Re: Re: Updates on intermittently transient living for 2 years w/son
  By: Nancy Backus to Damon A. Getsman on Thu Feb 12 2015 01:12:38

 NB> It's an indication that you /are/ doing something right, when other
 NB> people notice...  :)

  It always seems to be when he's asking incessant questions, and I'm taking
the time to answer them all, without talking down to him, and explaining the
parts that he has more questions on.  :)  My parents never did that for me, so
I've tried to not make the same mistake, though it's taken a bit to make sure
he understands that sometimes (ie sleep time) is not for incessant questions
about everthing.  *grin*

 NB> We're never able to do everything we know is needed... all we can do is
 NB> the best we can...  :)  And no need to waste energy worrying about what
 NB> we can't do, just need to look for what we can do...  :)  And, where
 NB> possible, find others to help fill in the lacks...  :)

  That last part is what I was gonna say.  People that can help point out what
might lay in my blind spots have been invaluable to my personal development.  I
wish more people could learn to value that, instead of run in horror from it. 
You're right, though.  I need to learn to get that ghost of d4m0 past crap to
stop flogging myself with once I've learned from things and moved on.  It's my
main reason for meditation.
 
 NB> Well, perhaps that can be a lesson for both of you... ;)  One /should/
 NB> be careful with one's language anyway, but especially around kids, who
 NB> tend to be little parrots...  You maybe could talk with him about when
 NB> it is and when it isn't appropriate to use such language... 

  I've been doing that.  I've let him be too lose around the house, where I've
[in the past] said that it's okay, as long as it's me and him, and he doesn't
use it too much.  He got in the habit of using that language when he was
frustrated, and I warned him it'd bite him, and it did.  Heh.  I'll learn to
give the when & where talk along with a bit more discretion about letting 'em
get away with it at home if I ever have another go around at this.  As it is,
things have cracked down a bit, but he usually sticks to the appropriate areas
very well.  The main reason I was so loose is because I'm so damn loose with
the tongue, and I don't like to be a hypocrite...  We're working on it together
now.  :)
 
 NB> Fortunately it isn't often taken to the farthest extremes it might be...
 NB> and as I noted before, many of these activities are some sort of group
 NB> activity so it isn't exactly isolation...

  Whoa I totally forgot what this is about.  I didn't quote enough.
  Ah, the helicopter parenting.  You're right, it isn't total isolation, but a
lot of times I think that kids need _unstructured_ time to avoid becoming
pressure cookers.  I dunno, just my opinion on it.

 NB> Sometimes it takes a sort of discipline to keep from going there... but
 NB> it becomes easier with practice...  Not to say that there won't still be
 NB> times that the mind wanders down those paths again... but one can bring
 NB> it back instead of wallowing in the bygones..  :)

  Ah I jumped the gun on the meditation bit.  It helps me a lot in this area;
I'm able to settle my mind when it goes to these places...  Unless I've had too
much caffeine.  Another area for me to be improving, no doubt!
  It's getting a lot better but I still find that a lot of times, unless I'm
actively engaged in meditation, I forget that I need to be consciously letting
go of that crap when it comes up.  When I finally realize that I've been
fulminating and flogging myself I realize I've been in that state for waaaay
too long already.  Still, like meditation, it's just not getting frustrated
about it, and letting the thought water flow around it, without hanging on to
it...  It takes practice, another day another few seconds of peace...  I'm
getting there.  ;)

 NB> Now that's good timing... ;) 

  It was!  He just got the dragonlance e-books downloaded on it tonight, too. 
:D

 NB> Yeah, tell the good things, too... ;)

  Well, he had an outstanding performance at his school tonight.  I'm just
starting to get the video ready to pass around to relatives and the like.  I've
got to hand it to this school, they've done a musical/play that absolutely blew
out of the water anything I've seen before.  It was amazing, and I learned so
much about one of my favorite places to run...  Lone Fir cemetary.  Had no idea
that Madonna filmed a video there.  *laugh*  But seriously, the amount of
history that they had in this play featured all around the cemetary, and the
bits about keeping people alive through the memory of them, almost made me mist
up a few times.  It was really amazing!
  I have other good things to write, but this has taken too long to get off
already.  :)  My next response shall be thoroughly peppered with good things
that have gone on lately.  I think the #1 that I'm thinking about right now is
that we've been here about 7 months, and both him and I have each been sick at
least a half a dozen times apiece.  It's been weeks now, though, and I think
maybe we've finally gotten the full collection of antibodies to this area, so
maybe (keep yr fingers crossed) we're able to go out and face the world without
getting knocked back every few weeks into it now.  ;)  I was really worried
with him missing 16 days of school this year due to illness; I hope that things
don't happen again like that, it was causing some serious academic issues for
awhile.
  Best wishes & more soon!  How's your life been?  :)

  -Damon
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