From: davideml@bellsouth.net   
      
   6-10    Old Ares Had a Farm   
      
      
      
   First airing was Jan. 15, 2001.   
      
      
      
   The episode starts out with Xena and Gabrielle coming down the stairs inside a   
   tavern, presumably   
   coming from a room they had rented. They go to the bar and Xena spies several   
   scumbag warlord types   
   and goes over to find out why they are there. Xena puts the Pinch on one of   
   them and the others   
   attack. After a brief "here we go again" look on her face, Gabrielle joins in.   
   After the fight is   
   over, Xena goes back to the first guy and asks what's going on. He says the   
   warlords of Greece,   
   Thrace, and Macedonia have put a price on Ares' head because he's crossed so   
   many of them and they   
   have united under Gasgar the Terrible. They know he is now mortal.   
      
      
      
   Ares is walking down a path and is confronted by a guy named Siki who wants to   
   kill him. Xena and   
   Gabrielle join Ares and she makes him run off. Ares says he gets a lot of   
   that. Xena tells him   
   about the warlords coming after him. He wants the three of them to take them   
   all on. Xena has a   
   better idea - for him to change his identity. He says being a king or cult   
   leader appeals to him.   
   She tells him he has to do something no one would suspect, Then asks him how   
   he is at shoveling   
   sh*t.   
      
      
      
   Xena asks what is wrong with being a farmer. He still wants to fight the   
   warlords and Xena asks if   
   he wants to fight EVERY one that comes along. She says she and Gabrielle will   
   stay with him until   
   he gets into the swing of things. He's imagining a plantation with slaves and   
   flute-playing girls.   
      
      
      
   They come to a rundown, ramshackle farmhouse. Xena says it's just like she   
   remembered - the Elysian   
   Fields on earth. She shows Gabrielle where she carved her initial on a post -   
   an X. It was her   
   grandparents' farm and she has fond memories of it. They go inside and it's   
   even worse, cobwebs   
   everywhere, a table collapses and a door falls off its hinges.   
      
      
      
   Siki is bragging about killing Ares until Gasgar throws him around some. He   
   describes Ares and   
   Gasgar thinks he may have seen him. He tells Gasgar he saw Ares outside of   
   Ipierso and followed   
   them to the Lackawan Valley. He says a couple of women were with him.   
      
      
      
   Ares is sitting shirtless on the porch while Xena and Gabrielle have changed   
   into skimpy peasant   
   frocks. They are working  on the house while he's drinking wine. Xena calls   
   him inside and he hides   
   some rags under the porch. He goes inside and Xena wants him to nail boards to   
   the ceiling.   
      
      
      
   Ares can't find the rags, his wineskin, and one of Gabrielle's boots is   
   missing. A  young, pretty   
   widow neighbor, named Greba, comes over and tells them the Warlord Gasgar was   
   seen heading in their   
   direction. Ares flirts with her, but Xena runs her off, then changes back into   
   her warrior garb and   
   says she's going to go see Gasgar.   
      
      
      
   Xena goes to Gasgar's camp and tells him she can give him Ares' head on a   
   platter. Gasgar believes   
   her since he's heard stories about the things Ares has done to her. But now   
   that Ares is mortal   
   they don't need her and don't want to split the bounty. Xena suggests that   
   maybe Ares isn't mortal,   
   she can still kill gods, and she knows where to find him.   
      
      
      
   Back at the farm Gabrielle and Ares are sitting in front of a roaring   
   fireplace while it is   
   storming outside. Gabrielle thanks him for giving up his godhood to save her   
   and Eve. He says if   
   Eve died, Xena would have lost her ability to kill gods and Athena would have   
   killed her. Gabrielle   
   was just an afterthought. Xena comes in and says she and her brothers used to   
   sit by the fire and   
   tell ghost stories.   
      
      
      
   Ares says the thief has stolen one of his gauntlets. Gabrielle hints that   
   maybe it's a ghost. Ares   
   says that mortals go to the most incredible places just to rationalize   
   unexplained phenomena.   
      
      
      
   Suddenly the roof begins to leak over them. The only dry room is the bedroom.   
   Ares says the three   
   of them can sleep there. Xena says she supposes since they are all adults.   
   Ares agrees.   
      
      
      
   Gabrielle and Xena are wearing bras and skirts. Ares is between them with just   
   his leather pants   
   on. Xena and Ares have trouble getting comfortable. Gabrielle is sleeping.   
   After some tossing and   
   turning Ares is on his back and Gabrielle turns over and her hand plops down   
   on his crotch. Xena   
   sees this and with a distasteful look on her face moves Gabrielle's hand.   
      
      
      
   The next morning Ares wakes up to hear Xena and Gabrielle outside. Xena is   
   yelling that her   
   breastplate is missing. Ares grabs his sword and comes out on the bedroom   
   balcony,  then jumps down   
   to help them find the breastplate. They are following tracks and can see where   
   it was dragged. They   
   find where it and the other missing things have been buried. Inside a hollow   
   log is a small dog,   
   who takes a shine to Ares.   
      
      
      
   Xena and Gabrielle go to town for supplies. Greba comes over while Ares is on   
   the roof trying to   
   repair it. He comes down to talk to her. She thinks Xena and Gabrielle are his   
   daughters because he   
   is an "older man" with a touch of gray hair. Insulted, Ares goes back to fix   
   the roof, but he falls   
   through and ends up on the floor covered with ceiling boards.   
      
      
      
   Xena and Gabrielle come back. Gabrielle is driving a wagon loaded with   
   chickens and a pig, with a   
   cow following. They find Ares still lying on the floor. He tells them he is   
   "lying here smelling my   
   mortality, all my muscles ache, I have gray hair," and the dog's tongue is in   
   his mouth.   
      
      
      
   Later, Xena tells Ares to kill a chicken for supper, and with joyful   
   excitement, he grabs his sword   
   and goes to the chicken pen.   
      
      
      
   Gabrielle tells Xena she suspects the reason they are staying is that she's   
   trying to relive her   
   childhood memories. Xena tells her she was happy, it was peaceful, and she   
   felt safe.   
      
      
      
   While Ares is still trying to kill  a chicken, Gasgar's men ride up, led by   
   Demetrius. Ares runs   
   inside and Xena gives him old farmer's clothes to wear. She says she has to   
   leave. Demetrius calls   
   for Ares to come outside. Ares tells Gabrielle to go first and to stall. She   
   takes the rag off her   
   head, shakes her hair and tears open her blouse, exposing polka dot blouse.   
   She goes outside like   
   she was interrupted from something sexual. She flirts with Demetrius until   
   Ares comes out in the   
   farmer's clothes. He orders her back into the house.   
      
      
      
   Demetrius says they are looking for Ares. Farmer/Ares has an attitude and gets   
   knocked down for his   
   smart mouth. Xena rides up and stops Demetrius from hitting him with a board.   
   Demetrius tells her   
   she needs to put the Pinch on him. She hesitates but knows she has to, and   
   does so. And the dog   
      
   [continued in next message]   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)