Re: Re: Male Single Parenting - Views by Peers and Agencies
  By: Nancy Backus to Damon Getsman on Sat Dec 28 2013 15:25:33

 NB> Dunno how many people are still keeping an eye on this echo for any
 NB> activity... but I'm still here...  not a single father (obviously) nor
 NB> even a single mom... married with one grown son, no grandkids yet... 

  Any feedback in this area whatsoever is totally appreciated.  I've got a
couple of friends that are single parents, or parents in general, but not more
than a handful.  I've got a pretty sparse handful of friends altogether,
actually, and that constraint makes it even smaller.  I've got precisely one
friend who I think is a 'good' parent, on top of it.  So any feedback, advice,
or ideas, even moral support that I can get from another has a significant
weight for me.  It's been a hell of a struggle, and sometimes I really wonder
how I am able to keep one foot going in front of another, especially when we're
homeless and rejected by the only local family that we have right now.  Hell,
even our cat, the one that protected us from danger by being our early alert
system when we had to camp offroad in the hills of Missouri for lack of money
for a motel, is in need of medical treatment that we can't afford, and it may
well be cancer, which will mean losing yet another constant in his life at such
an early age.

 NB> Quite the tale as it is... and, I'm sure, quite the wild ride for you...
 NB> and I don't mean that to be at all derogatory... 

  It has been.  I'm pretty sure it's driven me past the boundary of where sane
meets batshit loony a few times, when I didn't know how he was doing in the
hands of an irresponsible and crazed mother a whole ocean away.

 NB> There are some definitely scary parts to this as well.. She certainly
 NB> doesn't seem like a particularly wonderful person, or much of a
 NB> mother... 

  Yeah, it was a really tough way to begin to learn much more about the art of
judging people for the right qualities, and to pay much, much less attention to
superficial qualities.

 NB> I hope there are others reading that will jump in and share their
 NB> stories... that, among other aspects of being dads, was one of the
 NB> reasons for this echo to exist...  :)

  Me too!  This is a really wonderful place; this particular niche in, at least
American, society is horrifically unaddressed, along with other gender skewed
venues such as male victims of domestic abuse, and the like.

 NB> Even kids raised in "normal", two-parent, secure homes can end up
 NB> broken... sometimes it has less to do with the raising, and more to do
 NB> with the person him/herself...  But a child being lovingly raised even
 NB> by just one parent can grow up to be a really well put-together person. 

  For sure.  I just had an incident tonight...  The people that're giving us a
place to stay right now have 6 other kids.  I'm an only child, and my son, at
least beyond the age of 18 months, has been an only child.  I have always done
a lot better, socially, in a very small group, or much more preferable, a
one-on-one setting.  He's the same way.  In this big group the 'Lord of the
Flies' mentality takes over, as it does with all kids, and there is a revolving
target that lands on each of them periodically where the kids make fun of each
other.  When it lands on him, and someone makes fun of him for something, he
takes it much more personally than the others.  I'm overprotective of that.  It
took my good friend pointing out to me tonight that I couldn't see it because
I'd been raised as an only kid (as he had, as well), but that type of
experience is what hardens somebody to be able to bounce back in larger group
social situations.  I've always been at a loss in life because of not knowing
what to do in those situations, and taking things so deeply and personally; I
hope that he's not too old to learn how to have it make him stronger.

 NB> I think you are doing a wonderful job, from what you've said... I give
 NB> you lots of credit for taking the responsibility for your son, and for
 NB> fighting for him and for his well-being.  He's got a lot going for him
 NB> with you as his dad.  :) 

  I have my faults, but he's saved my life, so I'm definitely focused on trying
to make his as good as it can be, with whatever conditions the future world
might hold.  Thank you.  :)

 NB> I almost wish I was a single dad, to have a story to share with you...
 NB> but as I'm not, I'll just hope that there are some others around to jump
 NB> in and offer their tales... :)  But I'll still be around, to talk with
 NB> you (or anyone else around)...  ;)

  I do believe there was another unread message in this echo after the one that
I'm now replying to, so hopefully there are more.  :)
  Thanks again.  :)

    --Damo dice, "Perhaps today IS a good day to die!"
--- SBBSecho 2.24-OpenBSD
 * Origin: TTBBS-telnet bismaninfo.hopto.org 8023 (1:14/0) (1:282/1057)