From: susanf34@comcast.net   
      
   *NO ARCHIVE*   
      
      
      
   Title: Bouquet   
   Author: Susan   
   E-mail: susanf34@comcast.net   
   Classification: a what-if vignette   
   Keyword: big time angst-o-rama   
   Rating: PG   
   Spoiler: Demons   
   Archive: After the Fact site.   
   Disclaimer: On paper, these characters aren't mine.   
   In my head, they are.   
      
   Author's notes: After watching Demons in syndication   
   this past weekend, I got to wondering what it would've   
   been like if Scully hadn't gotten to Mulder in time   
   and talked him into putting his gun down. This is one   
   possibility...   
      
   More author's notes at the end.   
      
   Summary: Maybe I didn't know you as well as I thought   
   I did.   
   **********************************************************   
      
   Bouquet   
   by Susan   
   ~~~~   
      
   It wasn't supposed to be like this.   
      
   I wasn't supposed to get stuck in traffic and take   
   ten minutes to get there instead of five.   
      
   I wasn't supposed to go into the house and find   
   you lying there, blood pooling around your head,   
   seeping down through the cracks in the wooden   
   floor.   
      
   I wasn't supposed to see your blank eyes staring   
   upward in the dark, the gun still warm in your   
   limp hand.   
      
   And I sure as hell wasn't supposed to hear your   
   doctor say, "He may not make it through the night."   
      
   Damn it, Mulder. It wasn't supposed to be like   
   this.   
      
   I was going to help you find out what really   
   happened to your sister, and you were going to   
   help me find out a way to beat my cancer.   
      
   So, now what am I supposed to do?   
      
   ~~~~   
      
   I'm so pissed off at you right now.   
      
   How could you do this to yourself?   
      
   After all you've seen, after what you've experienced,   
   how could you throw it all away?   
      
   How could you leave me alone, Mulder?   
      
   You promised me that we would finish this journey   
   we're on together.   
      
   You lied.   
      
   ~~~~   
      
   Your doctor says there's a strong possibility that   
   the gunshot wound caused permanent damage to your   
   brain.   
      
   I refuse to believe him.   
      
   You're too strong to let that happen.   
      
   At least I thought you were.   
      
   Then again, maybe I didn't really know you as well   
   as I thought I did.   
      
   You let yourself be given a powerful hallucinogen.   
   You let a doctor you knew nothing about drill a   
   hole in your head.   
      
   You let your finger pull the trigger on your gun   
   just so you could figure out what the goddamn   
   truth was.   
      
   How could the truth possibly be more important   
   than your life?   
      
   ~~~~   
      
   I've been thinking about the day I told you I had   
   cancer.   
      
   You shyly handed me a bouquet of flowers and made   
   a joke about stealing them from another patient,   
   then told me you refused to believe there wasn't   
   something you could do to help me.   
      
   Well Mulder, I refuse to believe too.   
      
   I refuse to believe that there's nothing I can do   
   for you.   
      
   Do you hear me?   
      
   Can you hear the sound of my voice? Can you feel   
   the strength of my faith?   
      
   You have to, you know.   
      
   You have to hear me, and you have to open your   
   eyes and look at me, then make some sort of smart   
   ass comment about the fact that you now have two   
   holes in your head.   
      
   Come on, Mulder. You have to wake up, damn it.   
      
   You have to wake up so I can give you a bouquet   
   of flowers too.   
      
   ~~~~   
      
   It wasn't supposed to be like this.   
      
   I wasn't supposed to still be sitting here two   
   weeks later listening to all these machines do   
   your breathing for you.   
      
   I wasn't supposed to watch your body slowly fade   
   away and feel nothing but a sharp chill in your   
   fingers.   
      
   And I wasn't supposed to be cheated out of the   
   chance to tell you that I love you.   
      
   And I won't be.   
      
   I'm going to keep fighting, Mulder, and you're   
   going to keep fighting too.   
      
   And we're going to win.   
      
   ~~~~   
      
   Two days later at approximately 9:02 a.m., you do   
   win.   
      
   With your eyes still closed, your breathing still   
   labored, you squeeze my hand and whisper my name.   
      
   But it's not supposed to happen this way.   
      
   I'm not supposed to be losing my battle just as   
   you're beginning to win yours.   
      
   I'm not supposed to be sitting beside your bed,   
   dark circles beneath my eyes, a bloody tissue   
   pressed to my nose.   
      
   And I'm not supposed to cry. Not here, not now.   
      
   And so I force myself not to.   
      
   I simply squeeze your hand back and hope I can be   
   strong enough.   
      
   For both of us.   
      
      
   ~end~   
      
   *Now before you ask me if there's going to be a   
   continuation of this, I can tell you that the   
   answer is no. I wrote this as a one-time look   
   at how things might've turned out had Scully   
   not gotten to Mulder in time, and all I can say   
   is I sure am glad it didn't turn out this way.:)   
   Thanks for reading, and please drop me a line if   
   you feel so inclined...   susanf34@comcast.net   
      
   possibilities   
   http://possibilities.bravehost.com/   
      
   the bare essentials   
   http://www.geocities.com/filesfan34/   
      
      
      
      
      
      
   To post, mail to xfc-ATXC@yahoogroups.com   
   To subscribe, mail xfc-ATXC-subscribe@yahoogroups.com   
   To unsubscribe, mail xfc-ATXC-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com   
   Yahoo! Groups Links   
      
   <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:   
       http://groups.yahoo.com/group/xfc-atxc/   
      
   <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:   
       xfc-atxc-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com   
      
   <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to:   
       http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)