From: nicky.matthews@btinternet.com   
      
   On Monday, July 7, 2014 8:18:04 PM UTC+1, Jymesion wrote:   
   > On Sun, 06 Jul 2014 15:55:25 -0400, overload@spam.ftc.gov wrote:   
   >   
   >   
   >   
   > >On Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:07:25 -0600, Jymesion    
   >   
   > >wrote:   
   >   
   >   
   >   
   > >>As she shook her head, her hair, if it had been there, would have   
   >   
   > >>fallen across her face.   
   >   
   > >   
   >   
   > >The antecedent of "it" in "if it had been there" is unclear. You can't   
   >   
   > >resolve the problem because you haven't made clear whether she's bald   
   >   
   > >or not there. The sentence implies bald.   
   >   
   >   
   >   
   > As a standalone sentence, yeah.   
   >   
   >   
   >   
   > In the context of the story, I'm on the edge of beating to death the   
   >   
   > "she isn't really there" and so am trying to move on to associated   
   >   
   > "not there" things.   
      
   I quite like your sentence and probably wouldn't change it. You could write;   
      
   She shook her head: had she had hair it would have fallen across her face, had   
   she had a mouth she might have smiled.   
      
   I'm not really sure of the meaning/ feel you are going for.What you choose to   
   do rather depends on the tone of the rest of it.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)