-=> Quoting Damon Getsman to All on 27 Dec 13  10:44:59 <=-

 DG> I noticed a drive for people to restore dead echoes, and this one
 DG> came immediately to mind.  Not that it's totally dead, but I figured
 DG> I'd post a little something in here, being as it's a relatively rare
 DG> area of expertise in current [USA] society.

Dunno how many people are still keeping an eye on this echo for any
activity... but I'm still here...  not a single father (obviously) nor
even a single mom... married with one grown son, no grandkids yet... 

 DG> I've been a single parent of a mixed race (mulatto) boy for over
 DG> six years now.  Our situation has been very far from normal; nothing
 DG> about it has been routine.
   (snip)
 DG> To make what is truly an epic story of military and legal
 DG> incompetence, heart-shredding drama, and personal agony bordering on
 DG> insanity a little bit shorter, I'm going to summarize what happened
 DG> here.  Unless, of course, y'all would like a little bit more
 DG> information on these matters. 

Quite the tale as it is... and, I'm sure, quite the wild ride for you...
and I don't mean that to be at all derogatory... 

 DG> I went out to see her and help with my son one more time, but
 DG> these difficulties were starting to tear us apart (along with the
 DG> internal demon gnawing at my gray matter and telling me that maybe she
 DG> wasn't the woman I thought that she was, with the way that I now knew
 DG> she treated her children in high stress situations).
 DG> Our engagement fell apart.  I was able to obtain custody later on,
 DG> utilizing the very last of the money that I had squirreled away from
 DG> the army deployment, when her abuse because public knowledge and she
 DG> was reported to a German social worker (Jugendamt).  It took well over
 DG> $10k, and left me pretty close to absolutely penniless.
 DG> Eventually she married another soldier that was deployed there and
 DG> got her permanent trip to the states.  Now that she was here, due to a
 DG> clause in our international custody agreement, we had to have yet
 DG> another hurdle making sure that she wasn't going to be able to get my
 DG> son and do god knows what with him (she'd discussed middle school,
 DG> kidnapping him, all sorts of other fun things in the interim).

There are some definitely scary parts to this as well.. She certainly
doesn't seem like a particularly wonderful person, or much of a
mother... 

 DG> I'm interested in hearing the stories behind how others have become
 DG> single fathers, and what kind of influence it has had on their lives.  

I hope there are others reading that will jump in and share their
stories... that, among other aspects of being dads, was one of the
reasons for this echo to exist...  :)

 DG> I know that if I wouldn't have gotten my son, the insanity of
 DG> not knowing he was safe, and the drunken calls from his mother, may
 DG> have well killed me.  I'm pretty sure that they would have, honestly.
 DG> My son has become the rock in my life that has provided me the
 DG> stability to work for something to permanently better myself that I've
 DG> needed all of my life.  Every day, no matter how tired I am after
 DG> trying to do what I need to for our survival, I sit down with him and
 DG> answer any and every question that he has to the fullest extent that I
 DG> can.  I try to explain everything to him, and to keep that thirst and
 DG> curiosity to know how the world works alive with him.  I want him to be
 DG> able not to aspire to the level of my shoulders, but to be able to
 DG> start there and go as high as he would like in his life. People
 DG> seem to judge me on this, though.  I mean, some of the comments are
 DG> kind of cute, especially from teeny-boppers going through the mall and
 DG> the like.  Saying things like 'awww, I want a mixed baby,' although
 DG> that does strike me as objectifying a child of another race a little
 DG> bit.  When it comes right down to my role as a single father, though,
 DG> people seem surprised when they watch my son and I long enough and they
 DG> noticed that I am a single father who _cares_ and is taking time to
 DG> attend to everything that he needs.  Some people still just assume that
 DG> he'll end up broken. 

Even kids raised in "normal", two-parent, secure homes can end up
broken... sometimes it has less to do with the raising, and more to do
with the person him/herself...  But a child being lovingly raised even
by just one parent can grow up to be a really well put-together person. 

 DG> I'd like to hear other people's comments,
 DG> ideas, feedback, and most of all, if there are any single fathers
 DG> around and reading this, I'd love to hear your stories.

I think you are doing a wonderful job, from what you've said... I give
you lots of credit for taking the responsibility for your son, and for
fighting for him and for his well-being.  He's got a lot going for him
with you as his dad.  :) 

I almost wish I was a single dad, to have a story to share with you...
but as I'm not, I'll just hope that there are some others around to jump
in and offer their tales... :)  But I'll still be around, to talk with
you (or anyone else around)...  ;)

 DG> Best wishes & happy new year to everyone!

And the same to you and yours...  :)

ttyl        neb

... A geological specimen in motion accumulates no deposits of lichen.
--- Blue Wave/DOS v2.20
 * Origin: The Holodeck BBS  holo.homeip.net (1:261/1381)