From: susanf34@comcast.net   
      
   *NO ARCHIVE*   
      
      
      
   Title: Longer   
   Author: Susan   
   E-mail: susanf34@comcast.net   
   Classification: vignette   
   Keywords: *Warning* character death, emotional   
   angst   
   Spoilers: very brief references to various   
   episodes from the first seven seasons   
   Archive: No archive without permission.   
   Disclaimer: On paper, these characters aren't   
   mine. In my head, they are.   
      
   Author's notes at the end.   
      
   Summary: A man unexpectedly loses the woman he   
   loves. He grieves.   
   *******************************************************   
      
   Longer   
   by Susan   
   ~~~~   
      
   He thinks about her at the strangest times.   
      
   When he walks past the low-fat yogurt section   
   at the grocery store.   
      
   When he's picking out what tie to wear to the   
   office.   
      
   Every time he has to adjust the seat in a rental   
   car.   
      
   And then there are the other times.   
      
   The times he always carries around with him.   
      
   The day they first met. The night she told him   
   he was the only one she trusted. The first time   
   they danced. Sitting on his couch exchanging   
   Christmas presents while it snowed outside.   
      
   The morning they stood in his doorway, and he   
   called her his touchstone.   
      
   It's been three months and three days since he   
   watched her die.   
      
   It feels longer.   
      
   Then again, everything feels longer now.   
      
   Darker.   
      
   Emptier.   
      
   She wasn't supposed to be there that afternoon,   
   at that intersection, at that stoplight.   
      
   And she wasn't supposed to be talking on her   
   cell phone, but she was because it was him, and   
   she always answered her cell phone when it was   
   him.   
      
   When he lets himself close his eyes, he can still   
   hear the sharp crack of metal hitting metal, tires   
   screaming as they skidded across the pavement, and   
   the faint whisper of her voice on the phone as she   
   struggled to say his name.   
      
   And he can still feel her fingers intertwined with   
   his as she took her last breath at the hospital   
   later that night.   
      
   She wasn't supposed to be there that afternoon,   
   at that intersection, on her way to see him.   
      
   But she was, and now she's gone.   
      
   Of course, he never tells himself that she's dead,   
   never refers to her as being dead to anyone who   
   asks about her because dead means she's never   
   coming back and that everything is final.   
      
   And it will never feel final to him.   
      
   Never.   
      
   Some days when he goes to the office now, he sees   
   her there sitting right in front of him, her blue   
   eyes shining as she raises that right eyebrow of   
   hers.   
      
   Other days, he feels her there, watching over him,   
   spinning her theories in his ear, trying to steer   
   him towards the most scientific explanation for   
   every case, of course.   
      
   And it is on those days that he misses her the   
   most, that he has the hardest time breathing.   
      
   It's been three months and three days since he   
   watched her die, and he wonders if his heart   
   will ever completely heal.   
      
   If the days will ever not feel longer.   
      
   But then he remembers the loud clash of metal   
   against metal, the soft whisper of her voice,   
   and he knows.   
      
   They never will.   
      
      
   ~end~   
      
   *IMHO, no two characters on TV ever had the kind   
   of intense relationship that Mulder and Scully   
   had, and with this vignette, I wanted to explore   
   what it might be like if one of them died, not   
   because of a government conspiracy or a case they   
   were working on, but because on a random day at a   
   random intersection a random person lost control   
   of their car. If you made it this far, thank you   
   for taking the time to read my story. Dealing with   
   the death of a loved on is a complicated subject   
   with even more complicated emotions attached to   
   it, and I hope that I was able to do it justice.   
      
   Susan   
   susanf34@comcast.net   
      
      
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