From: mbottorff@lshelby.com   
      
   Michelle Bottorff  wrote:   
      
   > ...I'm starting to think that "writing exercises" are going to be   
   > needed.   
      
   So, my first try at writing exercises.  Same event/story told by several   
   different characters. (All total rough-draft quality, sorry about that!)   
      
   Am I succeeding in getting the feel of there being two different   
   cultures/languages whie still having the individual personalities come   
   through?   
      
      
   ...   
   I was hunting with Sewo when the Iak came.  We could see her hovering,   
   and awed that anything so large would dare the skies, we moved closer.   
   At first our eyes followed only the black of her wings against the   
   brightness, but then, below, we saw another figure running.  A familiar   
   figure.  It was Sewo's father.  The Iak hunted him, and he was her prey.   
   Sewo darted ahead first, and right on his heels I also ran.  We saw her   
   dive.  She evaded his spear, and her talons hooked into him, tightening   
   until red blood ran down his sides and rained out upon the grass.   And   
   then with sweeping wings she lifted him away from the mother earth and   
   into the realms of air.  Sewo cried a mighty cry, and brought an arrow   
   to his bowstring.  As always, his shaft flew true.  But the Iak seemed   
   not to notice the arrow in her breast as she beat her way higher and   
   higher into the sky.  And then she spread her mighty talons, releasing   
   her prey.  My friend's father fell, twisting, out of the sky, and   
   landed, broken, at his feet.   
   Sewo crouched over him, and wailed to the gods.   
      
      
   Apparently Daos and Sewo  were out hunting when they saw the Iak up in   
   the sky, circling about.  And wondering -- as well they might -- at her   
   most unlikely size, they headed in her direction.  As they got closer   
   they were horrified to discover what exactly she was doing.  Down below   
   the giant eagle, was Sewo's father -- running desperately to get away   
   from her.  Even as they watched, she swooped down, and knocking his   
   spear out of the way, picked him up and carried him back into the sky.   
   Sewo screamed and quickly shot at her, but even though he hit her right   
   where he meant to, she treated the arrow as a mere inconvenience and   
   continued to rise until she was high over her heads.  And that's when   
   she let go, and Sewo's father tumbled down, landing almost at his feet.   
   He hurried over, anxious and afraid.   
      
      
   I was with with Daos -- we had gone hunting.  Or it may be better said,   
   that I was hunting -- Daos was following me and trying not to trip over   
   the grass.  We saw wings, black against the sky, and wondered what the   
   gods possibly could have been thinking to create such a bird.  Had they   
   gathered in the fields of the sky and held a contest for who could cast   
   the largest shadow?  So closer we went, wanting to see.  Such a bird as   
   that, you would think would be hunting elephants.  She wasn't.  It was   
   my father she hunted.  He ran before her -- he must have been trying to   
   reach the safety of our camp.  But she dived at him, and knocked his   
   spear aside with her feet, and then her grip ensnared him and her talons   
   bit deep.   
   I knew that only I could stop her -- and I thought my arrow flew true!   
   But she she scorned to notice it.  And before I knew that the first   
   arrow had failed, she reached the sky and to bring her to the earth was   
   to kill my father also.  I should have sent a dozen arrows into her.  I   
   should have emptied my quiver.  For she only lifted him up, so that she   
   could let him fall.  I saw him tumble through the air, and land on the   
   ground before me.  Broken.   
   I leaped to his side, but could do nothing.   
      
      
   They told me how it happened.  How the great Iak bird -- who isn't   
   really a bird, but an evil spirit woman -- chased his father from the   
   dying lands nearly to their camp.  He and his spear brother had gone   
   hunting, and they saw the Iak, and sought her shadow -- for she was   
   mighty and wonderous.  And there they found his father, fleeing -- for   
   even a great chief is powerless against a creature of spirit and magic.   
   They watched in horror as she fell upon her prey, and captured him in   
   her claws.  That was when he slung his bow, and pulled it, and his arrow   
   flew deep into the bird's breast, for he is a great hunter.  If she had   
   been a true Iak, she would have perished.  But she was not.  Even with   
   an arrow in her heart, she could still fly into the air.  From very high   
   up she dropped her prey, and he watched his father fall.   
   Screaming his agony to the gods, he ran to his father's side.   
      
   The story, as it was told to me, was that he and his spear-brother had   
   gone hunting.  They saw the Iak first, quite naturally -- it would have   
   been up in the air, flying, and I understand that they are quite   
   amazingly large.  And that's why they tried to get closer, of course,   
   because it was a rare bird and an incredible sight.  But as they drew   
   nearer they spotted his father, on the run, trying to get away from the   
   creature.  I'm sure they tried to get closer, but they were too late,   
   for the Iak knocked aside his father's spear, and picked him up in her   
   talons, and started to carry him into the sky.  (I was a bit dubious at   
   first to hear of an eagle large enough to lift a full grown man, but it   
   seems that the Great Iak is recorded by Andiloricon in his Beastiary as   
   being native to the Empty Lands north of Ludia.)  Of course the boy was   
   not about to let some beast carry his father away, so he shot an arrow   
   into it.  Unfortunately that was insufficient to bring it down, and his   
   father was carried high into the air before the Iak lost its hold on   
   him.   
   The poor man must have been in terrible shape, when his son arrived at   
   his side.   
      
      
   Ah, poor Sewo.  He was there and he saw it happen.  He saw the great   
   bird sweep down upon his father, and he saw him lifted up.  I'm sure he   
   shot his arrows into her -- he always was good with a bow.  But his   
   father could not be saved, for the gods have spoken against our family.   
   They sent their servant to punish him, and she took him into the sky,   
   and then let him fall.  And so we are all broken, child.  So we are all   
   broken.   
      
   --   
   Michelle Bottorff -> Chelle B. -> Shelby   
   L. Shelby, Writer  http://www.lshelby.com/   
   Livejournal http://lavenderbard.livejournal.com/   
   rec.arts.sf.composition FAQ http://www.lshelby.com/rasfcFAQ.html   
      
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