From: cybill@pacbell.net   
      
   XXXXXXXXXX   
   CHAPTER 10   
   XXXXXXXXXX   
      
   THE BISTRO   
   31 BANK STREET   
   NEW MILFORD, CT   
   MAY 29, 1997   
   THURSDAY - 7:30 PM   
      
   We ended up at a quaint little place called The Bistro. Scully   
   ordered chicken cord en bleu and I ordered a New York Strip   
   steak. The food was delicious and reasonably priced. We were both   
   impressed.   
      
   We ate in silence for a while till the bulk of our hunger was   
   satisfied. As we slowed down, I said, "We need to talk, Scully."   
      
   "Mmm. Yeah, I was thinking about it. Trying to come up with a   
   strategy about how to approach this food thing. Maybe Alice can   
   give us a list of local grocery stores and places that sell foods   
   produced by local cottage industries."   
      
   I sighed, tamping down my exasperation. "I meant about us,   
   Scully."   
      
   She stopped in mid-chew, staring at me. After a beat, she finished   
   chewing slowly and swallowed. She took a drink of her seltzer   
   water and patted her lips with her cloth napkin.   
      
   I waited, never taking my eyes off her face. Finally she lowered   
   her head for a second as though gathering herself and then looked   
   up to meet my gaze. "Okay, talk."   
      
   "You're acting like I'm the firing squad again," I said. Even I   
   could   
   hear the hurt in my voice and I cursed internally. As much as I   
   hated looking weak in front of Scully, I couldn't help it sometimes.   
   Our relationship was too important, and her constant denial that it   
   existed, except when I was buried inside her or had my tongue   
   down her throat, was really starting to irritate me. What did she   
   think I was going to do? It was like she was forgetting that we   
   were friends.   
      
   "I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say."   
      
   "This isn't about what I want you to say. I want you to tell me how   
   you feel about this. Every time I've broached the subject," I began.   
      
   "We've ended up having sex," she completed the sentence for me.   
      
   I nodded. "When we've been together, Scully, its felt right," I   
   admitted. I hung my head, looking at my unfinished steak and   
   feeling a lump form in my throat. I cleared it loudly and shook my   
   head, a bit embarrassed.   
      
   "I agree there's something between us, Mulder," she said quietly.   
      
   "Something?  That's it?" I asked.   
      
   "Damn it," she swore softly.  "I'm not good at this."   
      
   "I'm not grading you, Scully. Relax. I'm just saying that we can't   
   keep sleeping together and then not talk about it, like there's   
   nothing unusual going on here. We've been partners for a long   
   time."   
      
   "Over six years," she stated the obvious.   
      
   "You've turned into more than my best friend, Scully.  You're my   
   confidante, the only one I trust."   
      
   "I trust you too, Mulder. I guess I'm confused as to why this is   
   happening now. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like it's all   
   happening so fast."   
      
   "Well, the physical part is, but you have to know it's not just   
   about   
   the sex." I paused. "Don't you?"   
      
   Her face softened into a close-lipped smile. "Same here, Mulder. I   
   guess I never allowed myself to think of us as a couple," she   
   admitted.   
      
   I smiled sadly. "Not true for me," I admitted in return.   
      
   "No?" she asked, encouraging further explanation.   
      
   I guess if I wanted her to be forthcoming, I was going to have to do   
   the same. Somehow, I felt like I was opening Pandora's Box. If I   
   didn't handle this just right, I could screw the pooch in a big way.   
   No pun intended. "I've thought about us a lot."   
      
   "Really? What, exactly?" she asked.   
      
   "You, me, together," I clarified.   
      
   "Could you be more specific? Together how?"   
      
   I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "How can you be so   
   blind?" I said, nearly under my breath.   
      
   "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her voice curt.   
      
   Uh oh. Pay attention, Mulder. Screwed pooch approaching. "I just   
   mean that it's nearly incomprehensible to me that you don't know   
   how I feel about you."   
      
   She stared at me for so long that I didn't think she was going to   
   respond. I opened my mouth to continue, but finally, she said,   
   "How would I know, Mulder?"   
      
   I guess she had a point there. Although I clearly remembered the   
   time after a brush with death in the Bermuda Triangle where I'd   
   told her I loved her.  I later realized her less than reciprocal   
   response was because she thought I was drugged to the gills.  I   
   was, but I had been sincere. The drugs had just loosened my   
   tongue and my inhibitions.   
      
   She continued, "I mean, we obviously work well together, and if   
   the last few days is any indicator, we play well together too."   
      
   I grinned and waggled my eyebrows. It fell flat but she smiled at   
   my lame attempt at levity anyway.   
      
   "At the same time, I just don't get it. Why now?  After all this   
   time?"   
      
   "Maybe the time was right. Maybe we needed to be in a place   
   where neither of us was in a life or death situation." I paused.   
   "Neither one of us was were injured, drugged, or emotionally   
   needy."   
      
   Her head snapped up suddenly. "Wait a minute!"   
      
   "What?" I asked.   
      
   Her brows scrunched in concentration. "Maybe we were drugged,"   
   she suggested.   
      
   "What?"   
      
   "You said yourself that you suspect that it's something in the food.   
   We've been eating there. The sheriff and his deputies are having a   
   holiday with their wives revived libido." Her voice rose slightly as   
   she warmed to her theory. "People are all over each other. I don't   
   know if you saw them outside the B&B, but there was a couple   
   going at it right there on the bench. There was another couple at   
   the morgue that was groping each other like it was their last day on   
   earth.  They were so involved in one another they didn't even   
   notice me walk by. Christ! I'm a professional. You, well, you're a   
   professional too, most of the time," she qualified.   
      
   I frowned. Now it was my turn to not be sure whether to be   
   insulted or not.   
      
   "Even I couldn't control myself!" Her voice lowered to a fierce   
   whisper in an attempt not to attract the attention of other diners.   
      
   "Even you, huh?" I said sarcastically.   
      
   "We fucked in an autopsy bay, for Christ's sake," she hissed.  "We   
   couldn't control ourselves while we were on a case, while we were   
   in the middle of an investigation. Jesus, while I was literally on   
   the   
   job!" she finished.   
      
   I felt the backs of my eyelids sting. My eyes pooled with tears and   
   I blinked rapidly to keep them from falling. I couldn't look at her.   
   Obviously this meant a lot more to me than it did to her.   
      
   "What's the matter, Mulder?" she asked, suddenly concerned.   
      
   I raised my hand and signaled for the waiter, forestalling my   
   answer. He approached and handed me the check. I handed him   
   my credit card and he walked away.   
      
   "Mulder," she said, trying to get my attention as I stared at my lap.   
      
   "Give me a minute," I hissed through clenched teeth.  She just   
   didn't get it. We weren't on the same page at all. I had that   
   sinking   
   feeling I always got when I got to close to a woman. I'd thought   
   Scully would be different. Maybe it was too much to hope for.   
   Unfortunately, I was afraid she was going to do the same thing that   
   every other woman I'd allowed close to me had done.   
      
   She was going to break my heart.   
      
   Damn me for a fool. I was going to let her do it. I was helpless to   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)