From: remus@panix.com   
      
   Jymesion  wrote:   
   > I'm trying a writing exercise re: descriptions. I can picture this but   
   > don't know if it'd click with anyone else:   
      
   > He smoothed his tie in his best Mr. Super-Suave manner as he strolled   
   > over to her desk.   
      
   > My back-brain is yelling about how horrible it is, but it fits all the   
   > guidelines I'm trying to follow.   
      
      My diagnosis would be 'too many S-es'.  'Smoothed', 'best', 'Super-Suave',   
   'strolled', 'desk' -- these are all alliterative.  The sentence reads as if   
   whispered by a snake.   
      
      Without knowing your guidelines I can't suggest a fix, but there are   
   easy synonyms that could completely change the feel of this sentence.   
      
   ...                                                                  ...   
   Remus Shepherd    
      New Webcomic:  Genocide Man             http://www.genocideman.com/   
      Life is funny.  Death is funnier.  Mass slaughter can be hilarious.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)