From: eblair@sonic.net   
      
   TITLE:  The Tour From Hell   
   AUTHOR: Erin M. Blair   
   E-MAIL: eblair@sonic.net   
   CLASSIFICATION/CATEGORIES: SHA--Story, Humor, Angst.   
   CONTENT: Mulder/Scully UST. MulderTorture.   
   DISTRIBUTION/ARCHIVE STATEMENT: OK at Gossamer,   
   Ephemeral, Mulder's Refuge, MiJ, and After the Fact.   
   RATING: PG   
   SPOILERS: The End. There is a small future   
   spoiler for Hollywood AD, but this is really a   
   post-episode fic for The End.   
   SETTING: It's shortly before Fight the Future.   
   DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris   
   Carter.   
   DATE: Completed June 25, 2004   
   ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Thanks to Jen for beta   
   reading this story. I'm grateful for your help,   
   guidance, and support. I couldn't have finished this   
   story without you.   
   SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully have to be   
   tour guides for a busload of children at the FBI   
   after their basement office burned down.   
      
   *Written for the The Golden Gurney June Challenge.*   
      
   ---------------------------------------------   
   The Tour From Hell   
   by Erin M. Blair   
   ---------------------------------------------   
      
   The FBI Tour had a shortage of tour   
   guides and they were expecting   
   a huge amount of tourists to trek to the   
   Hoover building. Skinner thought it was due   
   to the worldwide promotion of a movie from that   
   television show on the FOX network. They were   
   even releasing toy figures of the characters for   
   the school age set. Children wanted to meet   
   the real Mulder and Scully because of that   
   show.   
      
   When the basement office burnt down, Mulder   
   and Scully were being threatened with separation. When   
   Skinner told them that they would be temporary tour   
   guides for awhile, he noticed that Mulder and Scully   
   wore similar expressions of shock.   
      
   "Mulder? Scully? Did you hear what I just said?" Skinner   
   inquired of his agents.   
      
   "No," Mulder said in a small voice.   
      
   "It's only temporary until we find a place for the both   
   of you," Skinner replied. "I know it's not the greatest   
   thing in the world to do, but you would be pleasing the   
   biggest load of tourists that the FBI has ever seen."   
      
   "Can we go on domestic terrorism instead? I'd rather do   
   that than deal with a busload of children!" Mulder said   
   with pleading eyes.   
      
   "Agents, you're going to do this assignment whether you   
   like it or hate it. I don't want to see any complaints   
   by the teachers and parents of these children on my   
   desk tomorrow," Skinner said.   
      
   *  *  *   
      
   Mulder and Scully were walking down the hallway. "This   
   is scut work, Scully. I can't believe this. All because of some   
   stupid annoying film based on us!"   
      
   "Mulder..."   
      
   "Scully, this sucks. I know this is because I made some   
   totally crappy decisions on our last case! If I didn't make   
   the decision to deal with the shooter, we'd still have the   
   X-Files."   
      
   "Maybe we wouldn't. Like I told you before, they have   
   won this time. We've gotten them back before, Mulder.   
   Remember?"   
      
   "It's a little more difficult this time," Mulder said with   
   a sigh.   
      
   "Difficult?"   
      
   "I mean it's a bit more difficult to get the X-Files   
   back. It's really complicated. It seems as though   
   the players want to see me suffer."   
      
   "I noticed that," she said. "Look, Mulder, you   
   have to think about this positively. We will get them   
   back -- it's just going to be harder this time."   
      
   "I understand that, Scully. It's just that I have   
   no patience right now. The past few weeks   
   have been total crap! First, I found out we   
   lost the X-Files. Then our office burned   
   down. Now we're getting scut work!" He paused.   
   He was trying to make sense of it all, but   
   he couldn't. "I wonder: what's next?"   
      
   "Mulder, I know this isn't what we would   
   like to do. We have to prove ourselves. We've   
   spent years on them. Now we have to reenter   
   the FBI totem poll with realistic cases to solve.   
   We have to get their respect back. It's not going   
   to happen overnight. Someday we will show them   
   the truth, but it's not going to happen now."   
      
   "Tour guides, Scully? I've never done that."   
      
   "I guess there's always the first time," Scully   
   said as she gave him a rueful smile.  "You might   
   even like it."   
      
   "I doubt that. I really do."   
      
   *  *  *   
      
   The first day of their new assignment, Mulder   
   decided to make the best of it. He didn't like   
   it, but he knew he had to put the best face   
   out there. Otherwise, both of them would be   
   stuck.   
      
   Mulder and Scully both wore smiles on their   
   faces. Both of them wanted to make sure that   
   they made the best of it.   
      
   Until --   
      
   A busload of children walked in the main door   
   of the Hoover building. They were accompanied   
   by their teacher. The teacher looked worn out and   
   she was frowning at the students' behavior.   
      
   Mulder leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Scully, we're   
   going to have a problem here."   
      
   "Let's try to make the best of it," Scully whispered.   
   "OK?"   
      
   "I'll try, Scully. You know how much I want them   
   back," he said.   
      
   Their conversation was cut short when one of the   
   boys called out: "Is Fox a *real* name?"   
      
   Mulder frowned. "Yes, it is."   
      
   "Fox in the box," grinned the second boy.   
      
   Mulder was trying to ignore their comments. He   
   really did try. He hated being teased. He closed   
   his eyes briefly. Tears welled in his hazel eyes as   
   it brought back painful schoolyard memories of his   
   classmates relentless teasing.   
      
   No wonder he hated his first name.   
      
   "Mulder, don't let them get to you," said Scully. She   
   reached out to grab his hand protectively. "Let's just   
   get through this day. They are really coming to see   
   us since that film is going to open next week."   
      
   "This is going to try my patience," he whispered as   
   he gritted his teeth.   
      
   The children were talking all at once. They were yelling,   
   "Fox and Dana went up a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"   
      
   Mulder looked at the teacher. "Will you please control   
   your students?"   
      
   "They always behave like this," Miss King said as   
   she frowned at the agents. "Especially Robert and   
   Tommy."   
      
   "God, I feel like I'm back on the playground again,"   
   Mulder muttered underneath his breath.   
      
   Scully knew Mulder didn't like the situation that they were   
   in one bit, but these kids were making it   
   very unbearable. She had to do something.   
      
   Anything to make a bad situation bearable.   
      
   Then ---   
      
   "Miss King, it would be extremely respectful of   
   you to take serious control of your students. If you   
   don't, then Agent Mulder and I will have to stop   
   the tour," Scully said in her most forceful take charge   
   voice.   
      
   "It's really hard, Agent Scully."   
      
   Scully wouldn't take any reluctance from this   
   teacher. From being with her, it dawned on her   
   that that poor teacher was young and she didn't   
   know how to stand up to her students. "Do it." She   
   paused. "You can't be weak about this. Otherwise,   
   they will control you."   
      
   The noise level was getting rowdy. It was hard to   
   talk to anyone at this decibel. Scully noticed that   
   Mulder was frowning and his hands grabbed his   
   head. He seemed, from what she could tell,   
   to be in massive pain.   
      
   She went towards him. "Mulder, are you all right?"   
      
   "Scullee. I am in serious pain."   
      
   "Your head?"   
      
   Mulder nodded. "It hurts so much." His frown   
   deepened. The bright lights seemed to flash   
   around him and the room was spinning around   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)