From: Matthew Vincent 

On Monday, 27 May 2013 20:48:09 UTC+12, JWK4EVER  wrote:
>I am looking for Matthew Vincent, he was a friend 
>of me at Usenet but due to my psychosis several 
>years ago we have lost contact. He had to endure 
>my delusional tantrums in email and I want to 
>apologize to him. 

Hello Jan-Willem, 

I still read this newsgroup occasionally, but not very often. I'm preoccupied
with other matters right now, and have a very busy schedule. Also, I have
Aspergers, which impairs my organisation and time management. 

It's nice to see you again. I hope you are well. I didn't feel offended or
bothered by anything you said in email. I'm guessing that you have sometimes
been rejected by other people in social situations in the past, and that you
feel confused about why this is. So, you're left wondering what's OK to say and
 what isn't. Social situations must feel like an invisible minefield to you,
and this must be a tough burden to live with. You are very brave and strong to
continue trying your best in the face of all this. 

You don't need to feel so guilty and apologetic all the time. You're a good
person and you contribute positively to the world around you. You try your best
 in the face of difficult circumstances that are beyond your control. There are
 plenty of selfish jerks around, and you're not one of them. That janitor you
told me about seems like a nasty bully and a prize idiot. 

Here is my case formulation of you, as of last we talked, which admittedly was
several years ago. You most likely meet criteria for an Axis II delusional
disorder, as your psychiatrist(s) diagnosed you with. An Axis II disorder is
generally less severe than an Axis I disorder. You don't meet criteria for
schizophrenia, which involves delusions, hallucinations and disordered
thinking. You only have delusions, and those delusions that you have are not
severe in intensity. Your logical understanding of causality is not impaired,
but you sometimes engage in delusions as a defence mechanism to protect your
self-esteem and manage core identity issues. 

Psychiatrists often speak of "delusional guilt". My interpretation of
delusional guilt is that it typically involves a negative schema, combined with
 an impairment in your ability to use rational evidence to counter the negative
 thoughts you've had about yourself. 

Your IQ seems to be above average (tests can measure it more precisely), and
you're smart enough to learn more than one language. Your vocabulary in
English, which isn't your first language, is pretty good. Your ability to
understand the world around you does not seem to be impaired, except for your
negative self-image and delusions pertaining to yourself and your core
identity. The Babylon 5 questions, such as "Who are you?" and "What do you
want" are worth considering. They're not easy questions to answer. It's painful
 to be yourself, so you use delusions as a form of escapism. 

Last we talked, you were comfortable and perhaps even enthusiastic about
receiving help and support in this newsgroup. Consequently, I'm assuming that
you're consenting to hearing the above material publicly. Please accept my
apologies in the event that this assumption of mine was inaccurate. 

It's pretty quiet in here these days, and I'm not going to be around much.
That's why I figured I'd give you this formulation now, for you to take away
with you if you wish. I'd like to be clear that nothing I say to you online can
 take the place of formal therapy in "real life" in your local area. So, if
you're seeing professionals such as a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist,
please be guided by them. If you wish to print out this post of mine and show
it to a professional you're seeing locally, please feel free to do so. 

The reason we lost contact is not due to your psychosis, or anything about you,
 or anything that you said or did. I simply got too busy doing other things,
and lost contact with other people besides you. I'm not very good at keeping up
 with email correspondence. I'd lose my head if it wasn't screwed on. Your
apology is definitely accepted, and wasn't necessary in the first place. 

Take care, and I wish you all the best. I'll hopefully see you on this
newsgroup again sometime. 

Kind regards, 
Matthew 


--- Internet Rex 2.31
 * Origin: Deep Thought (1:2320/101)