From: susanf34@comcast.net   
      
   *NO ARCHIVE*   
      
      
      
   Headers, notes, disclaimers, etc. can all be found   
   in chapter one. susanf34@comcast.net   
      
      
   Damariscotta   
   by Susan   
   ~~~~   
      
   chapter four   
      
      
   An hour later we were on US Highway 1, me in the   
   driver's seat, Scully sitting at my right.   
      
   It could've been the two of us on any morning in   
   any town on our way to investigate a case.   
      
   But it wasn't.   
      
   Just two months ago, I would've been happy if it   
   had been us. After all, driving from place to   
   place, putting the clues together, and solving   
   other people's problems was what we did, who we   
   were.   
      
   But then Scully was diagnosed with cancer, and I   
   got a hole drilled in my head, and who we were   
   became a hell of a lot more complicated.   
      
   She kept things from me, and I was driven to do   
   things that I never would've done otherwise, and   
   we both ended up hurting each other.   
      
   But now, things were changing.   
      
   In the short time that we've been together here,   
   some of the barriers we've put up have been lowered,   
   some of the broken places have begun to heal, and   
   for the first time since I met her, I feel like   
   maybe our partnership could evolve into something   
   more.   
      
   Of course, we both still have issues...hell, my   
   entire life's been built on issues...but I think   
   we've got something else now that we didn't have   
   before.   
      
   A better understanding of each other's needs.   
      
   Yesterday, she let me see who she was and what   
   she needed, and in doing so, I got what I needed.   
      
   Her trust.   
      
   Sure, I know I've had her trust for quite awhile   
   already, but this time was different.   
      
   This time she trusted me with her heart, and that   
   meant more to me than I could ever express.   
      
   "You're awfully quiet. You okay over there, Mulder?"   
   she asked, lightly touching my forearm as she   
   interrupted my musings.   
      
   "I was just thinkin' about some things."   
      
   "What things?"   
      
   "Us," I replied, deciding that being honest was   
   the way to go.   
      
   "Oh?"   
      
   "Yeah, I was thinking about how driving on the   
   highway with you like this kind of feels like   
   we're on our way to a case."   
      
   She looked down at her clothes, then over at me.   
   "Except I don't usually wear jeans when we're   
   working on a case, and you usually don't wear a   
   t-shirt."   
      
   I laughed. "Well, maybe we should. It's a lot more   
   comfortable, don't you think?"   
      
   "Yes, I guess it is, though I don't think Skinner   
   would be too keen on the idea."   
      
   "Skinner's not too keen on a lot of my ideas," I   
   said dryly.   
      
   She smiled, then quickly turned serious again.   
   "So Mulder, what's going on, really? You weren't   
   just thinking about us in the context of work,   
   were you?"   
      
   I should've known she'd see right past my answer   
   to her earlier question.   
      
   "No, I wasn't," I admitted.   
      
   "And?" she asked, tilting her head to the side in   
   anticipation of my answer.   
      
   "And I'm just really glad you came here," I said,   
   looking over at her as I slowed down for the exit.   
      
   "I'm glad I came too," she replied, her voice soft   
   and sincere.   
      
   Pleased with her response, I smiled at her, then   
   turned my attention back to the road.  Quickly   
   locating the sign at the end of the exit ramp that   
   was for the Pemaquid Point Lighthouse, I turned   
   right and kept on driving.   
      
   "Do you think this lighthouse will really be as   
   fabulous as Martha said it was?" asked Scully.   
      
   "Every other lighthouse I've seen has been, so I   
   suppose this one won't be any different."   
      
   "Since when did you become a lighthouse expert?"   
      
   "Since I lived on the east coast when I was growing   
   up," I replied. "Having a summer house in Rhode   
   Island, taking day trips to various places along   
   the coast, I saw quite a few lighthouses."   
      
   "Being the daughter of a navy captain, I saw my   
   share of them too. I remember there being some   
   great ones in North Carolina, but I always thought   
   the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse was the coolest one   
   because it looked like a giant black and white   
   candy cane."   
      
   "Did you just use the word 'coolest', Scully?" I   
   teased.   
      
   She playfully hit my arm. "Shut up, Mulder."   
      
   "Better not give me a hard time, Scully, or I'll   
   turn this car right back around."   
      
   "Whatever. So are we there yet or what?"   
      
   "I'd say we're just about there," I answered,   
   taking in the sight of the Atlantic Ocean as we   
   drove over a hill.   
      
   It was even more magnificent than I remember.   
      
   And just what I needed to see to put things in   
   perspective.   
      
   So much of my life has been spent chasing the   
   truth that I've never really taken the time to   
   enjoy or even notice the simple things like just   
   how blue the ocean looks on a clear day.   
      
   Or how blue Scully's eyes look right now with the   
   sun shining through the window.   
      
   But if being here these past few days has shown   
   me anything, it's that I need to change that.   
      
   Of course, I told myself that exact same thing   
   after I quit the Violent Crimes Unit, that I'd   
   take time to slow down and smell the roses, but   
   it lasted all of a couple weeks once I discovered   
   the X-Files.   
      
   And then it was back to the 80-hour work weeks   
   and driving myself to the point of exhaustion.   
      
   And for what?   
      
   A truth that I might never find?   
      
   No, if I wanted to have a life with Scully outside   
   of the X-Files, I needed to change.   
      
   I needed to slow down and take time to enjoy the   
   simple things in life and not let myself become   
   so consumed with things that I ultimately had no   
   control over.   
      
   And I needed to be honest with myself about what   
   it is I really want.   
      
   "Hey, you're going to miss the turn," she suddenly   
   called out, the urgency in her voice snapping me   
   out of my reverie.   
      
   "Sorry about that," I said, stepping on the brake   
   and flipping on the turn signal as we approached   
   the entrance to the parking lot.   
      
   "Thinking about us again, Mulder?" she asked,   
   though I had a feeling she already knew my answer.   
      
   "You could say that."   
      
   And maybe before the day was done, I'd actually   
   tell her *what* I was thinking about us.   
      
   Maybe...   
      
   I pulled into the parking lot then and found the   
   nearest available spot, which happened to be fairly   
   close to the main entrance. Turning off the ignition,   
   we looked out the front window at the majestic   
   lighthouse sitting on the hill, the layered granite   
   rocks surrounding it, and the waves wildly crashing   
   against them.   
      
   "Wow, I guess Martha was right," remarked Scully   
   as she opened her door.   
      
   "It really is spectacular, isn't it?" I said,   
   opening my door too.   
      
   Both of us getting out of the car, we walked   
   around to the front of it and leaned against the   
   hood, taking in an even better view. "It's just   
   beautiful...and listen to those waves, Mulder,"   
   she said, tilting her chin up and closing her   
   eyes, then taking in a deep breath of the ocean   
   air.   
      
   "I'm listening, Scully."   
      
   I was also looking at how completely relaxed she   
   was, how the dark circles she had beneath her   
   eyes last night seemed to have disappeared and   
   how much more radiant her skin looked today.   
      
   She opened her eyes again, and I quickly looked   
   away, not wanting her to catch me gazing at her.   
   "Isn't it great? I'm so glad we decided to come   
   here," she said excitedly.   
      
   "Well then, what are we standing out here in the   
   parking lot for? Let's go be tourists, Scully," I   
   said, repeating the same words she'd said during   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)