Re: Re: Male Single Parenting
  By: Daryl Stout to Nancy Backus on Sun Dec 29 2013 01:00:04

 DS>  Chicken pox at 20 ruined fathering kids for me. It put me in the
 DS>  hospital for a week, and out of work at a local restaurant, and out of
 DS>  class at the local college for 2 months, by order of the health
 DS>  department. The only "son" my late wife and I had was a
 DS>  "dachshund"...see tagline below.

  Wasn't aware that chicken pox could do that, actually.  That's kind of a
shame.  :(  Well, I mean I think it is, anyway.  I know that having my son
goaded a change and a level of responsibility/maturity that I wouldn't have
been able to attain without him, as well as a level of compassion that I
would've never gotten to.  I have some friends who choose to remain childfree,
and I totally respect that opinion, but at the same time I can tell that they
haven't had those changes in outlook that I have.  It really adds a whole new
facet to humanity and the evolution of the self, I believe.  It's definitely a
small, crowded world, though, and if everybody were reproducing that would only
make things worse.  Still, I think that things would be a _little_ bit better,
maybe, if everybody were to have that added level of selflessness that becoming
a parent added to most of the people that I've seen have children.
  Then again, I've seen people have children, continue partying their socks
off, and let their infant die due to neglect/malnutrition over the course of a
really long binge.  Well, not personally seen, thank god (I'd be incarcerated
for a murder charge pretty quick if I were to personally see something like
that, I'm sure), but read about it in the newspaper.  So obviously there are
people that are completely immune to the effects that I've seen on myself and
some others.

 DS>  With some people, their pets are their kids...and discipline is
 DS>  important with both.

  Absolutely.  I knew I was in for a bad stretch in life when I was a kid and I
saw that the dog I got my mother actually trained her instead of her being able
to train it.  ;)
  Seriously, though, that happened.  I've written extensively about the
mistakes of my parents, and how I've managed to do fairly well-- at least _I_
think-- learning from primarily negative examples.  I really should've caught
my mom's dog training her on video the last time I spent time there, before the
dementia made a relationship with her completely impossible.

 DS>  The peer pressure nowadays is horrendous...and I thought it was bad when
 DS>  I was growing up!!

  Ack.  I dunno, I just moved out of the projects here; it was terrible there,
much worse, like you're saying, than when I was a kid.  I'm really hoping that
it's not quite as severe now that I'm in a better area of town, though.  Gonna
keep my fingers crossed on that one.

 DS>  Whether a single Dad or a single Mom, it still is a big responsibility.
 DS>  Even married, it's still a responsibility. Sadly, nowadays, most kids
 DS>  think a relationship and committment is measured in seconds, not
 DS>  decades. I've heard of cases where they got married Friday night, and
 DS>  were in divorce court on Monday. :(

  Tell me about it.  I'm still licking wounds from my last relationship.  She
taught me a hell of a lot about how to be a much better human being, how not to
judge on stupid superficial qualities, and all kinds of other important things.
I learned to be a better man because of her.  Then I committed to her.  Less
than three weeks later she dumped me.  I still don't know why.  After dating
for over a year.  It's karmic retribution for the way I was in my teens and
twenties, I know that much, but i really hope it's done with soon.  I'd like my
son to have a [step-] mother in his life, too, especially once I'm employed
full time again.  He's had way too much flux in his life, I want him (and
myself) to have something that we can count on, and I've never had a stable
family-- ever-- my parents sure as hell weren't a family.

  Best wishes and a happy new year to ye!

    --Damo dice, "Perhaps today IS a good day to die!"
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