XPost: alt.fan.tom-servo, alt.obituaries, alt.religion.kibology   
   XPost: rec.arts.sf.tv   
   From: 3cjmd@comcast.net   
      
   On Mon, 06 Jun 2005 05:03:10 GMT, jagit@nospam.ptd.net (J.) wrote:   
      
   >lolo922@remove-to-reply.gmail.com (Lori) wrote:   
   >   
   >>Well, I figure nobody wants to hear about my spawn.  And since I am no   
   >>longer employed, I don't have any amusing work anecdotes... wait, I never   
   >>did.  Boring job, it was.  That's why I was able to post so fucking much   
   >>back then.   
   >   
   >Pfft.  Therein (but not Theron) lies the true cause of our recent   
   >malaise.   
   >   
   >Lori had a kid.   
   >Artie had a kid.   
   >J. had (another) kid.   
   >WWS has gone off to complete his turning to the Dark Side.   
   >BH was trying for one of those Near Death Experiences.   
   >Hole, Travers and some others went to look for pinker pastures.   
   >   
   >...which left those among us with NO LIVES (hiya, Tara and Jaime!) or   
   >MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES (hiya, Cap and Lots!) to hold the fort, with   
   >minor relief from some others.  This isn't death, this is just getting   
   >older.  Which, despite some advertisements to the contrary, is better   
   >than the alternative.   
   >   
   >...anyway, even if I'm wrong (it could happen!), one of our more   
   >menacing and illustrious Old Ones often speaks of the joys of   
   >necrophilia.  Let's get busy!   
      
   There is something to be said about reserving a modicum of suspicion   
   towards any given axiom, no matter how sensible, intuitive or   
   appealing it may initially sound.   
      
   Verbigratia, I expect that by now you may have even began to get an   
   inkling about the fact that Poddy's XX vs. XY chromosomal arrangement   
   differs from yours somewhat, thereby denoting a different gender.  I'd   
   advise you to be more mindful of the ensuing differences in   
   physiology.  What may be very good indeed from her perspective may not   
   prove quite so joyful were you to undertake it.  Rigor mortis, ceteris   
   paribus, can indeed be a girl's best friend under an assumed set of   
   circumstances, but it may well double as a dude's worst nightmare.   
      
   In the fullness of your untamed pride on your strength as an unwieldy   
   ginat, you may foolishly think that you are somehow invulnerable to   
   such perils and that in the face of hardship, ramming speed would   
   serve you well in overcoming any impediments to your pleasure.  I fear   
   you will find otherwise when you find yourself mournfully regarding   
   the pitiful and miserable mushroom (or worse, turnip) that a once   
   proud and upstanding cucumber can be sadly reduced to, by such an   
   unconscionable act of mortal hubris.  Irony and pity doesn't even   
   begin to cover it.  The horror.  The horror.   
      
   Never having to say you are sorry, my ass.   
      
   Cheers,   
      
   Jaime   
      
      
   P.S.--  Alas, poor sweet sad Merrie, disenfranchised and melancholy   
   woman in love that she would be left, would as like as not compose a   
   mournful ode about her lover's untimely and fateful handicapping   
   mishap titled, "My Vegetable Love, Wither O Wither Has Thou Forever   
   Gone?"  Sad Merrie, Merrie…   
      
      
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   >                        J.   
   >   
   >              "That Curséd Initial"   
   >   
   >--Your beak is blinkin' like a blinkin' beacon!--   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)