Re: Re: Misc and parents at another level (was  trying again)
  By: Nancy Backus to Damon A. Getsman on Thu Jun 04 2015 16:40:26

 NB> For sure... Had he had any management experience previously...?  One can
 NB> hope that by now he's learned how to do the basics... or that they've
 NB> figured out that he isn't going to work out...

  That was the bit that really surprised me.  He'd had plenty of experience as
a manager, but it had obviously been his first gig.  Also, it was at a fast
pizza joint, which is really not much like a fully organic convenience service
atmosphere, except in that it is serving food.  Once you cross the threshold
into the kitchen it's a very different matter from any place just slangin
prepared and heavily preserved ingredients.  I'm pretty sure the place he was
at was all ready-to-go from the frozen half-raised crusts all the way to the
ingredients.  It was just a matter of stocking the different bins, throwing
things on the crust, and putting it in the ovens.  Speaking from experience in
that kind of environment, as well, of course, and not pulling all of this
directly out of my kiester.
  So I think what happened is that when he got to a place where he had at least
5x as many irons in the fire at once, it started affecting things in a
detrimental fashion all around even the skill set that he did already have. 
Either which way, I've well decided to go with different currents now; I am
very much hoping that I don't have to do that kind of work to survive ever
again. 

 NB> Having had the experience, it's something that you can call up in memory
 NB> to remind you of the perspective... volunteering in similar settings can
 NB> do the same thing... :)

  I do miss some of the volunteer work that I did.  Most of it was for like $7
an hour (I wish I were making that up), but it did manage to provide a bit of
pride and conscience about the different things that I was accomplishing in my
day, as well as the different issues that I could really have to be dealing
with in my day.  It was funny, now that I look back at my primary stretch in
that work I actually came upon that experience running from other things that I
had to deal with.  I had come out of one of the longest, best, relationships
that I'd had to that point, and my heart was thoroughly shattered.  I had been
awaiting enlistment in the navy for almost a year, and then they turned me down
just a few days before I was supposed to ship out.  I ended up snagging two
jobs, one at a McDonald's, and one doing the work that I was talking about
above, and I was working regularly 70+ hours a week in order to save up what I
could for a new start and to keep myself distracted from the suffering at any
cost.  Having that one job, working with people in much more dire circumstances
than myself was, perhaps, one of the best things that could've happened to me
at the time.

 NB> True, insecurities are often magnified when what you do is going to
 NB> affect others as well as yourself...  On the other hand, sometimes it's
 NB> easier to see that things are working out properly after all when you
 NB> can see the effects outside of yourself...  :)  And as you see that you
 NB> are doing fine, that can help quell the insecurities...  :)

  Well, I've got a little programming in my upbringing that I'm trying to work
over as far as insecurities and the like.  I think I've done pretty well
working to stretch into my 4th decade, though.  There is also the fact that
I've turned around a great many personal habits that were valid points to be
insecure about, as well.  While I may not be at a perfet spot yet, there would
be a steep climb in my rate of improvement over the last 6-7 years from the
background that I'd previously had.  It's something to be proud of, and I
suspect that that rate is being kept high due to my son.  I guess what I'm
trying to say is I don't know if I'll ever quash them and become the Buddha,
but I'm doing my best at making sure that I can deal with my insecurities. 
Yes, I do find the ones that I'm dealing with now are less stressful and
horrifying than the ones of the past, as well.  So progress is being made.  I
just have to dig it out of my psyche a bit to really notice it.  ;)
  The magnification bit has really helped me, I think.  I've always been overly
sensitive to the needs of others; to the point of neglecting things that I've
needed myself at times (one of the primary reasons for the heartbreak that I
was writing about earlier in this message).  I think dealing with these things
in reality, and soberly, is causing me to be very conscience of the ripples
that expand outward from myself.  I don't want to leave bad ones behind; the
ones that hit the people we hold close to us may never be left behind, anyway,
especially if they strike at a point when the other is still young and
receptive to outside influence.
 
 NB> Thank you for the well wishings...  :)  She's continuing to do better,
 NB> growing stronger and able to do more things independently again... we
 NB> still have to be there just in case, and for the stabilizing hold now
 NB> and then... so I'm still taking some shifts of care coverage.  When she
 NB> went for her followup visit to the surgeon to get the staples removed,
 NB> he was quite pleased with her progress, and pronounced it a success.  

  I'm very glad to hear that all went as well as can be hoped for.  :)

 NB> I pretty much draw the line at Fidonet (and similar, smaller nets) and
 NB> the bbsing...  I don't have the time or energy to keep up with all that
 NB> web stuff, this takes quite enough time as it is, thank you... ;)  I
 NB> have a sister that lets Facebook and similar take valuable sleeping
 NB> time, and in her case, she really needs the sleep to be able to function
 NB> without meltdowns... 

  I used to spend a whole lot more time on some of those web-based networks. 
It's taken me multiple years, but as my priorities have changed I've really
found that I don't want that time sink either.  I find often these days that
I'll wake up, and when I first get bored I'll open some tabs to those different
sites.  As a little bit of time passes, though, or once I scroll a screenful or
three, I find that I could really care less about the content on there, and I
don't really have the motivation to add content that I really find meaningful
myself.  Those media seem to be the equivalent of background static to me these
days.  I find more and more that I'm missing a day, or two, or even three,
before I know it, in days that I have those tabs open and sitting and waiting. 
These kinds of forums, the text-based ones, I don't think I'll ever totally
unplug from.  There's far too much depth of character and feeling that's
expressed here that doesn't work its way into the different web-based social
media as often.  I always have to love being able to jump to a different echo
and get my 'cantankerous a-hole' quota of the day with just a couple of
keystrokes, too.  ;)
  My issue lately seems to be more dealing with the world as it has progressed
in the decades where I've been too plugged in for too long.  I think back to
different eras in my life, particularly when I was living on some urban
property in Jersey, and I remember how easy it was to make an entire
neighborhood full of aquaintences within a really short number of days.  You
could just walk up the hill and spend an afternoon doing that, with or without
a case of beer to share to lube the communication flow, and before you knew it
it was nighttime and you still had half of a block unexplored going in the
opposite direction for the next day.  Maybe I'm making up the reasons for this
in my head, but I can't help but see social media as being somewhat responsible
for this.  People think they're a million times more plugged in to the
happenings in others lives and the like, but if you put them all in a room what
do they do?  They all reach for the smartphone and start blogging about what's
going on, instead of meeting new people IRL.

 NB> Yeah... and I'm finally getting back to messagings, myself, today... ;)
 NB> One just has to balance it all... ;)

  Indeed.  Hence my lateness to reply to this.  Illness has been doing laps
around the different people in this apartment, too, so it's been rougher than
normal lately.  I really hope that my employer understands the illness bit when
we're only hitting about 50% of the hours that we're authorized.  'Course,
betting on the budget requirements of the client, there's a good chance that
[at least the client] will be grateful for the easiness on their pocketbook. 
Still, I really like to be a bit more consistent with all of this. 
Unfortunately I'm not just at the mercy of whenever I can put hours in; there's
also other people in the equation who don't exactly have the same drive to work
as I do.
  Anyhoo, off to the other plethora of messages waiting for me.  ;)

  -D
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