From: sugarellie2000@yahoo.com   
      
   Chapter 15   
      
   I’ve never woken up very peaceful. Sleep has been hard   
   ever since I can remember, maybe since Samantha, but   
   probably even before that. This morning isn’t any   
   different. I can’t remember how many times I woke up   
   to see if she was still lying next to me. Her eyes   
   closed and asleep so deep it surprises me. The last   
   couple of days still haunt my every thought and I   
   can’t close my eyes without having it flash back to   
   me. For her, the nightmare that was her coma is   
   another reason to fear sleep, but it doesn’t seem to   
   bother her. I’m glad.   
   	She asks me to hold her so I did. A little hesitant,   
   but with pleasure.  She wanted me to undress her and   
   that was harder. Embarrassed, but I’m not sure of   
   what. Maybe she caught me by surprise, it’s not like   
   her to let me take care of her like that, to make   
   herself so vulnerable to me, or to anyone. I couldn’t   
   help smiling when I lay down next to, my head on the   
   same pillow, so close I could smell her. And she   
   smells lovely. As she drifted of to sleep I sniffed a   
   couple of times and it brought tears to my eyes, I was   
   glad she didn’t see. For they were tears of pure love.   
   Or maybe I did want her to see them.   
   	I’m grinning, laughing at the hopeless romantic I   
   never thought I could be. She start to make little   
   noises. Familiar noises she always makes sleeping and   
   they make my grin broaden. The first time I woke up   
   suddenly scared that it had all been a dream, though   
   part of it had been, I found myself holding her. I had   
   pulled my arms away, scared to do anything she might   
   not want to, that she might’ve asked me to in a state   
   of vulnerability where she wasn’t accountable for her   
   words. She hummed and turned a bit. Then she had   
   opened her eyes and asked me where I was going.   
   	“Nowhere”, I had answered and she had looked   
   reassured in the thought that I wasn’t leaving her.   
   	“Then hold me Mulder,” she had replied and with a   
   small smile she had turned on her side again and I   
   laid down, my arms wrapped tightly around her once   
   more.   
   	I look by my side now, where she’s started to wake   
   up. Opening her eyes a bit and then quickly closing   
   them because the light is so bright, she turns to me   
   and nestles her head against my chest. My heart skips   
   a beat. With my arms around her, I finally feel I can   
   protect her from the world outside. And she finally   
   lets me. Maybe I have woken up a bit more peaceful   
   than normally.   
   	   
   ~   
      
   His smell all around me. His touch embracing me. I   
   feel so safe, so happy that I’m able to ban all things   
   bad from my mind for one more moment. I listen to his   
   heart beating and it sooths me. Boom boom boom boom.   
   Quicker than usual, I think. Like I listen to his   
   heart beating every day. Like it’s the most normal   
   thing in the world to be lying here so close to him. I   
   would like to think that me lying next to him is what   
   is making the heart pump so fast.   
   	“You’re heart’s going fast,” I state, or mumble   
   rather.   
   	“Oh, is it?” he says in a mock surprised tone.   
   	“Mmm, yeah,” I mumble back, “it makes me wonder if   
   you’ve secretly sneaked out of bed to order me a big   
   breakfast.” Or if you’re just as nervous now lying so   
   close to me as I am, I silently add.   
   	He grins. And I know he’s going to get up now and ask   
   me what I want for breakfast and I don’t want that. I   
   don’t want to get out of bed yet and face the grown-up   
   world with all it’s awful aspects. So I gather my   
   courage and add what I was only thinking.   
   	His grinning stops and his heart rate fastens, or at   
   least I think it does.   
   	“Or that could be it,” he says, half kidding, half   
   not, unsure what I meant by that.   
   	I regretfully pull my head out of its safe warm   
   little nest and look him in the eyes, my heart pumping   
   in my throat at the nerve I’m showing. I don’t know   
   what to say though. I look at him, with his half grin   
   and his brown eyes full of wonder. He doesn’t know   
   either. He’s so…the fast beat of my heart is suddenly   
   accompanied by a strange feeling in my stomach and   
   before I know it, my head tilts and my body stretches   
   so my mouth will meet his. It’s a soft kiss, short   
   also, but it pulsates through my body like nothing   
   else. His face is now one of pure surprise and fear   
   maybe. He looks down, pulling his eyes away from mine   
   and for a moment I think the horrible thought that I   
   might have interpreted the signs wrong.   
   	“You’re…ehm…you’re…” he starts, but I quiet him with   
   another kiss. His attempt at a sentence is enough for   
   me to understand what he means. He isn’t saying he   
   doesn’t feel this, he’s saying he wants to be sure I   
   feel it. And I do, so much that I find it hard to   
   breath. I let this kiss last a little longer, savoring   
   it, though it’s still a gentle kiss, lips to lips.   
   It’s slow, not very adventurous and it’s me. I smile   
   at this thought and that breaks it. He looks at me so   
   insecure and hesitant that the atmosphere becomes   
   loaded with expectations, emotions and long neglected   
   needs.   
   	“Good morning,” I say with a smile to lighten   
   everything up.   
   	“Good morning,” he replies with his hoarse morning   
   voice I love so much. “How did you sleep?”   
   	“Good, surprisingly. Maybe it helped you were here.”   
   	He smiles at me. “You think it did?”   
   	I nod.   
   	We both smile at each other in silence. After a while   
   he breaks it.   
   	“We need to get up.”   
   	I guess he sees the disappointment on my face, cause   
   he immediately adds “but I guess we can stay here for   
   a little while.”   
   	I nod.   
   	“Let’s do that,” and I cuddle up to him again.   
   	   
   ~   
   	   
   Statements were taken, the loose ends of the case   
   wrapped up. I insisted on going to the hospital to see   
   Capwell and Scully went along. He is still lying there   
   next to her. Hooked up by a machine that has filled   
   the staff with wonder. They hadn’t ever seen anything   
   like it. The monitors expressing their thoughts are   
   turned off. Maybe they had thought it invaded their   
   privacy too much. Scully hasn’t entered the room with   
   me. She’d seen the doctor that had been in charge when   
   Capwell’s victims were admitted and she went over to   
   him to ask how they were doing. I look at them.   
   She comes in a couple of minutes later and all that   
   time I have been staring at him. We stand there   
   together in silence for a while.   
   	“They haven’t woken up,” I state breaking the quiet   
   of the room.   
   	“No, they haven’t,” she agrees.   
   	“Why do you think?”   
   	“I don’t know. Do you?”   
   	I remain silent. He’s still lying there next to her.   
   I hate him for what he has done. All those women who   
   might never wake up again. Scully, what he did to her,   
   the nightmare he put her through. I would want to kill   
   him just for that. Yet I helped him. He had a final   
   wish and I helped him grant that. I’m still wondering   
   why. It was a moment’s choice, decided in a second. So   
   why was my instinct to help him so strong? I went into   
   the dreamland like he wanted me too, but not for him,   
   for Scully, always for Scully. A thought enters my   
   conscious mind. Maybe I helped him for her.   
   Immediately I doubt it. Helping him for her, what did   
   it do for her? But suddenly it’s clear. It was me I   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)