From: dancetimedj@hotmail.com   
      
   Jokes - eh!   
   CHUCKLES FOR MATURE   
   COUPLES AND OTHERS .....   
      
      
   My husband and I divorced over religious differences.   
   He thought he was God, and I didn't.   
   ----------------------------------------------------------------------   
   Marriage is a three-ring circus:   
   Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.   
   ----------------------------------------------------------------------   
   For Sale :   
   Wedding Dress, size 8   
   Worn once by mistake.   
   ---------------------------------------------------------------------   
   There are two times when a man   
   doesn't understand a woman:   
   Before marriage and after marriage.   
   ----------------------------------------------------------------------   
   Why were hurricanes usually named after women?   
   Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but   
   when they go, they take your house and car.   
   ----------------------------------------------------------------------   
   The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove   
   seemed way too qualified for the job.   
   'Look Miss,' said the foreman, 'have you any actual   
   experience in picking lemons?'   
   'Well, as a matter if fact, yes!' she replied.? 'I've   
   been divorced three times.'   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can   
   remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.   
   The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me   
   the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'   
   The old man says without hesitation,   
   'I now pronounce you man and wife.'   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:   
   All the DNA is the same.   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.   
   Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me   
   had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart   
   piled high with groceries.   
   Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman   
   to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly,   
   'So which six items would you like to buy?'   
   Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant,   
   my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would   
   be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both   
   90 years old,' the husband said . 'We may not have 45 minutes.'   
   They were seated immediately.   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected   
   is that they would hate to have to make a living   
   under the laws they've passed.   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father   
   escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar   
   and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father   
   and placed something in his hand.   
   The guests in the front pews responded with ripples   
   of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.   
   As her father gave her away in marriage,   
   the bride gave him back his credit card.   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   Women and cats will do as they please,   
   and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.   
   --------------------------------------------------------------- --------   
   Three friends from the local congregation were asked,   
   'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members   
   are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'   
   Artie said: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband,   
   a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'   
   Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher   
   and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'   
   Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close   
   enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord..   
   'God, what does a million years mean to you?'   
   The Lord replies, 'A minute.'   
   Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars   
   mean to you?' The Lord replies, 'A penny.'   
   Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'   
   The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   A man goes to a shrink and says,   
   'Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.   
   Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.   
   In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.   
   What do you think I should do?'   
   'Relax,' says the Doctor, 'take a deep breath and calm down.   
   Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?'   
   -------------------------------------------------------------------   
   John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.   
   'Give me one last request, dear,' he said.   
   'Of course, John,' his wife said softly. 'Six months   
   after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'   
   'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.   
   With his last breath John said, 'I do!'   
   ----------------------------------------------------------------------   
   A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible   
   is happening and I have to talk to you about it.'   
   The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'   
   The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'   
   The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'   
   The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain   
   she's poisoning me, what should I do?'   
   The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to   
   her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'   
   A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says,   
   'Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the   
   phone for three hours. You want my advice?'   
   The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,   
   'Take the poison.'   
      
      
   Rasta  (AKA Tom)   
      
   Dancetime DJ Services - (902) 471-2497   
   Weddings-Private Parties-Banquets-Karaoke   
   http://www.geocities.com/dancetimedjservices/   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)