From: lilytiger73@yahoo.com   
      
   Title: Haunted   
      
   Author: Cassie – foxytime@yahoo.com   
      
   Dates: First Draft – November 25, 2003 – March 24, 2004. Final Draft –   
    May 3, 2004   
      
   Distribution: ATD, CSFTDS, The End of the Road, NFW, Spookys, XFMU.   
   All others please ask.   
      
   Rating: R – rape, sensitive material   
      
   Category: ScullyAngst, DSR, past dark MSR/rape, DR/UST one-sided   
      
   Timeline: Season 9 – in between "Sunshine Days" and "The Truth"   
      
   Episode References: Redux II, ChristmasCarol/Emily, How The Ghosts   
   Stole Christmas, Requiem, Per Manum, Alone, Existence, Nothing   
   Important Happened Today, 4-D, Audrey Pauley, Sunshine Days.   
      
   Beta: Alexa   
      
   Thanks to Kristi and RPcrazy for looking over this story before I   
   posted it online. Your comments and suggestions are very much   
   appreciated.   
      
   Extra special thanks to Alexa: for her excellent beta on this story.   
   You're the best.   
      
   Summary: "Loving someone is not a failure. It's a blessing. No   
   matter what has happened or what will happen. Love is never a   
   failure."   
      
   WARNING: This story contains content dealing with rape, and the   
   aftermath of rape. I strongly suggest that rabid Mulder/Scully   
   shippers and rabid Mulder lovers stop here. The rape in this story   
   is only shown through flashbacks. If you are sensitive to this   
   subject or it could trigger you, please close out now. You have   
   been warned.   
      
   Author's Note: This story came about because of my theory that   
   Mulder may have raped Scully at some point during Season 7. This   
   is how I believe things could have panned out.   
      
      
   ----------   
      
   "You used to captivate me   
    By your resonating light   
    But now I'm bound by the life you left behind   
    Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams   
    Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me   
      
    These wounds won't seem to heal   
    This pain is just too real   
    There's just too much that time cannot erase."   
      
    "My Immortal" - Evanescence   
      
   ----------   
      
   Empty.   
      
   That's what it feels like inside her mind, body, and soul. Scully   
   never believed that a person could endure so much pain in life. She   
   had suffered through so much loss, heartache and regret in life   
   already. The loss of her father, the loss of her daughter, the   
   decision to put her son up for adoption, and finally the heartache   
   she feels when she thinks about how the love that she could have   
   received had slipped right through her fingers.   
      
   Scully rolls onto her back to stare at her living room ceiling. The   
   shadows from the street lamp outside create abstract images on the   
   wall. These images are inkblots to her, and she is the only one who   
   knows what they represent. Each different shape represents a part   
   of her mind that she hides from those around her. Each different   
   shape is a part of the reason she could not sleep tonight. This isn't   
   the first time she has suffered from insomnia and she knows it will   
   not be her last.   
      
   Her eyes fall on the digital clock of her VCR, four o'clock in the   
   morning. She lets out a heavy sigh, why should she even bother   
   trying to get sleep now when she'll be getting up in two hours   
   anyway?   
      
   For the most part, she ran on auto-pilot these days. Each day was   
   the same as the last: get up, get ready for work, teach at Quantico,   
   come home, have dinner, watch the evening news, go to sleep. She   
   liked to stick to this predictable schedule. She felt more in control   
   of her life this way. For years she hadn't felt in control of her own   
   life, and she desperately needed it now.   
      
   Her sleep patterns are always erratic. She never knows if one night   
   she'll sleep peacefully or if she'll awake, panicked, from vivid   
   nightmares that would haunt her for the rest of her life.   
      
   Details of her day went unnoticed. She only writes in her personal   
   journal when she needs to take a moment and realize what is said   
   or done around her that triggers her frightening memories. By   
   doing this, she can learn to understand what upsets her, and she can   
   anticipate having panic attacks or flashbacks. This allows her the   
   opportunity to prevent them from happening. When she is   
   successful, she feels in control of her life and emotions.   
      
   Since being assigned to the X-Files Division years ago, Scully had   
   gradually shut out her family and friends from her life. Even while   
   she was pregnant with William, her eldest brother, Bill, hadn't   
   bothered to visit her or talk to her. She suspected the reason to be   
   because Mulder is the father and Bill could never accept him as a   
   part of her life. She hates that her brother looks down upon her, she   
   hates the fact that she pushes her family and friends away. She   
   especially hates the fact that this happened because of Mulder.   
      
   There had been a time when Monica Reyes used to ask her if she'd   
   like to go out for drinks after work with her and Doggett. Despite   
   knowing that the Bureau expects its agents to socialize outside of   
   the office, she declined, citing fatigue as an excuse not to join   
   them. The fact of the matter is that she doesn't want to be among   
   other people. She'd rather stay at home and do nothing. She feels   
   safe this way, and feeling safe is always her number one priority.   
      
   Scully often felt that Monica's offerings of friendship were out of   
   sympathy rather than sincerity. For someone so lonely, a friendship   
   with Monica would have been welcoming, but she refuses to let it   
   happen. Maybe she feels this way because of her jealousy of the   
   closeness that has developed between Monica and John these past   
   couple of months. She has definitely felt a vibe between the two of   
   them that speaks of much more than just friendship. Monica is   
   lucky to have him in her life. He is a good man. He would never   
   betray their friendship.   
      
   Scully turns to lie on her side. She shuts her eyes and breathes   
   deep, thinking of her ex-partner.   
      
   John Doggett.   
      
   A man of his word, loyal, faithful, stubborn in his beliefs, strong,   
   tough yet caring and gentle. A man unafraid to speak his mind. He   
   is unafraid to show his weaker, softer side. She sees so much of   
   herself in him, so much of herself that she has lost. She admires his   
   strength to get through hard times and his ability to maintain an   
   unbroken spirit through adversity. She longs to feel this way again   
   and now wishes that he could be there with her, to help her heal   
   both physically and emotionally, to feel his strong arms around her   
   body, the low rumble of his voice comforting her through her   
   fears, but it was too late. She let opportunity pass her by and now   
   she was left to wonder what could have been.   
      
   When she first began working with Doggett a few years ago, after   
   Mulder's disappearance, she felt that he had developed feelings for   
   her that had grown beyond professional interest. She didn't trust   
   him. She didn't want to give him a chance, and in some ways she   
   found herself scared of him. Though as time carried on, she grew   
   to care for him too.   
      
   She wishes that she had taken hold of the opportunities that had   
   been presented and told him how she feels. She wants to know   
   what it's like to feel safe in the arms of a man that would never   
   hurt her. She is afraid to do this. When she left work to go on   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)