-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 08-06-14  11:14 <=-

 DAG> Whoops I just went back to the quote buffer and realized that I
 DAG> already said some on this.  :P

Yup... ;)   
 
 NB>> Lots of history there, to make you what you are now...  no doubt also on
 NB>> her side...  What one makes out of it is the question... :)

 DAG> That is precisely the point that I'm working to get to.  For a long
 DAG> time I was grieving, _hard_.  I don't remember ever going through that
 DAG> in a relationship before.  It wasn't just her this time, though.  I
 DAG> mean, like I said, I was a member of that whole family this time
 DAG> around.  Her father's last friend died while I was there; she takes
 DAG> care of him.  I became his last friend, and right now I can't even call
 DAG> him to try to be a decent person, because I can't stop thinking of HER
 DAG> if I do it; my heartrate goes up to 150+, and I have a massive anxiety
 DAG> attack. 

That's a tough situation.  Especially since to talk to him, you'd likely
have to talk to her...  Even when you are the one that had to cause the
break, it doesn't make it any easier... one still may grieve the loss...

 DAG> I'm trying to make sure that I'm working on myself in all of
 DAG> this.  I can only change me, and obviously (due to a lot of things that
 DAG> I didn't mention here; signs I should have paid attention to, despite
 DAG> her contrary words to what they were showing) I need to learn to not
 DAG> ignore characteristics of this sort.  Plus I need to learn that maybe I
 DAG> shouldn't be so hurt by somebody that has these characteristics. 

Yeah... sometimes it's a case of realizing that that is the way someone
is, and that there wasn't anything you could have done to make things
easier on yourself, short of never having started the relationship...
not only in romantic type relationships either, I should add...

 NB>> Sometimes it's pretty hard to ascertain that there is that active
 NB>> deception, of course...  One to some extent has to accept people as
 NB>> they present themselves... but there is also certainly the need for
 NB>> discernment and not being too gullible...  :)  A balancing act, to
 NB>> be sure...  :)

 DAG> Well, yeah.  She was slipping up with things that proved it, though,
 DAG> and I glossed over them because I thought she was honest about working
 DAG> on these issues.  Then again, there were things that proved this to be
 DAG> inaccurate, too.  I tried to resurrect our original agreement, that we
 DAG> were there for each other through thick and thin, to carefully bring up
 DAG> to each other things that might've been in each others' blind spots,
 DAG> and to improve ourselves together to be the best parents, soulmates,
 DAG> and people that we could be. 

Apparently she wasn't being completely truthful about agreeing to the
original setup, either... or hadn't really been honest to herself what
that might have meant, being played out in real life...  :)

 NB>> Yeah... I think that's where we left off...  ;)   Seems that craziness
 NB>> in one form or another seems to follow you around...  

 DAG> I have Loki on my shoulder, or some other type of more form-fitted
 DAG> Personal Malevolent Diety(tm).  My friends are usually pretty amazed,
 DAG> especially after the past year, of how these things follow me.  Of
 DAG> course, that brings to mind the point that everywhere I go, there I am.
 DAG> Is the malevolent diety on my shoulder, or in my head?  It's important
 DAG> to keep self-aware and engage in self-analysis whenever possible, in
 DAG> order to avoid a martyrdom complex that has no basis in reality.  I owe
 DAG> more than that to my son. 

Or for that matter, to avoid a persecution complex, or a doomed
mentality...  There might be things that you inadvertantly do that make
some of the craziness more likely to happen, but it could just as well
be the fact that this world, as it exists now, is by no means a perfect
one, and things happen... 

 DAG> My biological sister is someone that I won't associate with.  When
 DAG> you're smoking more than several grams of meth a day, you're usually
 DAG> hurting, even if you're trying to help.  Plus, the way I saw her
 DAG> treating her kids...  Blatant emotional neglect.  My son doesn't need
 DAG> to be around _any_ of that.  

If she's that addicted, at least some of the emotional neglect is
probably the drugs and what they are doing to her...  But still, as you
say, not a good place for your son to be, all around.

 DAG> My biological mother offered up her home to my son and I, and then
 DAG> was evicted due to the landlord putting in a parking lot instead. Then
 DAG> her husband was fired from a job as a manager of a large hardware
 DAG> chain's store in his area.  It appears that perhaps this diety that
 DAG> follows me has a bit of affection for my biological family. 

Certainly a bad run of circumstances for them, too...  Hope things get
better for them, as well as for you...

 NB>> I'm a little slow in responding lately... but it appears that your life
 NB>> is pretty hectic too...  here's your reminder...  

 DAG> *grin*  Yeah I've got to go take care of a few more things.  On a
 DAG> very good note, I've been able to play double dutch with the ropes of
 DAG> red tape that've been binding me for a few days, now, and I'm finally
 DAG> with an insured vehicle again, 

That's good progress... :)

 DAG> and hopefully getting TANF in lieu of the child support that I've
 DAG> never gotten from my son's mother very soon here.

Hope that works out fine...  :)

 DAG> I'm off to play some more red tape jumprope.  :)  Looking
 DAG> forward to your reply.

A little tardy, again, but at least here...    So what about those
indoor lightning storms...??   (Oh, and btw, for the time being, I'm
restricted to short subject lines, all my sources of BW doors having
evaporated, and having to use QWK in my BW reader, hence short subjects
from this end, and long subjects coming in being truncated badly...

ttyl         neb

... First law of Genealogy :  Nothing is more shocking than the truth !

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