XPost: hfx.general   
   From: pegasus@accesswave.ca   
      
   COPIED & PASTED   
      
   This is actually a true story and the account of the investigation makes it   
   even better...   
      
   The Dam   
      
   This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the   
   Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of   
   Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's   
   letter before you get to the response letter.   
      
      
   SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County   
      
   Dear Mr. DeVries:   
      
   It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality   
   that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced   
   parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner   
   and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:   
      
   Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams   
   across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.   
      
   A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.   
      
   A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been   
   issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is   
   in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural   
   Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts   
   of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled   
   Laws,   
   annotated.   
      
   The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially   
   failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at   
   downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently   
   hazardous and   
   cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and   
   desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a   
   free-flow   
   condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the   
   stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than   
   January   
   31, 2006.   
      
   Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so   
   that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.   
      
   Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity   
   on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement   
   action..   
      
   We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.   
   Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.   
      
   Sincerely,   
   David L. Price   
   District Representative and Water Management Division.   
      
      
   Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:   
      
   Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County   
      
   Dear Mr. Price,   
      
   Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.   
   I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane ,   
   Trout Run, Pennsylvania .   
      
   A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of   
   constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream   
   of my   
   Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam   
   project,   
   I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of   
   natures   
   building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to   
   attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.   
   I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their   
   dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam   
   persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.   
      
   As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must   
   first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.   
      
   My first dam question to you is:   
   (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or   
   (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said   
   dam request?   
      
   If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through   
   the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those   
   other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will   
   see   
   if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,   
   of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the   
   Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the   
   Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.   
      
   I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers   
   entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially   
   destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will   
   have   
   to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that   
   either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing   
   flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department   
   is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond   
   Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.   
      
   If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please   
   contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously   
   did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read   
   English.   
      
   In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build   
   their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green   
   and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to   
   live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources   
   and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect   
   the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment t (Beavers' Dams).   
      
   So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be   
   referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait   
   until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice   
   then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass   
   them then.   
      
   In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real   
   environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the   
   bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely   
   believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and   
   leave the beavers alone.   
      
   If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!   
   The bears are not careful where they dump!   
      
   Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable   
   to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this   
   response to your dam office.   
      
      
   THANK YOU.   
   RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)