Re: Re: Updates on intermittently transient living for 2 years w/son
  By: Nancy Backus to Damon A. Getsman on Sun Mar 01 2015 01:25:00

 NB> Kids can be opportunists, for sure..  ;)   But having that openness is
 NB> so crucial to helping our kids grow up... And if they know that we can
 NB> and will answer questions, they don't have to go elsewhere to find
 NB> answers... and hopefully thereby avoid some of the pitfalls...

  I've always thought so.  One of the biggest mistakes that screwed me over in
ways that still occasionally hurt me to this day is the fact that my parents
kept everything a secret from me.  Absolutely everything.  They were always too
tired to explain things, too.  I've tried to make sure I never repeat those
mistakes.  I may've gone to the other extreme, but I don't think it's as bad as
throwing a kid to the wolves when he's 17 and has no place to go or no money to
his name (because of not letting him work).

 NB>>> where possible, find others to help fill in the lacks...  :)
 DAG>> That last part is what I was gonna say.  People that can help point
 DAG>> out what might lay in my blind spots have been invaluable to my
 DAG>> personal development.  

 NB> I was more thinking of people that could supply some of what your son
 NB> needs that you aren't able to necessarily supply... like the wonderful
 NB> couple at our church that filled in as sorta "foster parents" to our son
 NB> during his turbulent teen years... they made it so that there were other
 NB> stable adults in his life to model, and that he knew cared about him. 
 NB> We were still able to talk with him, even then, but it was very nice to
 NB> know that there were others that had our back, and that also cared about
 NB> our son...  ;)

  Oh there are people helping out.  I don't have much of a support net here
yet, though.  I really do need to make some good friends who, hopefully, have a
few in their number that have kids, or are good with them, and are truly good
people.  I meet people so slowly, though, at least in this yuppie neighborhood,
that it's a little discouraging.  I'd love for him to have role models behind
myself, though.  I keep hoping he'll get some friends with good, successful,
and altruistic parents.  I had a few friends like that when I was a kid, and
though my own parents went out of their way to shelter me to extremes, they saw
that and compensated by trying to show me what effort and experience were
worth, and made sure that I at least got some.  They felt bad for me.  I hope
that it's not a situation just like this with my son, obviously, but I miss the
few friends he had who would have him over for dinner with successful, and good
parenting influence, kinds of people at times.

 NB> But, yes... filling in that sort of lack (for you rather than your son)
 NB> is a good thing, too...  ;)  Admitting that one does need help, either
 NB> for one's self or for one's charges, can be difficult, admittedly... :)
 NB> And getting past the old crap in one's life often needs a little help,
 NB> too... at least in the form of support, and helpful advice...  :)

  I'm all about looking into the blind spots when I become aware of them.  One
of my goals in this life other than to make sure that my son has what he needs
to go forward and succeed in this troubling world is to always make sure that I
am bettering myself.  I know that I have millions of blind spots from the way
that I was raised, antisocially and in a horribly sheltered and abused cult. 
Sometimes hearing those things that need to be changed is painful, but I've
learned to not respond badly, but to introspect, and find out if there is
something valid that I need to work on with it.  Heh.  I was kind of discussing
a small amount of this with an employer the other day during an interview, sans
the abuse and antisocial talk.  ;)
  I find that kind of help invaluable.  I hope that I'm in a situation again
soon where I have people around that can help me with that more.

 NB> Working on it together's a good thing.  :)  It's not too late to rein it
 NB> in with him, as long as he doesn't think you are just being arbitrary...

  No, things are getting better for both of us.  I still need to work on it
probably a little bit more than him to set the right example, but he's doing
very good, even around the house where I've let him get away with it, so long
as it's only him, my roommate, and I.

 NB> I'm actually mostly agreeing with you on that...  I grew up with plenty
 NB> of unstructured time, and I do believe that it was a good thing... of
 NB> course, in my case, there was plenty of unlooked for structure in the
 NB> form of taking care of younger siblings... ;)  Different personalities
 NB> can react differently to the same situation, too... One kid could thrive
 NB> while another would become a pressure cooker...  :)

  Exactly.

 NB> It comes with practice... :)

  Ah the mental training.  Yes.  I missed most of mine today, and I've suffered
a little bit for it.  It's amazing how much of a difference on a daily basis
that time training the mind helps.

 NB> All Right....  :)  So now he has something to read and keep him occupied
 NB> happily...  :)

  Hell yeah.  He's in love with his tablet.  That reminds me, DragonLance is on
it, now I need to configure his reader for him.

 NB> There's some good teachers at that school, for sure... Did he enjoy
 NB> being part of the play...?   :)

  He did, actually.  The videos are huge or I'd post 'em all over.  It was
definitely the best elementary school play I've ever seen and all written by
the teachers and a couple of writers in the area--- and lines by the students
themselves, too!  For the shortcomings of this school, which are legion in the
bureaucratic areas, I'll admit this 'arts-focus school' really does drive home
some damn good programs in those areas.

 NB> That can be an unhappy side effect of transient living... exposure to
 NB> new bugs all the time..  :)  Now maybe you've built up your immune
 NB> systems for the new place...  :)

  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  ;)  My immune system feels strong like bull,
though.  I think we're over the hump. :)
  Catch ya more later.  It's 4:30am, I should probably be getting some sleep. 
*grin*

  -Damon
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