From: nicky.matthews@btinternet.com   
      
   On Thursday, September 11, 2014 12:11:08 AM UTC+1, Jymesion wrote:   
   > On Tue, 9 Sep 2014 06:40:26 -0700 (PDT), Nicky   
   >    
   >  wrote:   
   >    
   >    
   >    
   > >why is he referencing such ancient actors if he is a youngish man?   
   >    
   >    
   >    
   > It's an iconic comedy routine. Virtually every civilized person in the   
   >    
   > world has seen it.    
      
   I'm not sure that's true. I'm not sure my kids would know who these people are   
   and they do watch old films occasionally. I raise it only because references   
   are obviously a key component of characterisation and it would be unusual, I   
   suggest, for a    
   youngish man from now to pick these particular exemplars. That's not at all to   
   say that you shouldn't have him think this way, only that it sets him up as a   
   young man with the apparent world view of a very much older one.   
   I point it out only because as a YA author I am obliged to think very hard   
   about my audience's knowledge and remove refs which would work for my kids but   
   not for contemporary teens. Similarly if I am trying to adopt the persona of a   
   much younger woman in    
   my writing, I have to weed out phrasing, attitudes and expressions which are   
   mine rather than the character's. This is why writing contemporary can be as   
   awkward as writing historical - you have to research contemporary influences   
   that fit the age and    
   social milieu of your chosen character.   
   Your extract felt anachronistic which may well suit what you are doing but, if   
   it isn't, then you might want to think about making your young man read   
   younger on the page.    
      
   >    
   >    
   >    
   > > Why is the secretary not responding to his retro language and intrusive   
   behaviour?   
   >    
   >    
   >    
   > She implied he's a cockroach when he walked in. What should she do,   
   >    
   > hit him with a lamp? ;)   
      
   Well she seems antagonistic at the beginning but then seems to me to chat   
   quite amicably. She doesn't seem consistent to me as a reader. I also think   
   from observation that younger women do not take that well to having their   
   space invaded. He is not so    
   important that she felt he could see the boss without an appointment so there   
   seems no particular reason why she would tolerate him moving her stuff. She   
   does speak sharply to him at the beginning but she doesn't prevent him from   
   sitting on the desk.    
   This may be because she isn't a very assertive person, but actually that is   
   not the impression you give at the beginning. She is perhaps a minor character   
   but I couldn't quite imagine what she was like because of these slightly   
   contradictory impressions.    
   Of course it is possible for a real person to behave in this way, but a   
   fictional person usually needs more consistency. IMHO as ever.   
      
   --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05   
    * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)