XPost: ba.politics, dc.media, soc.penpals   
   XPost: alt.burningman   
   From: phandel@no.sun.com   
      
   Nothing ever changes in the dark world of homosexuality.   
   Nothing.   
      
   by Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D.   
      
   “Being queer means pushing the parameters of sex and family, and   
   in the process, transforming the very fabric of society.”   
      
   --National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy director,   
   Paul Ettelbrick (Kurtz, 2003)   
      
   April, 2010-- Today, with same-sex marriage being hotly debated,   
   the promiscuous nature of gay relationships, especially those of   
   gay men, is becoming more widely recognized.   
      
   In 1948, Kinsey observed that long-term homosexual relationships   
   were notably few.  Now, more than fifty years later, long-term   
   gay male relationships may be more common, but the fact remains   
   that they are typically not monogamous.   
      
   In one recent study of gay male couples, 41.3% had open sexual   
   agreements with some conditions or restrictions, and 10% had   
   open sexual agreements with no restrictions on sex with outside   
   partners. One-fifth of participants (21.9%) reported breaking   
   their agreement in the preceding 12 months, and 13.2% of the   
   sample reported having unprotected anal intercourse in the   
   preceding three months with an outside partner of unknown or   
   discordant HIV-status (1).   
      
   This study follows the classic research of McWhirter and   
   Mattison, reported in The Male Couple (1984), which found that   
   not a single male pair was able to maintain fidelity in their   
   relationship for more than five years.  Outside affairs, the   
   researchers found, were not damaging to the relationship’s   
   endurance, but were in fact essential to it. “The single most   
   important factor that keeps couples together past the ten-year   
   mark is the lack of possessiveness they feel,” says the authors   
   (p. 256).   
      
   The gay community has long walked a thin public-relations line,   
   presenting their relationships as equivalent to those of   
   heterosexual married couples.  But many gay activists portray a   
   very different cultural ethic. Michelangelo Signorile describes   
   the campaign “to fight for same-sex marriage and its benefits   
   and then, once granted, redefine the institution completely--to   
   demand the right to marry not as a way of adhering to society’s   
   moral codes, but rather to debunk a myth and radically alter an   
   archaic institution.” (1974, p 3).   
      
   Research Findings on Promiscuity   
      
   In 1968, Hoffman stated: “Sexual promiscuity is one of the most   
   striking, distinguishing features of gay life in America” (p.   
   45).  A much-cited study by Bell and Weinberg (1978), published   
   by the Kinsey Institute, and often called the most ambitious   
   study of homosexuality ever attempted, gathered its data before   
   the AIDS crisis had begun. This study showed that 28 percent of   
   homosexual males had had sexual encounters with one thousand or   
   more partners. Furthermore, 79 percent said more than half of   
   their sex partners were strangers.  Only 1 percent of the   
   sexually active men had had fewer than five lifetime partners.   
   The authors concede: “Little credence can be given to the   
   supposition that homosexual men’s ‘promiscuity’ has been   
   overestimated” (p.82).  “Almost half of the white homosexual   
   males…said that they had had at least 500 different sexual   
   partners during the course of their homosexual careers,” (p. 85).   
      
   A few years later, Pollak (1985) described sexual behavior among   
   gays as “an average several dozen partners a year” and “some   
   hundreds in a lifetime” with “tremendous promiscuity” (p.44).   
   He said:   
      
   The homosexual pick-up system is the product of a search for   
   efficiency and economy in attaining the maximization of “yield”   
   (in numbers of partners and orgasms) and the minimization of   
   “cost” (waste of time and risk of one’s advances being   
   rejected). Certain places are known for a particular clientele   
   and immediate consummation: such as “leather” bars, which often   
   have a back room specially reserved for the purpose, saunas and   
   public parks. (p. 44)   
      
   William Aaron’s autobiographical book Straight draws similar   
   conclusions:   
      
   In the gay life, fidelity is almost impossible.  Since part of   
   the compulsion of homosexuality seems to be a need on the part   
   of the homophile to “absorb” masculinity from his sexual   
   partners, he must be constantly on the lookout for [new   
   partners].  Constantly the most successful homophile “marriages”   
   are those where there is an agreement between the two to have   
   affairs on the side while maintaining the semblance of   
   permanence in their living arrangement. [p. 208]   
      
   He concludes:   
      
   Gay life is most typical and works best when sexual contacts are   
   impersonal and even anonymous.  As a group the homosexuals I   
   have known seem far more preoccupied with sex than heterosexuals   
   are, and far more likely to think of a good sex life as many   
   partners under many exciting circumstances. [p.209]   
      
   Emphasis on Sexuality   
      
   One writer – who, it should be mentioned, strongly sympathizes   
   with the gay community about the stresses of social   
   discrimination – observes conditions among gay men as follows:   
      
   It must be remembered that in the gay world the only real   
   criterion of value is physical attractiveness…The young   
   homosexual will find that his homosexual brothers usually only   
   care for him as a sexual object.  Although they may invite him   
   out to dinner and give him a place to stay, when they have   
   satisfied their sexual interest in him, they will likely forget   
   about his existence and his own personal needs….Since the sole   
   criterion of value in the homosexual world is physical   
   attractiveness, being young and handsome in gay life is like   
   being a millionaire in a community where wealth is the only   
   criterion of value. [Hoffman 1968, pp. 58, 153, 155]   
      
   Aging is also viewed particularly negatively in the homosexual   
   culture, with high value placed on youth (Bell and Weinberg   
   1978).   
      
   In his psychoanalytic study of ten couples, six of whom were   
   homosexual, Gershman (1981) observed that in homosexual   
   coupling, “sexuality is of greater importance and plays a larger   
   role.” Gershman found that the majority of male couples he   
   studied had agreed upon an open relationship, as long as the   
   affairs were conducted discreetly.  He found that while the male   
   couples studied were capable of high compatibility in many other   
   respects, there was great difficulty in maintaining sexual   
   interest.   
      
   With the exception of the pioneering work of Warren (1974), for   
   many years, little attention was given to long term gay   
   relationships.  When McWhirter and Mattison published The Male   
   Couple in 1984, their study was undertaken to disprove the   
   reputation that gay male relationships do not last.  The authors   
   themselves were a homosexual couple, one a psychiatrist, the   
   other a psychologist.  After much searching they were able to   
   locate 156 male couples in relationships that had lasted from 1   
   to 37 years.  Two-thirds of the respondents had entered the   
   relationship with either the implicit or the explicit   
   expectation of sexual fidelity.   
      
      
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