Hello Matthew

>I still read this newsgroup occasionally, but not very often. I'm preoccupied
with other matters right now, and have a very busy >schedule. Also, I have
Aspergers, which impairs my organisation and time management. 

What is Asparagus?

>It's nice to see you again. I hope you are well. I didn't feel offended or
bothered by anything you said in email. I'm guessing that >you have sometimes
been rejected by other people in social situations in the past, and that you
feel confused about why this >is. So, you're left wondering what's OK to say
and what isn't. Social situations must feel like an invisible minefield to
you, and >this must be a tough burden to live with. You are very brave and
strong to continue trying your best in the face of all this. 

It is also nice to see you, I am well. I am sorry that I have responded so
late

>You don't need to feel so guilty and apologetic all the time. You're a good
person and you contribute positively to the world >around you. You try your
best in the face of difficult circumstances that are beyond your control.
There are plenty of selfish >jerks around, and you're not one of them. That
janitor you told me about seems like a nasty bully and a prize idiot. 

I no longer do the job I really hate and despise; many years ago I have lost
my job and I am one extended sick leave ever since. I am doing voluntary work
that gives me no stress at all. So I am not so desperate any more and I am
waiting with patience for things to come…

In which way am I contribute positively to the world around me? Most of the
time I am feeling that I am a burden to JMS.

>Here is my case formulation of you, as of last we talked, which admittedly
was several years ago. You most likely meet criteria >for an Axis II
delusional disorder, as your psychiatrist(s) diagnosed you with. An Axis II
disorder is generally less severe than >an Axis I disorder. You don't meet
criteria for schizophrenia, which involves delusions, hallucinations and
disordered thinking. >You only have delusions, and those delusions that you
have are not severe in intensity. Your logical understanding of causality >is
not impaired, but you sometimes engage in delusions as a defence mechanism to
protect your self-esteem and manage >core identity issues. 

I don’t meet criteria of schizophrenia because I am on medication against my
delusions.

>psychiatrists often speak of "delusional guilt". My interpretation of
delusional guilt is that it typically involves a negative schema, >combined
with an impairment in your ability to use rational evidence to counter the
negative thoughts you've had about >yourself. 

I have a negative self-image I am suffering of.

>Your IQ seems to be above average (tests can measure it more precisely), and
you're smart enough to learn more than one >language. Your vocabulary in
English, which isn't your first language, is pretty good. Your ability to
understand the world >around you does not seem to be impaired, except for your
negative self-image and delusions pertaining to yourself and your >core
identity. The Babylon 5 questions, such as "Who are you?" and "What do you
want" are worth considering. They're not >easy questions to answer. It's
painful to be yourself, so you use delusions as a form of escapism. 

I have learned through "Who are you?" and "What do you want" that Vantu is
just as fictional creation as Santa or the Easter Bunny. I am no longer
letting him drive mine life with the help of proper medication!  

>Last we talked, you were comfortable and perhaps even enthusiastic about
receiving help and support in this newsgroup. >Consequently, I'm assuming that
you're consenting to hearing the above material publicly. Please accept my
apologies in the >event that this assumption of mine was inaccurate. 

Your assumption was accurate, no need to apologize; it gives us something to
talk about it in this newsgroup.

>It's pretty quiet in here these days, and I'm not going to be around much.
That's why I figured I'd give you this formulation now, >for you to take away
with you if you wish. I'd like to be clear that nothing I say to you online
can take the place of formal >therapy in "real life" in your local area. So,
if you're seeing professionals such as a psychiatrist or clinical
psychologist, please >be guided by them. If you wish to print out this post of
mine and show it to a professional you're seeing locally, please feel free >to
do so. 

I am seeing professionals such as psychiatrist.  I have been committed two
times into a mental institution before they had find the right doses to defeat
my schizophrenia .

>The reason we lost contact is not due to your psychosis, or anything about
you, or anything that you said or did. I simply got >too busy doing other
things, and lost contact with other people besides you. I'm not very good at
keeping up with email >correspondence. I'd lose my head if it wasn't screwed
on. Your apology is definitely accepted, and wasn't necessary in the first
>place. 

Thank you for accepting my apology…

>Take care, and I wish you all the best. I'll hopefully see you on this
newsgroup again sometime
I am visiting it on a daily basis now I have found you
--- SBBSecho 2.20-Win32
 * Origin: Time Warp of the Future BBS - Home of League 10 (1:340/400)