-=> Quoting Damon Getsman to Nancy Backus on 08 Jan 14  21:42:43 <=-

 DG> Yeah I've heard of other systemic complications becoming more and
 DG> more common as age at onset of infection rises, but the reproductive
 DG> harm was a new one to me.  Gah.  I know I got it harder at 14 than most
 DG> any of the kids I know that got it during the single digits.  Thinking
 DG> back to how bad I had it, it must be pretty horrifying at later ages.

I think one of the main problems with getting these illnesses is that
they do tend to come with high fevers... and children are more able to
cope with high fevers than adults, physically...   But not everyone has
the same issues with them, even as adults...  :)

 DG> I always kind of knew that my priorities would get a dramatic reboot
 DG> for the better once I had someone relying on me..  I don't know, it
 DG> kind of sounds like a wrong reason, doing it for a reason outside of
 DG> myself, but I don't really know how else to explain it. 

Nothing wrong with doing something for someone else... or with being
focused outside just yourself.. in fact that can be part of maturity...

 DG> My priorities were screwed up waaaaay beyond the norm for those ages
 DG> between my early teens and late twenties.  At some point it became
 DG> almost a life or death situation to me; adding the 'almost' might
 DG> have just been an effort by me to pad how dire the situation was to
 DG> myself there, actually.  Regardless, it didn't happen immediately
 DG> upon my newly taken responsibility as a fulltime single father, but
 DG> the change started immediately, and it put me onto much more stable
 DG> ground very quickly. 

Given your unstable situation growing up, I'm not surprised that things
got pretty dire for you...  And getting past that, even in more 'normal'
situations, is almost always a growing process, not an overnight thing.
 
 DG> I remember some of the ones that you're talking about, purposely
 DG> getting pregnant in their early teens for reasons of 'implied
 DG> glamor'...  Never did understand it totally, although the idea had
 DG> some superficial attractions for me, as well.  

Lots of reasons, including having someone to love and be loved by... not
all of them totally bad reasons, but at that age not exactly the
smartest thing to be doing.  But I've seen it in older people, too... 

 DG> I'm glad I waited until I
 DG> did; any later and I probably would've ended up in the grave, any
 DG> earlier, and I probably wouldn't have given my child what he or she
 DG> would truly have deserved as far as opportunity and stability goes.

Hindsight is great, eh...?  Sometimes it's hard to really know what
might have been different, but what is, is what we have to deal with
now... :)

 DG> He's getting a crash course in that very well now.  We're at a place
 DG> that has 6 kids on most days, and 8 a few days a week when some of the
 DG> part-time custody kiddies are around.  :)  It's taking other people to

That sounds like it can get pretty crazy at times.... 

 DG> pull me aside and let him learn from the social interaction, instead of
 DG> wanting to always protect his feelings, but when they help me to
 DG> realize that he's developing social skills that were always above my
 DG> level, because I never experienced that or got used to it, well then
 DG> it's a little easier.  

Yup, he's learning useful skills.  Even if it turns out that he tends to
be somewhat of a loner anyway, it's good to figure out how to interact
with others when one has to... :)

 DG> I still can't function well in a room where
 DG> everybody pairs off and/or goes into small, little groups.  I'm fine
 DG> with one or two people, or doing speeches to a hundred people.  Throw
 DG> me into a party, though, and I'm doomed to be a wallflower.

I don't think that is an only child thing.... I have the same thing
happening... not good in party situations, do best one on one, can give
a speech to a large group if necessary...  ;)  And, as I said, I'm an
oldest of 8...  Still pretty introverted, unless there's a good reason
to come out of it...  ;)

 DG> Hrm...  This one really leads me to introspect...  Might be a little
 DG> while before I'm able to process and learn about my own self and what
 DG> exactly I need vs. what I want vs. what would be best for me on this. 
 DG> I've been struggling with that very issue, I think, since I was in my
 DG> very early teens, maybe even a little before that, as early on as it
 DG> may seem. 

Probably less important to figure out what you think you need/want or
would be best, and more important to be willing to do for someone else,
unselfishly...  think about how needing to be a good father has changed
how you deal with situations...  :)  Relationships are a give-and-take
situation, and should end up being win-win for both, at least most of
the time.  Which is not to say everything will always be perfect... ;)

 DG> I certainly hope that I meet the right woman some day, but I also hope
 DG> it's at a time when I am able to devote 100% to that woman.  Right now
 DG> I think that's out of my grasp.  I just keep expecting everything to go
 DG> bad, after all the years of knives in the back and other treachery. 

Expectations can be funny things... ;)  Have to be careful not to let
the expectation of bad things happening keep you from doing what you
could be doing, or rose-colored glasses keep you from seeing the
situation as it really is...  ;)  Relationships get built on small
things, little things in common that build into something bigger... :) 
Openness and commitment (two bugaboo words ) are pretty important,
too...  :)

 DG> Not that all of it has been at me; I won't lie, more than a little of
 DG> it has come _from_ me, as well.  :(  I'm keeping my fingers crossed,
 DG> and in the meantime, I shall continue to work on myself.  Which is a
 DG> struggle every day, as I'm presented with unending and repetitive
 DG> examples of people that are just _perfect_ for pointing my finger at. 
 DG> ;) 

Well, yeah... you'll always see them around.... ;)   And have to deal
with them, difficult as they are...  :)  And learn to just be a better
person than the bad examples all around...  

 DG> Thank you, for this whole discussion.  It is really nice to be
 DG> able to talk about some of these things.
 DG> Peace & namaste.

No problem... it's being part of a community...  :)  And one does need
to talk out some things, to keep from exploding... ;)

ttyl        neb

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