-=> Quoting Damon Getsman to Daryl Stout on 31 Dec 13  22:46:50 <=-

 DS>  Chicken pox at 20 ruined fathering kids for me. It put me in the
 DS>  hospital for a week, and out of work at a local restaurant, and out of
 DS>  class at the local college for 2 months, by order of the health

 DG> Wasn't aware that chicken pox could do that, actually. 

Mumps at that age or older has that rep...  I suppose that if one ran a
very high temp with chicken pox (or measles, for that matter) one could
have various things be affected.  Childhood diseases do tend to be worse
on adults that get them... one reason my mom tried to make sure I got
the measles by making me stay in close contact with a younger sibling
that did have them... I never did get measles, of any sort, so
apparently I have a natural immunity there...  :)

 DG> That's kind of a shame.  :(  Well, I mean I think it is, anyway.  I
 DG> know that having my son goaded a change and a level of responsibility/
 DG> maturity that I wouldn't have been able to attain without him, as well
 DG> as a level of compassion that I would've never gotten to.  I have some
 DG> friends who choose to remain childfree, and I totally respect that
 DG> opinion, but at the same time I can tell that they haven't had those
 DG> changes in outlook that I have.  It really adds a whole new facet to
 DG> humanity and the evolution of the self, I believe.  It's definitely a
 DG> small, crowded world, though, and if everybody were reproducing that
 DG> would only make things worse.  Still, I think that things would be a
 DG> _little_ bit better, maybe, if everybody were to have that added level
 DG> of selflessness that becoming a parent added to most of the people that
 DG> I've seen have children. Then again, I've seen people have children,
 DG> continue partying their socks off, and let their infant die due to
 DG> neglect/malnutrition over the course of a really long binge.  Well, not
 DG> personally seen, thank god (I'd be incarcerated for a murder charge
 DG> pretty quick if I were to personally see something like that, I'm
 DG> sure), but read about it in the newspaper.  So obviously there are
 DG> people that are completely immune to the effects that I've seen on
 DG> myself and some others.

Yup...  no easy answers...  ;)  I agree that having a child to be
responsible for can kick up one's maturity level... as long as one
accepts that responsibility...  :)  And similar situations can produce
the same reponse... like being the oldest sibling suddenly totally
responsible for the younguns, due to some family catastrophe...  And
then there are those that one wonders why they had a child, since it
obviously is only a hindrance or an inconvenience to them... probably
were only thinking of some implied glamour or some such...

 DS>  The peer pressure nowadays is horrendous...and I thought it was bad
 DS>  when I was growing up!!

 DG> Ack.  I dunno, I just moved out of the projects here; it was
 DG> terrible there, much worse, like you're saying, than when I was a kid. 
 DG> I'm really hoping that it's not quite as severe now that I'm in a
 DG> better area of town, though.  Gonna keep my fingers crossed on that
 DG> one. 

In a better part of town, things probably won't be as much in your
face... but there may still be some issues... Just have to help your son
learn how to deal with peer pressure, and hope that he can make some
friends that can provide peer support...  I suspect things aren't that
much different from when I was growing up, or when we were raising our
son, but there seems to be less structured support for kids that want to
do the right thing... 

 DG> Tell me about it.  I'm still licking wounds from my last
 DG> relationship.  She taught me a hell of a lot about how to be a much
 DG> better human being, how not to judge on stupid superficial qualities,
 DG> and all kinds of other important things. I learned to be a better man
 DG> because of her.  Then I committed to her.  Less than three weeks later
 DG> she dumped me.  I still don't know why.  After dating for over a year. 

Some people are just more committed to the idea of commitment than they
are to actually handling real commitment...  My little brother married a
woman he'd been living with for a number of years beforehand, she'd been
pushing him to commit, and finally he came round, and they got married,
saying that nothing really would be different in their relationship. 
Less than 6 months later, she wanted out... he was devastated... turns
out the "non-issues" were more important than they were figuring... and
her friends treated her differently as a married woman rather than a
shacking-up one... go figure...

 DG> It's karmic retribution for the way I was in my teens and twenties, I
 DG> know that much, but i really hope it's done with soon.  I'd like my son
 DG> to have a [step-] mother in his life, too, especially once I'm
 DG> employed full time again.  He's had way too much flux in his life, I
 DG> want him (and myself) to have something that we can count on, and I've
 DG> never had a stable family-- ever-- my parents sure as hell weren't a
 DG> family. 

That certainly doesn't make it any easier for you, does it... ;0  If it
makes you feel any better, being without a mother is probably better for
him than having someone that isn't going to be a good mother to him...
you may be able to be that both mother and father to him that you are
doing now, and that might be best.  Of course, that's not saying that it
wouldn't be wonderful to find the right woman that would complete your
little family and fill in all sorts of gaps... while you do the same for
her...  :)

ttyl       neb

... Why do they keep moving my paperwork from the dining-room table?
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