-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 21-Jun-2015 08:55 <=-

Got way too long, again...    Wonder how that could happen...!!  

 DAG> Re: shinies and sickies  was: camping

 DAG> Oh they are legion.  I'm still looking for other solutions, as the
 DAG> primary ideas that I had in play (provided I've remembered the thread
 DAG> correctly) were the only two that were within a range that he would've
 DAG> been able to get to himself.  One was the playground at his school,
 DAG> probably the best place to look for and meet other free range kids (in
 DAG> the pitiful minority due to helicopter parenting ruling this
 DAG> neighborhood).  The other was at the neighborhood pool, which
 DAG> unfortunately exists in the same building.  Turns out that they're
 DAG> having summer rennovation so the entire place, including a vast swath
 DAG> of the playground, is shut down as a construction zone.

Now that's a major bummer...  and the construction itself makes it not
so safe a place to be unattended, even in the parts not actually under
construction... 

 DAG> There are other parks around here but they're too populated by adults
 DAG> and crackheads to let my kid free range at.  So I'm trying to keep my
 DAG> eyes open.

Those other parks probably wouldn't likely have a lot of other kids to
play with, either...  

 DAG> Also I picked him up a library card (and myself) yesterday.  I
 DAG> was hoping that the neighborhood branch would be big enough so that I
 DAG> could go and release him in a kids section, like my dad used to do to
 DAG> me when I was old enough to understand and stick to the rules, but
 DAG> alas, it is not.  I'm not going to be taking trips into the inner city
 DAG> with my vehicle as dire as it is, but maybe we can afford a bus ride to
 DAG> go hang out at the big one in the inner city once a week or so once a
 DAG> couple of more paychecks come in to clean up after Loki. 

I remember going to a small neighborhood library when we lived in PA...
there wasn't a kids section per se, but there was an area where the
kids' books were all kept together... I could walk there by myself (we
moved there when I was going into 6th grade), and it was a preferred
hangout..  ;)

 NB>> And the niggling thoughts that one should maybe be trying to make it
 NB>> up to the kid for things not being as one would have hoped... but
 NB>> that sort of thing can get you in trouble, too...  :)   Hopefully a
 NB>> better setting will indeed help things...  :)
 DAG> Oh that's one that hits me hard.  Especially right now when all of
 DAG> the ideas that I had for summer release for him are blown out of the
 DAG> water.  Not sure what's going to come of all of it at this point; I
 DAG> don't want to fall back on an endless parade of new videogames and a
 DAG> tightly caged little man that'll end up losing massive valuable
 DAG> socialization. 

A working portable computer might be just the thing... ;)  Keep you both
from being caged in too tightly... :)   But the point I was trying to
make is that some things just can't be helped, and it doesn't hurt the
kid to be deprived of what he thinks (or even you think) he needs...
particularly when it is probably short-term...  Best way to really make
it up to the kid, so to speak, is to get the situation settled better,
even if it takes longer than one hopes for...  :)

 NB>> Even when they protest loudly against the limits, kids actually are
 NB>> happier knowing what the limits are and having them be securely
 NB>> enforced... it gives a more secure feeling...  If one can enforce them
 NB>> simply by words and actions, and not have to resort to consequences, so
 NB>> much the better for all...  :)
 DAG> This is not the first time that I've heard this.  I certainly do not
 DAG> disagree.  Unfortunately, things being what they are with the two of
 DAG> us staying in the living room of a 1 bedroom apartment, I don't have
 DAG> control over his environment even very well.  I'm still looking for
 DAG> ways to add more reliable limitations and boundaries on a daily basis
 DAG> here.  A lot of it is going to be orders of magnitude easier once we
 DAG> relocate, but that's not going to be for [at least] several months... 
 DAG> So an interim solution does need to be located soon here.

For sure it gets easier when you have a more settled environment...  :) 
But behaviors can still be regulated, even when things are crowded and
unsettled... A lot of the training is probably going to be on dealing
with the situation as it is, and learning to self-manage... and praise
when he copes well with things will help as much or more than the
consequences of bad behavior... :)
 
ttyl       neb

... Well there's nice, there's naughty and then there is barking mad.

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