From: char@chaffin.com   
      
   THE REALIZATION DANCE	   
   By Char Chaffin   
   MSR, Rated R/NC-17   
   No spoilers, takes place mid-partnership   
   Disclaimer:  Clones on Loan   
      
   With thanks: to Shelba for quick and decisive beta, and to Tess,   
   Carol, Avalon, Robin, Nancy, Veve, Toate, Mimic, Toniann, Sallie,   
   Lidia, Donna, Becky, Gwen and Rae-Baby, for their willingness to   
   read, to offer ideas and thoughts - and most of all, support.   
   Ladies, I am indebted to you all!   
      
   Summary:  'True love can strike when you're not looking; can sizzle   
   through you, implode your heart, set your teeth on edge and your hair   
   on end, fry your brain, boil your blood...'   
      
      
   "The Realization Dance"   
      
      
   It's the smile that knocks him sideways, makes his eyes focus,   
   perhaps really focus, on her.  Her smile.  Nothing held back.  A full-   
   blown, teeth-exposing, 'damn-you're-gorgeous' smile, and aimed   
   straight at him.  When she adds the corresponding laugh - not a   
   chuckle, but a laugh - he's speechless.   
      
   Why has he never truly seen her, before now?   
      
   They've been each other's best friend, confidante, protector - for   
   several years.  They've gone through more together than any other two   
   people in the history of man should have to endure.  There is genuine   
   love between them; dedication, loyalty.  Abounding trust.  They are   
   strong, for each other.  Strong, because of one another... yet one   
   smile weakens him - one laugh tilts his world.   
      
   All he did was tell her a joke, and a bad one, at that.  Ten seconds   
   after the telling of it and five seconds after witnessing her   
   reaction to it, Mulder can't even remember the punch line. It drained   
   out of his cranium the moment she showed him a side of herself that   
   he knows he has never seen.  Not like this.   
      
   Just a night in the middle of the week.  Nothing special happening,   
   he just felt like going over and when he called her to see what she   
   was doing she was just as bored as he; told him to stop on by.  They   
   hadn't seen each other much during the day; each had more or less   
   gone their separate ways for a change - but that wasn't why he went   
   to her place.  They both had nothing better to do, no laundry to   
   catch up on or obligatory long-distance family calls to make.   
   Neither was particularly hungry and TV didn't sound appealing at   
   all... so they got together at her apartment and sat on the sofa a   
   cushion-width apart, talking.  Just talking... and he remembered an   
   inane joke he'd gotten in an email and he shared it with her.  Just a   
   stupid joke that at this moment he cannot remember.   
      
   Mulder knows he's staring but he can't help it.  Never in his years   
   of knowing his partner has she looked like this.  He doesn't have any   
   idea who this woman is, because she sure isn't Dana Scully.   
      
   In the muted evening her face is luminous, flushed with pink, bright   
   and open.  Her eyes sparkle with a blue so dazzling it's almost   
   unreal.  Even her skin seems to shimmer.  And in that instant he sees   
   the beauty of her, all of it.  One hundred percent of it, where in   
   the past she has only revealed a bit here and a smidge there.   
      
   The look on his face must be something to see, because Scully's   
   smile dims a little, and her laugh breaks off as she reaches out a   
   hand to him and offers a concerned, "Mulder, are you all right?"   
      
     Because   
   at the touch of her hand he realizes in one mad flash, that he wants   
   her.  Wants to kiss her smile, swallow her laugh... merge with her   
   body and mate with her soul.  He thinks he must have always wanted   
   her, from day one.  How could he not?  And more than the wanting of   
   her, he also acknowledges that for the first time in his life he's   
   fallen, truly fallen... in love.   
      
   It's said that true love can strike when you're not looking; can   
   sizzle through you, implode your heart, set your teeth on edge and   
   your hair on end, fry your brain, boil your blood.  In the split   
   second it connects, love simultaneously builds you up higher than the   
   highest mountain and levels you flat, as it knocks you sideways...   
   and he's already been there, was there the second she smiled.   
   Laughed.   
      
   Falling in love... he wasn't expecting it.  Isn't sure what to do   
   about it, how to tell her, show her... wonders if she'd even care to   
   know.   
      
   She loves him; of that Mulder has no doubt.  But, in love?  Wanting   
   him?  All of him?   
      
   "Mulder?"   
      
   His eyes clear and refocus, and see the worry in her stare.  No, not   
   now, not worry... that's not what he wants from her.  Not her   
   concern, not her bedside manner.  Not the hand to his forehead,   
   gauging his perspiration content, the quality of unsettlement in his   
   stomach or the possibility of incubating a cold or flu.  He doesn't   
   want her compassionate touch.   
      
   He wants her nails to curl into his skin and leave little crescent-   
   shaped moons behind.  Wants her teeth on his neck, her body clamped   
   all around him, her skin soldering itself to his.  He wants to groan   
   into her ear all of what he's feeling, as he stares at her and   
   clenches his hands into fists to keep from grabbing her.  This is   
   what he wants.   
      
   "Mulder!  You're beginning to scare me!  What IS it?"   
      
   He sucks in a quick, fortifying breath.  "It's... I just... you..."   
   He's stammering, and she's looking at him as if he's lost his   
   marbles.  He never stammers.  If there is one fairly consistent trait   
   of Fox Mulder, it's that he sounds confident even when he's not.  But   
   any confidence he might have had just flew away and roosted   
   elsewhere; he feels like a teenager again, a gangly boy with sweaty   
   palms who wants so much to ask the prettiest girl to dance and is so   
   afraid she'll laugh in his face.   
      
   Well, that's not strictly true... he's afraid he'll open his mouth,   
   insert his foot and while he's mumbling through his sock she'll kick   
   his ass out of her apartment and change her locks the next day.   
      
   Agent Mulder, Heartthrob Central.   
      
   Right...   
      
   He knows he has to say something to her.  He also knows that for   
   once in his wise-cracking life, he can't fob it off with a deflecting   
   remark.  It's too late for that.  He doubts he could ever pull it   
   off.  And he doesn't want to... he wants to see that smile again,   
   hear that laugh... so he can absorb it into himself, as he kisses   
   those rosy lips of hers.   
      
   Taking a deep breath, Milder scoots a little closer on the sofa and   
   takes one of her hands.  Before her eyes can begin to widen at the   
   gesture, he's speaking in a firm - albeit rushed - tone, "I was just   
   thinking I'd like to see you smile like that, laugh that way - all   
   the time. And I was wishing I could always be the one to put that   
   smile on your face and that laugh in your voice."  He links their   
   fingers; hers have grown a little chilled; they actually tremble a   
   bit.  When he looks into her eyes he sees they have become a shade   
   glassy.   
      
   Mulder offers a small grin. Scoots a bit closer still, and adds, "I   
   wish I could find the words, to tell you... what you mean to me.   
   More than being a friend and a partner, Scully - a lot more than   
   that.  I was also wishing that I... could kiss you."   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)