From: susanf34@comcast.net   
      
   *NO ARCHIVE*   
      
      
      
   Headers, notes, disclaimers, etc. can all be found   
   in chapter one. susanf34@comcast.net   
      
      
   Damariscotta   
   by Susan   
   ~~~~   
      
   chapter two   
      
      
   8:12 am   
      
      
   When I woke up, I was surprised to roll over and   
   see that it was already past 8:00.   
      
   The only thing I remembered before falling asleep   
   was talking on the phone with Scully and telling   
   her where I was, and then nothing.   
      
   But it was a good kind of nothing.   
      
   For the first time in days, I didn't have any   
   nightmares, and I didn't wake up drenched in   
   sweat.   
      
   Could it be because Scully and I came clean with   
   each other for once?   
      
   Sure, we both still had a long way to go in regards   
   to telling each other how we felt about a lot of   
   things, but I couldn't help thinking that maybe   
   simply telling her I was here in Maine and letting   
   her know how I felt about her cancer was a start.   
      
   And what she'd said to me...well, I'm still trying   
   to wrap my mind around that one.   
      
   Three years ago she'd caught me off guard by telling   
   me that I was the only one she trusted, but to hear   
   her say that she's afraid of losing me was something   
   I never expected her to admit to herself, let alone   
   say out loud to me.   
      
   Did she say it in the heat of the moment, or were   
   those five words the start of something even greater   
   between us?   
      
   I honestly don't know, but I do know this.   
      
   It changes everything.   
      
   ~~~~   
      
   3:30 pm   
      
      
   "I'll be there as soon as I can."   
      
   That's what she'd said to me hours ago, but where   
   was she?   
      
   Standing here now, the quiet ripples of the river   
   softly tapping against the shore, the wet breeze   
   dampening my skin, I began to wonder if she'd   
   changed her mind and decided not to come.   
      
   Or what if something had happened, and she wasn't   
   able to come?   
      
   What if she'd had another nosebleed, a nosebleed   
   more severe than the one she'd had last week when   
   we were investigating Harold Spuller?   
      
   No, I would've sensed that something was wrong.   
      
   She probably just had a flight delay at the airport,   
   or she was stuck in traffic. Then again, if that   
   were the case, why wouldn't she have called and   
   told me that?   
      
   Picking up a stone on the ground, I tossed it out   
   into the water.  Watching the rock as it quickly   
   disappeared beneath the surface, it suddenly   
   occurred to me that I'd done the same thing when   
   I had agreed to let Dr. Goldstein drill a hole in   
   my head and help me conjure up memories that may   
   or may not have been real.   
      
   I had disappeared beneath the surface and almost   
   drowned, nearly taking Scully with me.   
      
   And yet here I was doing the same thing again.   
      
   I'd left DC because I didn't want to drag her   
   down and hurt her again, yet I told her where I   
   was, knowing that she'd want to come here and   
   knowing that I wouldn't be able to stop her.   
      
   How could I have been so selfish?   
      
   Angrily grabbing another rock from the ground,   
   I hurled it as far downstream as I could, then   
   squeezed my eyes shut.   
      
   I couldn't let her do this.   
      
   I couldn't let her come here and get pulled back   
   under with me, I just couldn't.   
      
   "You've got a pretty good arm, but your technique's   
   all wrong," said someone from behind me.   
      
   My eyes immediately flying open at the sound of   
   her voice, I spun around and saw her standing   
   there.   
      
   She looked thinner to me and her hair seemed   
   longer, though I'd just seen her a few days ago.   
      
   "Scully."   
      
   She took a step closer. "Mulder."   
      
   We both just stood there and looked at each other   
   then, neither of us moving, neither of us speaking.   
      
   It was awkward.   
      
   Then again, there seemed to be a lot of awkward   
   moments between us lately.   
      
   We used to be so comfortable around each other,   
   but ever since Scully told me she had cancer,   
   things have become much more intense between us.   
      
   And guarded.   
      
   "Are you okay?" I finally asked, taking note of   
   her pale skin and the dark circles under her eyes.   
   "You look tired."   
      
   I started walking towards her then, suddenly   
   overcome with the urge to touch her, but the   
   flash of anger I saw in her eyes stopped me.   
      
   "And how should I look, Mulder?" she snapped back,   
   surprising me with her sharp tone. "How should I   
   look after worrying about you nonstop over the   
   last few days? How should I look, not knowing if   
   you were passed out in your car because of a   
   seizure or lying dead in the middle of a field   
   somewhere?" she said, her hands at her sides and   
   clenched into fists.   
      
   As much as it hurt to hear her speak to me that   
   way, I knew she was right. It was wrong of me to   
   just pick up and leave without telling her.   
      
   Just as it was wrong of me to let her come here.   
      
   I put my hands in my pockets, looked down, kicked   
   at a small stick on the ground.  "I'm sorry," I   
   said softly, still looking down, this time at a   
   worm burrowing its way underground to the left   
   of my foot. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Scully."   
      
   "And I'm sorry too," she said, her voice still   
   sharp, but softening. "I'm sorry you didn't feel   
   like you could trust me enough to let me know   
   where you were."   
      
   Tilting my head back, I closed my eyes and inhaled   
   the misty air coming off the river, then turned   
   to look over at her. "I didn't leave to hurt you.   
   I left to protect you."   
      
   "I don't need you to protect me, Mulder," she   
   argued.   
      
   I know you don't, but I need to feel like you do,   
   I thought to myself, moving over a little closer   
   to her.   
      
   She didn't step back.   
      
   I moved closer.   
      
   She looked up at me then, licked the corner of   
   her mouth. "And I don't need you to worry about   
   me, either. I had a checkup two days ago, and my   
   doctor said I was fine."   
      
   "Are you?" I asked, just as I had asked her on   
   the phone before.   
      
   Tentatively cupping my hand around her cheek, I   
   was immediately struck by how soft and warm it   
   was.   
      
   And how much more delicate it felt since the last   
   time I'd touched it.   
      
   She looked up at me with watery eyes, then quickly   
   looked away. "I'm fine. Stop looking at me like   
   that."   
      
   "You are not fine, Scully," I said, brushing my   
   fingers across her cheek, then drawing her into   
   my arms.   
      
   "I'm fine, Mulder," she whispered, her head pressed   
   against my chest, her arms tightening around me.   
      
   "Yeah...and so am I," I whispered back, closing my   
   eyes as I rested my chin on the top of her head.   
      
   Of course, I was anything but fine, but standing   
   out here now, the light mist from the river gently   
   wafting over us, I realized that all the things I   
   was trying to deal with could wait.   
      
   Right now, the only thing that mattered was that   
   Scully needed me to hold onto.   
      
   And I wasn't about to let go.   
      
   ~~~~   
      
   "You ready to go inside?" I asked, finally pulling   
   back from our embrace, but not completely letting   
   go. "Your arms feel cold."   
      
   She looked down just long enough to slip back into   
   guarded mode, then said, "It's been a long day."   
      
   Not wanting to get into any kind of heavy discussion   
   with her right now, I chose to ignore her obvious   
   avoidance of what just happened between us.   
      
   And judging from the subtle twitch in her eyebrow,   
   she knew it.   
      
   "I'm parked on the street in front of the inn,"   
   she said, taking a step backwards so I'd have to   
   let go of her arms.   
      
   "I'll get your bag."   
      
   "I'm perfectly capable of getting my own bag,   
   Mulder."   
      
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
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