaky voice. A blush creeps up my   
   face. She laughs merrily at my anxiety.   
      
   "He didn't, you embellish." It can't be true. First   
   of all, why would he admit it to her if he can't   
   admit it to me?   
      
   "Have I ever lied to you, Danes?" I shake my head.   
   No, she never has.   
      
   "I'm sure you just misunderstood. Mulder is not in   
   love with me." She opens her mouth to object but I   
   cut her off. "You probably just took what I told you   
   last night and confused it with whatever you were   
   discussing at lunch." She shakes her head no. "I   
   think I would know if Mulder was in love with me,   
   Amy," I say, using my stern, tough-as-nails tone.   
      
   "Jesus, Dana, you and your partner are so clueless!"   
   She stands up and takes a defensive pose. "You'll   
   tell me you're in love with him, but won't tell him.   
   He tells me he's in love with you, but won't tell   
   you. I tell you he's in love with you, and you won't   
   believe me." She's frustrated. Her brow is tightened   
   and that vein I remember all so well in college is   
   protruding. "Why can't you just believe in the   
   possibility Dana?" She sighs and her shoulders slump,   
   her hand coming up to her reddened forehead.   
      
   A sick sense of déjà vu rushes over me. How many   
   times has Mulder said that very thing to me? "Look   
   Amy, I know you mean well, but whatever you and   
   Mulder discussed isn't really any of my business."   
   I'm back-pedaling out of this topic.   
      
   "Damn it Dana, the man outright said he loves you!" I   
   shake my head, not knowing what to believe. "He's IN   
   LOVE WITH YOU! Now, the sooner you start believing   
   it, the happier you'll be."   
      
   "I want to believe Amy, I ... really do. It's just,   
   so much has happened between Mulder and me, and we're   
   right in the middle of fighting to get the X-files   
   back. The X-files are what Mulder loves. You don't   
   know him like I do," I explain sadly. Tears well up   
   in my vision and I swipe them away. "If we got   
   together, they'd never give them back to us and that   
   would kill him. That's what Mulder wants and loves …   
   the X-files!"   
      
   She rushes over and pulls me up into a fierce hug.   
   "I'm sorry, Danes, I'm sorry. I don't want to fight   
   with you."   
      
   I nod into her neck and cry the rest of my   
   frustrations at the injustice of it all. Everything,   
   from my final admittance of love for him, to not   
   having the X-files back, to the injustice of Russell   
   stringing Amy along, all the way to Mulder's   
   declaration of love for me. Deep gut-wrenching sobs   
   wrack my small frame and I hug Amy tightly, holding   
   on to one of the best friends I've had besides   
   Mulder. Again, she cries with me, still saying she's   
   sorry and that it will be okay. I feel like a child   
   crying over not getting the shiny new bike for   
   Christmas that the parents just couldn't afford.   
      
   "This is ridiculous." I pull away from Amy and wipe   
   the tears from my eyes. "I'm stronger than this," I   
   say out loud as if it will magically make me feel any   
   better. "There is no need to break down." Amy's   
   watching me try to put some semblance of balance on   
   the situation but failing miserably.   
      
   "When was the last time you were in love, Danes?" I   
   look up at her sharply. "Have you ever been in love   
   before now?" she asks.   
      
   I think about her question for long minutes,   
   considering the men that came before. The only two   
   that came close to anything near love would have been   
   Jack or Daniel. I think Jack was the last effort at a   
   normal relationship. I picked him because he was in   
   the field and understood the constraints of the job.   
   No, I wasn't in love with him, he was convenient. Sad   
   but true.   
      
   Daniel on the other hand … I thought I loved him   
   deeply. Really thinking about it, I was in lust with   
   him. He was everything I wasn't supposed to have in a   
   man. He was during my rebellious stage. I was in awe   
   of him. Definitely not love.   
      
   I slowly drag my vision from the berber carpet to   
   Amy's concerned face. "I've only ever loved him," I   
   say simply.   
      
   She nods her head in agreement.  "That's what I   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)