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PID: Synchronet 3.20a-Win32 master/4985797d2 May  9 2023 MSC 1929
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Janis,

 JK> Sorry if I've been a little absent fido-wise but it is awfully hard to
 JK> deal with this.  She is still so kissy and sweet natured.

  To many people, their pets are their kids. I've been there, done that, 
with the dachshunds my wife and I had during our marriage. Today (May 18)
would've been my 20th wedding anniversary, had she lived. :'(
   
  The first time I met her, she had a female dachsund...a real b!+ch ,
because she pooped on my shoe. :P It's a good thing the relationship did
not end there, but that dog was obviously jealous of her Momma. :)
 
  The dachshund Janice had a few years later, was a male named Fritz...and 
he fell in love with me on first sight (tail wagging, licking, etc.). The 
day before I proposed to her, I had gone to her apartment for a visit...and 
she asked me if I wanted to take the weiner widget for a walk. Now, he had 
one of those retractable leashes, which I *ORIGINALLY* thought were great;
let the dog go into the poop filled grass, and let me stay on the sidewalk.
 
  Well, I was holding the leash in front of my groin...that was my first 
mistake. Somehow, the leash came off his collar, retracted at full speed,
and "popped me in the most vulnerable area" (can you say "nuts" to that??
I knew you could ). I fell to the ground in pain, and she had gone 
inside the apartment, not knowing what had just happened. When she realized 
that I didn't go in with the dog, she came out, and was horrified to see me 
down on the ground (the dachshund had then jumped on the "jewels", and the 
look on his face was to ask "is something wrong??". My thought was "What do
you think, Junior??!!" :P
 
  She helped me inside, now in moderate to severe pain, and I thought that
I was in mortal danger, as males can bleed to death from an injury in that
area. So, I embarrassingly had her "take a look", thinking that she'd drop
me like a hot rock. I asked her "Do you think any less of me??", and she
replied "I give you credit for your common sense. I would've called 911 if
I had seen blood". I knew, right then, that THIS was the girl I was going
to marry...and proposed to her 2 days later.

  One night though, she was asleep on the Futon, and he was at her feet,
with me next to her. Fritz must've thought I was going to hurt her, and
he started growling, and coming after me, showing his teeth, in attack 
mode. It was like you flipped a light switch, as if The Lord told her
"Your husband is about to die at the hands of your dachshund". She sprang
up, and screamed "FRITZ!! NO!!". I backed up, as he was heading right for
my face, and popped him on his butt as he jumped off the Futon, still
growling and snarling. 

  Now, this woman, who was dead to the world just seconds earlier...is
now moving as if Satan and the whole demonic hordes of Hell, are after
her...screaming "In your carrier!! Now!! Move it, lard ass!!" (one of
the very few times she used profanity). He nearly bit her, as she got
him in his carrier, and she snarled "Overgrown four legged sausage ball!!".
I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the police, as loud as she was
screaming, as if WE were fighting...it was the angriest that I ever saw 
her.

  I said to her "What would you have done if he had gotten to my face??".
Looking me dead in the eye, she said "First, I would've taken care of you.
Then, I would have killed me a dog. I will NOT let an animal rule me in my
own home!!".

  He must've understood that, as he then went absolutely ballistic in his 
carrier, barking, growling, snarling, and snapping for all he was worth.

  Janice looked at me sweetly and said "Excuse me, darling. I'll be right
back!!". She had fire in her eyes at that point...can you say "royally
pissed off??!!" .

  She calmly walked over to the carrier, grabbed the small water bottle,
and the high pitched training deal (she called it "Mister Blue Dude").
She pressed the button, and squirted him, and said "I can take it longer
than you can, Fatso!!". That stopped him momentarily, and she walked back
to me on the Futon. Well, he still had his tail in a wad , and it did
not take long for him to start up again. She raised her finger, as if to 
say "Just a moment", and she walked back to his carrier, and did it again.

  Sadly, he became diabetic (quite common on older dogs), resistant to the
insulin, and he went blind from glaucoma and cataracts. The poor thing was
suffering, and we knew that "the only humane thing to do" was to have him
put down. I cried like a baby for 15 minutes as I walked out of the vet
clinic, but she was there until he was gone.

  Three months later, we got a new dachshund that we named Slinky. But,
the first night we brought him home, I got hit with a severe attack of
gastrointeritis (nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain). We called
the ambulance, and took the dachshund to a neighbor. But,I re-homed Slinky
the day my wife died, 3 weeks shy of our 4th anniversary...and never got
another dachshund...because I couldn't afford it.

  I still follow "Crusoe, The Celebrity Dachshund" (search for that with
your favorite search engine). He also has several videos on YouTube, with
merchandise available for purchase.

Daryl

... A male dog is truly an S.O.B. -- and he acts like one, too!
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