From: yankeestarbuck@yahoo.com   
      
   OooOooO   
      
      
      
   "I was tired of being myself," Ted said. "Tired of being a disappointment to   
   my friends. I wanted to be someone else. On crystal, I could have everything.   
   I felt powerful. Can you understand that?"   
      
      
      
   "Yeah," Alex said. He hadn't felt that way in Hong Kong. The only thing the   
   stuff he took there had done was let him stay awake longer, endure the pain of   
   his existence. Maybe the way he felt when he had a gun in his hand was close   
   to what Ted felt.    
   Sometimes when he was in the game, all of his senses engaged, he didn't care   
   who he worked for. All that mattered was taking his life to the edge and   
   looking down. Every time he survived, he had felt incredible. The problem was   
   that he found himself    
   dancing closer and closer to the precipice.  There was only so many times that   
   you can fuck with death before he takes you and keeps you.   
      
      
      
   "You have a car?" Alex asked.   
      
      
      
   "Yes," Ted said. "I'm working for Brian, doing well. It's not in Brian's   
   league, but it's a nice little Honda Civic."   
      
      
      
   "Fine," Alex replied. He turned his most intense gaze on Ted and said, "How   
   about an adventure?"   
      
      
      
   "Wh-what?" Ted asked, stammering. He twisted his napkin in his hands. "What   
   kind of adventure?"   
      
      
      
   "I want to see what Stockwell is doing," Alex said. "I'm tired of everyone   
   investigating this case but me."   
      
      
      
   "Should you do that?" Ted asked. "Isn't it dangerous?"   
      
      
      
   "I'm a big boy," Alex replied, "How about you?"   
      
      
      
   After a long pause, Ted said, "I'm in."   
      
      
      
   "Good, Alex and Ted's big adventure," Alex said. It took him a moment to see   
   that Ted did not get the reference. He would have to remedy that in the near   
   future.   
      
      
      
   Alex's hand rested on Ted's knee as his friend drove. It was not a seduction;   
   he had no intention of being faithless to Walter. He needed the connection and   
   the comfort. It was hard to admit that, but it was the truth. Coming back here   
   was a mistake. You    
   would think that with all the horrors that he had experienced after Stockwell   
   and Reichert raped him that the purely human evil of the rape would lessen.   
   Not so, Alex found the memory as raw and aching as if it had happened   
   yesterday.   
      
      
      
   Stockwell was throwing snowballs with his boys when Alex and Ted pulled up   
   across the street. An overgrown hedge kept them obscured while giving them a   
   clear view of the house across the street. Alex wasn't sure what he expected   
   to see. For the record,    
   Stockwell's kids didn't seem afraid of him and his manner with them was   
   untainted of the man that Alex knew existed beneath the veneer of family man.   
   Maybe Stockwell saw the world as some cops did, them and us. If you weren't   
   people Stockwell clearly    
   recognized as good citizens, then you were prey.   
      
      
      
   "So deep in the closet, he can't even admit what he wants to himself," Ted   
   said. "Justin thinks that Reichert and Stockwell really wanted to fuck each   
   other, but they were too macho to admit it. So instead they picked up young   
   men and boys, not too young    
   when Stockwell was involved, but when Reichert was on his own, he wasn't as   
   picky. He went after kids like Hunter."   
      
      
      
   "I don't fit the victim profile," Alex said. "I wondered about that."   
      
      
      
   "You looked younger than your age, Alex," Ted said. "You looked like a college   
   kid. That's what I thought you were when you walked in. Uh, until you walked   
   out with Reichert. Then I suspected that you might be...hooking. I wished I   
   had made an offer. I    
   don't normally do that kind of thing, but you were something else. Still are."   
      
      
      
   "Yeah, I was desperate. I thought my life couldn't have been worse," Alex said.   
      
      
      
   Stockwell scored a hit against his youngest son. The boy laughed and darted   
   across the street, skidding until he thudded into Ted's car.   
      
      
      
   "Sorry, mister!" The boy cried out.   
      
      
      
   A moment later, Stockwell ran across. He tapped on Ted's window then saw   
   Alex's face. His face turned red then purple before he grabbed his kid and   
   almost pushed him back across the street. Ted pulled out and away before   
   Stockwell came back, but Alex saw    
   the police chief writing something down. Ted's license numbers, no doubt.   
      
      
      
   "Sorry, Ted," Alex said.   
      
      
      
   "Don't be. I have my own problems with Stockwell.  I forgot to tell you about   
   my rise and fall as a porn mogul," Ted said. "Thanks to Stockwell, I went from   
   rags to riches nearly to jail."   
      
      
      
   "Tell me about it," Alex said.   
      
      
      
   "You might remember I was fond of my porn, used to surf a little at work," Ted   
   said.   
      
      
      
   "Yeah, Brian used to rag you about it," Alex said. "Nothing wrong with liking   
   porn."   
      
      
      
   "That's what I thought, but the boss caught me. I guess he thought I was   
   wanking at work," Ted said. "Really I had just spilled something in my lap,   
   but I did have some pretty boys on the monitor. He fired me."   
      
      
      
   "Bastard," Alex said.   
      
      
      
   "So there I was unemployed and rumor washing out most of the jobs I was   
   trained to do," Ted said. "Then I had this idea. Do what I loved. So I started   
   my own porn site. It was doing okay, but Emmett was the one that made it big   
   for me. He was my star.    
   Always my star."   
      
      
      
   Having heard bits and pieces of what happened, Alex patted Ted's arm and said,   
   "He loves you."   
      
      
      
   "Yeah, I hope so. I'm still trying to make him believe how sorry I am," Ted   
   said.   
      
      
      
   "If my Walter could forgive me, your Emmett will forgive you," Alex said. He   
   said, "Are you in any trouble right now? I have a feeling Stockwell isn't   
   going to play nice."   
      
      
      
   "No, I'm back to being a gainfully employed good citizen," Ted replied. "I was   
   lucky enough not to get caught with the crystal."   
      
      
      
   "Let me know if there are any problems," Alex said. "I have enough money to   
   afford a good attorney if he harasses you."   
      
      
      
   "I will," Ted said. "Where to now? Your hotel?"   
      
      
      
   "No, I should spend some time with Mom," Alex said. "Take me there."   
      
      
      
   OooOooO   
      
      
      
   With Tekumi on his mission to get Bobby to the foster home, Mulder found   
   himself at loose ends and thinking about Debbie's kitchen. He loved being   
   there; could see why Alex had remained attached all those years to the big,   
   loud woman with the brassy hair.   
    She was as far from Mulder's mother as two members of the same species could   
   be, but he liked her a lot. She did things Mulder had secretly wished his   
   mother would have done, from baking pies to ruffling his hair.   
      
      
      
   Mulder arrived to find Alex's surrogate mom outside swinging a broom at the   
   thieving crow. It cawed at her, just out of her reach and then flew off to a   
   tall tree that overlooked a neighboring garage.   
      
      
      
   "He has my earring again!" Debbie said.   
      
      
      
   "Don't worry," Mulder said. "I'll get it."   
      
      
      
   Handing Debbie his jacket, Mulder crossed to the garage. Just as the started   
   his way up the tree, Alex showed up. Mulder called out, "Hey, you, Walter was   
   worried about you."   
      
      
      
   "I tried to call him, but his cell phone wasn't working," Alex said. "What the   
   hell are you doing?"   
      
      
      
   "The crow took one of your mom's earrings again," Mulder explained. "I think   
   he has a nest up there in the pine."   
      
      
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)